Christmas Traditions

Christmas Traditions. There are plenty of them. 

Some people have big family gatherings every year; the one time a year everyone is together.

I've seen on social media where some families with young children decorate gingerbread houses together, or make Christmas cookies or candy together every year.

There are traditions of going to look at Christmas lights together, or riding a Christmas train with friends or family.

So many traditions.

I was reflecting on this yesterday when I was doing one of my own traditions: I go out to breakfast by myself at a local restaurant which serves breakfast. I sit there and go over my list and what I still have left to do before Christmas. I make a thorough list and then spend the day shopping and making preparations. Yesterday was an enjoyable day; I got a lot done.

Part of what I needed to do had to be done at home, and I had Christmas music playing on Pandora. Several times I heard a phrase indicating what Christmas meant to the singer. This started me thinking, and I decided I needed to write about it.

What DOES Christmas mean to me? I can list several things it is NOT:

It's not about presents and making sure you do everything on your to do list, even though that was technically what I was doing yesterday.

It's not Santa, Saint Nicklaus, or Father Christmas, either.

It's not even about family and being together, which some think it is according to some songs.

Here is what Christmas is. Jesus was born of a virgin in Bethlehem. God took on flesh and became one of us--Immanuel, which means "God with us"--to save us from our sins. In order to reconcile us and put us in a right relationship with God, Jesus had to be born human and live a sinless life so that He would be the perfect sacrifice for our sins. He died for us but rose again on the third day.

That's what Christmas is about. 

I'm not against presents, Santa, or family gatherings, but the focus for me has to be on the reason we have Christmas in the first place. 

The facts remain: 

No matter how hard we try to get everything done on the list, there's always something left undone. 

I'm not going to go into the origins of Santa. Not even going there.

And families don't always gather; I know that firsthand. I'm not even upset about it anymore; it's just the way it is in our culture today. Families live far apart more than ever before.

The one unchanging thing about Christmas is why we have it in the first place. The real Christmas is in my heart always, because Jesus is there.

I pray you come to know the true meaning of Christmas this year if you don't already. 

Merry Christmas!

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David,  to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Luke 2:4-7 NKJV

For Mammy

So, I guess it's grandparents' day today. I didn't know all of them. My dad's mother died five years before I was born, and his dad had been gone a long time before that, so I only know of those grandparents through the pictures I have of them and the stories I've been told.

My mother's mother was widowed when my mom was eighteen, so I never knew her husband, my grandpa.

So I want to focus on the one grandparent I knew for the first few years of my life: my maternal grandmother, known to all in our little family as "Mammy." She was a big part of my life until I was eleven.

Before I came along, everyone called her "Mama" or "Ma" I think. I was a late addition to our small, close-knit family. My mother's only sister had one daughter, who was eighteen when I was born.  My mom and dad had my brother three years after my aunt had my cousin, so he was nearly fifteen by the time I came on the scene.

Imagine how everyone's worlds were turned upside down in the neighborhood where my parents and my aunt and uncle lived. They were always very close, living across the street from each other before I was born and all through my childhood.

So, two sisters, each with a teenager, and then.....me.

Yeah, I'll bet things changed dramatically. LOL!

Among the changes was the name for the Grandma of the family. They say I insisted on calling her Mammy. I don't remember. (I was very young).

Anyway, my mom worked outside the home, a rarity in the fifties, so Mammy kept me while my mom and dad worked. I was very close to her; she practically raised me. She lived with my aunt, but every morning she would walk over to my house to stay with me.

Pictures, the very few I have of her, portray her as a sweet little old lady with long gray hair, always braided and put in a bun. Truth of the matter is, though, she was only sixty-four when I was born. I am now sixty-four, and I still don't admit I have gray hair, much less wear it in a bun all the time.

Our culture has changed, of course, and my life is vastly different than hers was. As a poor woman living and raising a family in the depression, she and my grandpa always had to work very hard to just survive.

Anyway, one of my earliest memories is sitting in her lap in the rocking chair in the living room as my mom backed out of the driveway to go to work. Cool, early mornings just about dawn sometimes remind me of that time when I was being held by my Mammy, and I was safe, comforted, and loved.

Once when I was about 8, my mom, dad, and I were on vacation, going camping on a lake in southern Missouri, and one evening while traveling there I saw a house that reminded me of my aunt's house, where Mammy lived. I remember being overcome with homesickness and crying because I missed my Mammy and wanted to go home. I don't remember for sure, but I think my parents found a pay phone and called her long distance so I could talk to her, because I was inconsolable.

Funny what sticks in your childhood memories, isn't it? I remember that it was about sunset that we passed that house that made me think of Mammy. To this day, sunsets while I'm traveling occasionally affect me in that way. I'm not overcome with homesickness, but I just feel a little sad with a longing to have my family around me if I'm not with any of them.

This was not meant to be sad, even though it kind of reads that way. I am not sad, nor am I depressed any longer. I smile when I think of the only grandparent I had. She had serious health issues and died one month before I turned twelve, but I will always cherish those years with her.

If you still have one or all of your grandparents, you are blessed. Tell them you love them.

Happy Grandparents Day to my Mammy in heaven. I love you. 

Walk by the Spirit

I've tried to write this testimony so many times, but I could never get the right words to explain it. I think this time I may have succeeded. It must be God's timing.

Many years ago, before I had placed my faith in Jesus as my Savior, I did not know my worth. I grew up in church but did not have a relationship with Jesus. I never even heard of the concept of having a relationship with Jesus until was in my late thirties.

Later, after I had placed my faith in Jesus, I was still very insecure. The challenges I faced as a divorcee with a teenage son in high school were plentiful. The enemy threw everything he could at me to discourage me and he was successful for a lot of years. A whole lot of years.

I didn't know it then, but after the divorce I thought I had lost my identity; I was no longer a wife, so that was not who I was. My mom and dad had passed away so I was no longer a daughter. My brother had passed away, so I was no longer a sister.  My older two children were in college and I perceived erroneously that they no longer needed me, so I had a somewhat emptier nest. Bless his heart, my youngest son bore the brunt of my depression and despair in those early, dark days. He was and still is a good listener and has wisdom beyond his years. I leaned on him a lot, even though looking back, I cringe thinking about what the whole situation did to him.

So I had my son, and a couple of friends who were wonderful, but they weren't supposed to bear the weight of my broken heart. That belonged to Jesus, but I didn't come to that realization for many years; many agonizing, painful years.

As I have mentioned on here before, my need for affirmation, along with the need to know my identity, caused my anguish and desolation to consume me.

I had to belong to someone, somewhere. I had to! Not even in a romantic setting; I just wanted to be part of a family. I tried to belong by taking matters in my own hands.  I left a good, Bible-believing church on a quest for "where I belonged."

All the time, I already belonged to Jesus, and my worth was in Him, but I had not been a Christian for very long, and the divorce derailed my discipleship somewhat. So I didn't know.

I wandered for two years looking for where I belonged. During this time, my friends that I had leaned on so much moved away from my area. Shortly after that, my youngest went away to college.

And the bottom fell out of my world.

In a odd twist of events, shortly before my son went off to college, I had landed in the church where I have now been a member for nearly 20 years. I was not home free, though. I knew I belonged in that church; God confirmed that to me when I walked in the door the first time. However, I still had the gnawing neediness that left me feeling empty and unwanted.

Oh man, it is so humiliating to admit all this! I wouldn't do it if I didn't KNOW I'm supposed to. Someone needs to hear this; to know there is hope for them. I know this is true. I have been stuck, unable to write for months because I didn't know how to say this. Ever balk at something God told you to do? You can't pick and choose what He tells you to do. Feeling stuck? Go back to the last thing He said. Do the thing He put in your heart and get unstuck.

So, here we are. Now I have to do this; it has to be said. It's a fire within me tonight.

So here goes.

I know in the early days of my divorced state I drove people crazy; I would hang around on the edges of groups of new friends I had made. I wanted to be wanted. I hoped and prayed for them to see me and talk to me. If they liked me, I would matter (I subconsciously told myself). I hoped they would invite me to go to lunch after church. I wanted to belong. I had to fill the cavernous emptiness in me.

I was trying to make something happen, instead of trusting God to let it happen --IF it was supposed to--in His timing. Someone very dear to me kept telling me to not force things, just "let it happen," but it was lost on me. I didn't get it.

This went on for way too long. I went to prayer meetings, I stood in lines to be prayed for, and I told all my problems to a few friends I had become close to. I did get some better, but it wasn't until I hit rock bottom about eight years ago that things really started to change.

I was already on anti-depressants, but serotonin levels in my brain are only one factor in the depression I was dealing with. I had serious, deep-seated issues that I had to deal with to be free.

A couple of things happened to help me to find deliverance. First, I went through a Divorce Care class. It was years after the divorce, but it brought a bunch of stuff to the surface that I never even knew was there.

Second, I got some professional counseling. I met on a regular basis with a married couple who were Christian counselors. They knew the right questions to ask me, and most importantly, they knew how to pray. We met, talked, and prayed together for several months. God used them to guide me to deliverance from the junk that had made me so needy and desperate. He used them to show me that I was already free; Jesus had set me free when He died for me on the cross. I came to realize I was sitting in a prison cell, so to speak, but the door was unlocked and the chains I was wearing were just hanging on my wrists, unfastened.

In time, I got up and the chains of depression, despair, and abandonment, as well as many others, dropped off because I was no longer bound. I walked out of that prison FREE, knowing that my worth is in Christ Jesus. I am His and He provides my every need.

It wasn't until that counseling that my eyes were opened to the fact that I was trying to make things happen that I felt like I needed. Just like my friend had been saying. In time I learned to listen to the Holy Spirit; to discern if I was wanting something He either knew wasn't needed or it was just not the right time.

If you struggling with knowing your worth or trying to belong, or any kind of bondage, take heart. If you have placed your faith in Jesus as your Savior, you are His. You belong to Him.  He loves you more than you can fathom.

He will lead you out of the darkness if you will just quiet yourself and listen to Him. Be blessed, my friend!

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 NASB

Do Not Fear

Just about everyone I know has struggled with fear on some level. It seems to be quite common these days. Whether it is the fear of being alone or the fear of the unknown future that looms ahead, it is very likely that most people have dealt with it, or are dealing with it now.

I'll admit that I have certain fears that keep plaguing me. I know the Lord is protecting me, but I still have my moments. So I decided to do something  about it.

I am currently in the process of looking up scriptures dealing with fear and writing them in a notebook. I've titled it "Removing Fear." You could say I'm researching it, except the Bible is the only source I'm using, so the works cited page would be short if it were for a class. It's not, though; I graduated and I have no desire for another degree.

But I digress....

Because of this research, don't be surprised if some posts on the subject pop up some in the coming weeks and months.

I came across an interesting account of a battle in 2 Chronicles the other day, and I can't quit thinking about it. It's where Jehoshaphat learned of 3 armies headed his way to fight against him, and he was afraid. He asked the Lord for help, and the Lord spoke to him through Jahaziel, saying:

"Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's...

You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on our behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem."

You can go and read all about it in 2 Chronicles 20. I won't quote the whole thing here, but basically Jehoshaphat and the people went to the place where God had told them to go to watch, but they were not to fight. As they sang praises to God, they watched the armies of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come to make war with Jehoshaphat, turn on each other instead. After the battle, none of the enemies had survived. Not one.

The enemies destroyed themselves in this battle! The inhabitants of Judah and Jerusalem did not lift a finger but watched them all turn on each other.

Jehoshaphat and his people gathered up all the spoil (the valuables that the armies had brought) and it took them 3 days to get all of it! Three days!

I don't know about you, but reading about this battle has encouraged me so much. 

"The battle is not yours, but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15 NASB

Praise the LORD!

Plans and Promises

We have had major flooding in my area over the last couple of weeks. Many people's homes were flooded and some lost everything. It has been devastating. As the flood waters have started to recede, the clean up process has begun but it will be a long time before things are back to normal around here.

As if we didn't have enough water, we've just had several days of torrential downpours. On top of the major flooding we have endured, flash flooding has been occurring the last couple of days. It seemed there was no end in sight.

Last night at sunset, as the rain clouds finally started to clear and move on out of our area, there was a beautiful rainbow in the eastern sky. I saw pictures of the whole rainbow on social media last night, but in the area where I live there are so many trees that I can see very little of the sky from my yard. I was sitting on the porch enjoying the cool breeze, when I started to notice an orange glow through the trees to the east. I was curious about what this could be, so I went out into the street to see what it was. 

I stepped into the street and saw a breathtakingly beautiful rainbow. The picture here does not do it justice. The colors were brilliant and stunning. I ran to the back yard to see if I could see the other end of it, but I could only see tiny bits here and there through the trees. I was just happy that I got to see some of it; I usually miss these things because I tend to stay in the house all the time. I was glad I risked being on the mosquito buffet yesterday evening; it was worth it to see this reminder of one of God's promises.

This made me realize that this is how we see God's plan for us. He sees the entire plan from beginning to end; we only see a fragment. We can't tell where God is going with this current situation we are in. "What are you up to?" we often ask Him. Because we can't see the whole plan, it doesn't always make sense to us. 

This scripture came to me during my prayer time this morning. It seems very timely; I've prayed along these lines many times during physical and other types of storms. God has always taken care of me: 

"Hear my cry, O God, give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah." Psalm 61:1-4 NASB

It is uncanny that I stumbled across a scripture talking about higher ground when so many were scrambling for just that in the last couple of weeks. I know it isn't necessarily literal, though. It serves as a reminder to me that when we put our trust in God, He is always guiding and protecting us. Whether the enemy happens to be raging flood waters or some other type of disaster in our lives, He is always with us.

I am encouraged today because of the reminders of God's promises; both in the sky and in His word. I hope you are, too.

Do Not Anxiously Look About

For a time, I stopped writing in my blog; not on purpose but because I thought no one wanted to read it anyway. I felt like I had nothing to say.

Yes, I have been in a battle and was beginning to believe nothing would ever change, and nothing I would say to anyone would do any good. Might as well stop trying to pretend I write.

Tonight, though, for the first time in months, I can't shake the feeling that many around me are discouraged and even afraid of what is ahead in their lives, just like I am sometimes. Some are falling into depression and despondency. Having spent many years depressed and discouraged, I get it. 

I was struggling earlier tonight, once again actually fighting the urge to give in to the lies of the enemy that said to me nothing will ever be different. You are always going to fight depression. You will never win. You are of no use to anyone.

Yeah, I admit it; I do still hear that sometimes. It doesn't last long anymore, but it does happen. I get up and go on like I have done for years now. The difference lately, though, is this: I had stopped writing about my struggles and victories. 

So I would like to say back to the LIAR in writing, for all to read: the very fact that I recognize it's a lie of the enemy proves that I will overcome and win this battle. There is HOPE. There were many days, weeks, and years that I believed the lies and merely existed, miserable, alone, and afraid.

Those days are behind me. Now, instead of spiraling down into sadness and discouragement that lasts for weeks and even months, I have learned to shut out the lies and listen to my Father's voice.

It's really quite simple. Here is what I do. As soon as it occurs to me that I'm being tempted to believe a lie, I put on some worship music. Right away the atmosphere is better, because the darkness cannot stay in the presence of the Light. The enemy will not stick around when you're praising the Lord. He hates worship. He will "skedaddle," as we say in the south.

The next thing I do is open up my Bible and find some of God's words that contradict the lies I have just heard. Once I find it, I read it out loud. Over time, we tend to start believing what we hear ourselves say, so it's important to say it out loud, at least in the beginning of this part of your faith walk.

Recently, during a fierce thunderstorm, I was attacked by fear. I'm not talking about being a little afraid of a storm. We're talking being irrationally fearful and panicked. When I realized what I was dealing with, I cried out to the Lord to help me. Instantly, these words came to me: Do not anxiously look about you (I was doing this very thing).

I recognized that scripture immediately because I've read it many times. I turned to Isaiah 41:10 and read these words:

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Instantly I had peace, and I knew I was going to be all right. 

Even if you are skeptical and are wondering if it really is possible to overcome the spirit of fear, depression, or feelings of worthlessness, what do you have to lose? 

Just your fear. Just your depression. Just your feelings of worthlessness.

Try it. 

Be encouraged. The Lord is with you. Call out to Him and He will answer.

You are going to get through this; you and me both.

The Return of the Daffodil

This time a year ago I was lamenting over our early spring-like weather, and complaining that I had a single daffodil that braved a cold, but above freezing, rainy week in late February and finally bloomed in spite of the adverse conditions. 

I was so bummed, because I wanted some winter, and desperately wanted it to snow.

Here is that blog post if you didn't read it and want to. If my link doesn't work (I'm really rusty on my html skills), just copy and paste it into your browser:

<a href=https://debbiev120.blogspot.com/2018/02/just-daffodil.html/">Just a Daffodil</a>

Or, just look for it in the blog archive to the right. It's one of the very few that I wrote in 2018.

Long story short, the next day after my lone daffodil bravely bloomed, someone picked it out of my yard. I was so upset! I had watched its progress all week and when it finally bloomed, it was stolen.

So this year, it is once again too warm for February, as it usually is in my part of the country, and spring flowers are coming up all over the place. One such place is my front yard, in the same area where I had one daffodil last year. Only this year, there is not one. There are seven!

Seven flowers are coming up where I had one last year! I'm actually excited to see them this year. I am resigned to the fact that we don't often get to have winters like I would like to have anymore.  Someday, after I retire, I will most likely move farther north so I can enjoy my favorite season and maybe even see snow sometimes.

Yes, I know; I'm the opposite of normal. Most people move south when they retire, but I detest hot, sticky, and humid southern summers. I always have. If I move, it will be north.

So what did I learn from the daffodils blooming? Without reading too much into it, I feel like it's a reminder of blessings I have been given.

For instance, there is the obvious, like the number of friends and family members I have now compared to years ago when I first found myself single and alone. God has been gracious and generous and He set this lonely girl into a family (Psalm 68:6). I am so blessed.

There is also the not so obvious.

For one, maybe we all have the potential for much more than we first imagined. Spiritual gifts are within all followers of Christ, even if we don't see them or readily know what they are. We have to ask Him to show us, and He will.

Secondly, what seems insignificant and small, like the tiny lone flower, may just grow into an entire garden. We may share the Gospel with one, and that one may share with seven, and those seven may become hundreds. So we should always share our faith, even if it seems like we aren't doing enough. You never know what an impact you may have.

Finally, everyone matters. Everyone. No one is too small or insignificant for God to use. Each and every one of us matters to Him. We each may feel like we are only one person, and therefore we can't do much. God, however, will use each small act done in faith for His kingdom. 

Just like He multiplied that one, brave little daffodil into seven.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. Romans 12:6 NIV

Back to Factory Settings

My soul has been disquieted with much turmoil within over the last year and a half or so. I really did not know what was going on for a long time. I felt like I had no purpose anymore. Finally, it has begun to come into focus for me. God has been cleaning out my heart, removing idols and tearing down the high places.

There has been a lot of closet cleaning so to speak. God has a way of finding things hidden away in my heart that I didn't know or remember were there. Broken dreams and a shattered future are among the things He dug out, things I had already given to Him...or thought I had.

According to what God's Word says about me, I am worth more than I had come to believe over the last couple of years. He says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

All along I have felt like my future was destroyed many years ago when the marriage broke up. It has come to my attention that even if the future I thought I wanted and needed was shattered, God still has one for me. He did not give up on me even though I felt like I was no good, of no use to anyone many times. None of this took Him by surprise.

The words "factory settings" came to me recently when I was meditating on God's word and what He has for me. I did a word search on "back to factory settings." Turns out it means the item (or person in this case) is made as good as new.

As if I was never damaged.

As if I had never been enticed away from my true calling to languish in a perception that I needed something or someone I didn't have.

As if I had never thrown caution to the wind and set aside my purpose, to follow a purpose I thought I saw....just beyond the mist...just out of my reach.

I have been looking through a distorted lens; seeing things as if in a carnival fun house mirror. I wasn't seeing truth; I was believing a lie.

Jesus has shown me that He has picked me up...again...and set me on the right path.

He is even now in the process of restoring my soul "back to factory settings." This process has been painful at times. My heart has once again been broken beyond repair by anyone but the One who built it.

Fortunately for me, I know the the One who made me very well. I am confident of this, that "He who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6.

Praise the Lord!