Work Looks Different These Days

A couple of days ago, I realized I hadn't been writing in my journal. In fact, I became aware that I was not lingering as long to hear from the Spirit in my quiet time in the mornings, when I have prayer and Bible reading. 

Ironically, I finally became aware of this because I lingered a little longer. Yep.

I had been reading Psalm 34 over and over; I read some parts out loud, and I sat and meditated on what its meaning was. The whole chapter is amazing, but I want to focus on this part:

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:13, 14.  

The last phrase, "seek peace and pursue it" really hit home with me. I started thinking, how do I seek peace?

This led me to ponder why I haven't been sitting as long, listening, and writing in my journal. Then I began to comprehend what was going on:

I feel like I should be "busy;" up and dressed and "doing something constructive." All those years I was in the work force, I was up and "being constructive" by no later than 7:30 am in the morning in the school office. 

It dawned on me that I have been feeling like I'm being lazy. I have falsely believed that "busy is good" and "being still is laziness."

But, as I have discovered in the last few years, I'm a writer. It's actually my only job now, since I retired. Writers have to sit still to write what they need to write. It's how they do their work; it's the method needed to do their job!

Since retirement last July, I have not ceased being busy; and when I am not being busy and on my feet doing some type of physical work like laundry, housework, or sorting through stuff to donate, I have fallen into the trap of feeling guilty for not being productive. 

Sidenote: I've even allowed myself to feel guilty for reading so much more (mostly an hour before bed, or 15 minutes here and there waiting to pick up the grandkids). I've averaged about a book a week since January 1. 

It is probably understandable to still feel like I need to be doing something; after all, I had to pull my non-morning-person self up and force myself out the door to work for so many years. So many years.

Back then, I had a sense of purpose. I knew what I was supposed to do. It was, by the way, a desk job requiring me to sit and do computer work and deposits and all that bookkeeper type of stuff.  Strange that I never felt like I was not being productive by sitting still back then.

It was a wonderful job, and it was given to me by God. I loved my job, and because God gave it to me, He enabled me to be good at it. In and of myself I wouldn't have been able to do it. 

It was actually painful to give it up, but I knew deep in my heart that it was time...time to do the job God has given me for this next phase of my life.

Writing.

God put writing within me a long time ago. It's a gift; part of His spiritual gift in me of encouragement. 

How does that work? A person who has struggled with depression and anxiety for most of her life is an encourager?

Crazy I know. But here we are. However, I always know I have to lean close in and hear from God. I cannot do this without Him. He gets all the glory that way.

So, if He wants me to exercise my gift to write and encourage, He knows I have to have some part of my day to sit and do just that. Therefore, I should not feel guilty for sitting and listening to the Lord when I'm meditating on His word.

Some people are called to do the more physical things, like those called to hospitality. Man, I wish I could do those things! Those people who love to cook and plan parties and stuff like that. God love them, they are so important! We need them. I'm in awe of them; I can't do what they do. 

I am not that person, and I've finally just admitted it.

I can no longer accept the condemnation heaped on me by my own perception of what productivity looks like. I've felt inadequate for far too long. Those people who are naturally physically active people who have the capacity to be more active, those who like to cook and entertain, or the ones who are outgoing and can talk to people with ease are exercising their God given gifts. God put that within them to do those things.

I'm no way trying to say they are better than I am, or I am better than they. Please hear my heart on this. 

They have their job to do, and I have mine.

"Lord, today I accept the assignment You gave me all those years ago when I accepted You as Savior, and I fully embrace it. I will be still and know you are God; and I will write."

Blessings, friends. 💗

Sitting Beside the Still Waters

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul...."

It's been 3 months since I wrote in the blog. In the 9 years I've been writing here, that's the longest I have ever gone without writing. 

Right about the first of the year, I felt like the Lord was leading me into a time of being still. Looking back, it was a good thing, and a restoring time. In the middle of it, though, at times it felt like a long dark valley. It seemed like I was putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, just getting through it. I'm sure most of you can relate to a time when you just kept pushing through, unsure when the clouds would break and you would see a ray of sunshine.

At one point a couple of months ago, I was tearing myself down in my prayer time one morning. I was telling God how hard I had been trying to be positive, show love and not hate, and keep my mouth shut a whole lot more. I was kind of depressed and felt like a failure at trying to change. Then I heard a familiar, sweet, still small voice say "your attempts to change yourself are futile. 'Turning over a new leaf' is a human attempt and will not produce lasting results. Cease striving. Let God do it. Be still."

When He had told me in December to "be still," I knew I would be sitting and just listening for His voice a lot. I didn't realize, though, that I would not be able to find the words to write about it. I've always been able to write. Not only was my heart still before Him; my "blogging pen" was as well. I still wrote in my journal regularly, but I never felt released to share anything until now. I couldn't (and shouldn't) write all that here, but here are some highlights.  Some of the things I heard when I was still before Him:

Focus on the positive. I became aware I used the word "hate" too much in my everyday speech. I would say "I hate spring" or "I hate hot weather" way too much; so much that I was convicted once I became aware of what I was saying.  When I asked the Lord how to stop myself from letting my mind run in those veins, He guided me to Philippians 4: 8,9 where it says:

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."

This segues nicely into another thing I heard the Lord say:

Enjoy being with family when you get a chance to be with them. I've mentioned before that I don't get to see my kids often, especially my sons because they live so far away. Well, God provided for me to fly to Houston for my youngest son's doctoral graduation in May. My daughter was not able to attend, but my oldest son, who lives in Georgia, flew there to see his little brother graduate. So I spent 4 days with both of my boys and my daughter-in-law in the fourth largest city in America. It was glorious! We talked and caught up on each others' lives, quoted movies a lot, visited museums, talked some more, had late night supper and coffee in the neatest little coffee shop, took a tour of the UH campus where my son got his doctorate, and just generally ran around together and had a great time. 

It was hard to tear myself away and come home, but I am determined to be thankful for those times, and not dwell on the space of time between the visits. I am grateful I could go and be with them.

I've felt like I'm waiting for things to be like I have asked God to let them be. I want to see the kids and grandkids more often.  I would like to live in a house located where I could see sunrises or sunsets. I want a really good prayer place by a window, like I had in the apartment I lived in for so long.  But then the questions started coming.

What if it's a long time before those things happen? Is my life continually on hold until everything lines up like I want it?

Is Jesus enough? If He never gives me those things which are wants, not needs, can I be content without them? 

What am I doing? Why am I not doing what God called me to do? 

I am called to write, to encourage, and to PRAY. That has been my calling since 1994 when Jesus saved me. There are several needs and people on my heart right now that God has placed on my heart to pray for daily. 

In all honesty, I haven't taken it seriously enough. I bought into the lies of the enemy that praying is what we do when we can't do anything else. 

I don't believe that anymore. That is untrue. Prayer is a very high calling, and I am ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of setting it aside. Just the other day, I heard the Spirit saying these words:

"Is Jesus enough for you? Search your heart. Find out if Jesus is enough...If He's not, repent, make it right with Him and allow Him back in the center of your heart. Then do your job--fulfill your calling. God has anointed you to write, encourage, and intercede."

My answer? Yes, Lord. 

I still don't have those things I have asked for, but it doesn't matter. What really does matter is Jesus is Lord of my life and the passion of my heart is to serve Him. 

So I will write to share His love so that by reading about what God has done for me, others will accept Him as their Savior. I will encourage others whenever I can, both in my writing and just in everyday life. And most of all, I will PRAY. 

The "time-out" I was in proved to be a good thing. Somewhere along the way, God changed my heart while I sat still. I am still under construction, as we all are, but my outlook is different. I get up every day now, thanking God for another day to live and serve Him.

Guess what? The clouds have parted and I can see the sun again.

Be Still

In my last post, I talked a little about seasons, and how I was unhappy that Spring was trying to come in February. I wanted seasons to behave as they are supposed to;  Spring should start around March 20, Summer June 21, etc.

Of course in reality, it never happens that way. Where I live, Spring usually starts in early March, and Summer starts in late April or early May and goes on until about October. During those months I'm usually complaining about the heat and how I hate hot weather.

Or in other words, I'm usually complaining about whatever doesn't suit me. I realized this as I was in prayer a few days ago and it shook me. I was convicted, and I repented. I asked God to forgive me, and change my perspective. I want to be an encouragement to others, not bring them down.

And then it hit me. Actually, it's not really the weather that has been bothering me, it's the fact that seasons are completely out of my control.

Completely. Out. of. My. Control.  [insert record-scratching sound effect here]

Now, as they say, we are getting down to it. We as humans love control; some of us more than others. It's one of the reasons why people have rejected Jesus down through the ages. They want to control their own life, make their own decisions, and ultimately, live their way until they are ready to die.

The irony is, no one is ever really in control of their own life. God is in control of everything; He always has been, always will be.

God controls the seasons in our lives. Yes, the physical seasons of winter, spring, summer, and fall, but more than that. He has a distinct plan for each of our lives, with seasons of different kinds woven into each plan.  Speaking in generalities, there is a season of childhood and a season when we are young adults, some of us getting married and having children of our own. There's a season when we are older and possibly grandparents.

There are also times in our lives when it feels like we are being disciplined. I believe God puts us in seasons like this to guide us and gently show us the way He wants us to go. Sometimes we may really enjoy the season we are in; sometimes, we may struggle and fight against what He is doing in our lives.

I'm of the opinion that if we fight what He is doing, we will just be in that situation longer. It is much better to submit to God's will. He promised to complete the work He started in each one of us. We just need to let Him get on with it.

In other words, just be still.

Since this little revelation, I have been attempting to "be still." He actually showed that to me shortly before 2018 began. Be still is my word for this season. I don't know how long it will be, but I am trying to not struggle and resist what God is doing in my life. I know He has a good plan for me, and He is not out to hurt me.

I hope you will also embrace whatever season God has you in, and be blessed.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

In Defense of the Quiet

I woke up on my own this morning, which is a rare treat for me. Normally I am rudely awakened by a combination of an alarm clock and my cell phone alarm (it's hard for me to wake up). For work I have to get up about six in the morning, but this morning it was almost seven when I opened my eyes.  That doesn't seem like sleeping in to many of you night owls out there, and it really doesn't to me, either. In days gone by, this self-proclaimed night owl has been known to sleep until nine or ten, after being up until two in the morning.  However, as I have grown older, I have noticed it harder to sleep past seven or sometimes eight, and I have found it increasingly difficult to stay up for very long past the ten o'clock news.  I attribute this to the many years of having to get up at six for work. We'll just go with that and leave the joys of aging to another post.

Yesterday, the cold temperatures finally got the timing right and coincided with the arrival of precipitation in our area and the result was: SNOW! I am home today on a snow day, and enjoying it immensely. I love snow, as I have written on here before. However, that's not what this post is about. I am merely setting the stage for something that I observed this morning in the few minutes after I got up.

As I always do when I am home on a snow day, I went to the door and opened it to look out on my street and marvel at the beauty of the fresh snow. Why do we do this? The snow didn't melt or disappear during the night. It was still there, and I knew it was, but I opened the door and looked outside for a moment just the same.

I noticed it as I was about to close the door on the beauty of it, with its 25 degree temperature that caused me to shiver. The quiet. There was absolutely no sound. I opened the storm door to listen better. There was a hush in the air, a stillness that probably always comes when it is early, and cold, and people are not out and about yet. I just hadn't taken the time to notice before. I stood there for a minute more, just listening, straining to hear something. There were no sounds of cars driving by, even on the usually busier street a block away. There no sounds of children on the playground at the nearby school. There was not even the sound of a dog barking or a siren in the distance. It was just so SILENT.

As I shut the door, it occurred to me that all these sounds that are usually present because people are up getting their kids to school and going to work were not there because of the snow. The snow and ice on the streets had temporarily shut everything down. Many who did have to work were going later, when the snow had melted some.  

Most people are irritated at the inconvenience of snow and ice. It is considered a nuisance, breaking our routines and causing an interruption in our daily lives. I totally get that. As I said before, this post is not in defense of snow, per se. It is in defense of something else; a side-effect of the snow:

Being still.

This post is in defense of being quiet. "Be still and know that I am God," Psalm 46:10 says. I'm as guilty as the rest of rushing through my day and making sure all the important stuff gets done. However, I'm only shortchanging myself when I don't go to Him in the times when He allows something to slow me down. Strength and refreshing can come in those quiet times, when it seems that life is at a standstill.

Perhaps these inconveniences are in our lives at times so we will stop, just for a moment, and listen. Sometimes, in just a few minutes, the Lord can bring rest to our souls or healing to our hearts. Everything we need is found in Him.  

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul." 

Psalm 23:1-3 NIV