One Step at a Time

This post is just a look at what I saw and experienced on the trails on several days in late May; mostly so I can see this in a year or two or five and see how I was doing in May of 2025.

The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs, both in the weather and in my emotional state. The exercise and sunshine have done me good and yet I still have bouts of feeling almost depressed. I have managed to push through, but it has been tough at times. I think the key for me has been to keep going whether I feel like it or not. I'm not saying this is the answer, I'm just saying what has been my experience. I truly believe that God put the desire in me to do a daily walk for my health, and HE has given me the physical strength to do it. It's the only explanation, because I'm by nature a couch potato.

Before you start to tell me that in a state of depression a person sometimes is literally too tired to do anything, I know. I have been that person. That has been addressed in some of my earlier blogposts when I was just coming out of depression. It's a real thing, and I'm posting because God has brought me out of that state. I took antidepressants for many years and also had counseling. If you are suffering with depression, I get it. It is a real battle. Hang in there and keep on going. Pray, and God will help you.  

I've mostly been walking the path which goes under the bypass and eventually over to a small lake. I had not been going that far, though, until very recently. A couple of weeks ago I finally made it all the way to the lake, and it was 2.33 miles round trip (I turn around at some point when I walk this path; most times I don't go nearly this far before I turn around).

Love Birds

Small lake

The next day I thought I might be ready to do the "through the woods" trail (not really woods, but a substantial stand of mature trees), which is longer, so I set off for it by going up through the part of the campus where all the buildings are first and entering the woods through the entrance off Hwy. 62. I've included some pictures mixed in with the text. 

Entering the "woods"

Very hilly woods trail

This trail is a LOT of hills, up and down, both ways. According to the report from my watch, I climbed up and down 70 feet in elevation on this day. I wasn't really ready for this walk; it was an exhausting 1.76 miles.

I took pictures most days to keep track of how high the creek still was, because I'm a nerd and that fascinates me. On the May 21st walk, the creek was very robust, but the video won't post to the blog. Here is a photo of how it looked on May 25; still high.

Dodd Creek

I'm comfortably (somewhat) walking 1.5 miles a day as of the last couple of weeks. Occasionally I'll walk 1.6 or 1.7, but I'm not ready to commit to doing more than 1.5 for the next little while. I do intend to try the more elevated path again when I'm more conditioned to my current walking distance. In my defense, 1.5 miles a day is about 3 or 4 times what I used to walk in a day.

The problem now is, it is summer, darn it, which is not my favorite at all! I'm bathed in sweat no matter if I walk early morning or wait until almost sunset. I hate sweating, which is why I hate summer and am counting the days until fall. Only 2 weeks until the longest day, then we start getting shorter (and eventually cooler) days again, finally!

I have tried morning and evening, and I will try to walk in the morning whenever possible. It is much hotter and more humid in the evenings, and the mosquitoes have me on their menu as their favorite appetizer as sunset approaches.

So, that is how it is going. I'm trying to learn contentment, so I can enjoy all the seasons whether they are my favorite or not. I'm aiming for what Paul said: "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." Philippians 4:11 NASB. 

Notice I said "trying." I have not achieved it, but I want to be content. It's a lifelong process. Maybe this is not an entirely encouraging post; maybe it's more of a progress report. I'm improving, slowly. One step at a time.

Blessings, my friends.

Early Walking is Nice

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would address walking, or any kind of outdoor activity at all, but here we are.

All my life I have been a night owl. Even through the years and circumstances that caused me to have to get up early, I did it by necessity, not because I enjoyed it. I would say that is still true today, with one observation: early morning can have its benefits.

Last week I got up early a few days to get my grandkids to school and decided I would walk right after I dropped them off, since I was up anyway. I discovered (or perhaps, just remembered...I have actually been up before 7:00 am in my 70 years), that it is quite lovely outside on a spring morning. 

It is May, and the "beast of scorching heat" that comes upon this area in the summer is still slumbering, but right now the mornings are actually nice. I found that walking about 8:00 am was perfect weather, since I prefer it to be on the cooler side. I thoroughly enjoyed my morning walks last week. My thoughts were, "well, I'll walk in the mornings this week because I'm already up, but next week I'm sleeping in!"

This morning I woke up at 6:20. Yes, in the A.M.

Normally I'd be thinking "seriously? I can sleep as late as I want, and I wake up early?" Instead, my first thought was "I should check the weather and go ahead and walk if it's not raining."

What?!?

So I did just that. I saw on the weather app that we could have showers off and on all day, with a greater chance in the afternoon. My old self would have rejoiced that I might get out of walking, but this "loves to walk" version is planning ways to get my walk in around the weather.

I am not writing this to brag. I'm not "patting myself on the back" for finally doing what I should have been doing all along. I'm writing it to encourage someone out there that whatever it is that you know deep down that you want and need to do, you can do it. 

Look, if I, a lifelong couch potato and overall sedentary lifestyle advocate can start going on a daily walk at the age of 70, anything is possible. I wouldn't have believed it 3 months ago. But now, I know I can not only do what I need to do for my health, I actually enjoy it and look forward to it.

This isn't just about walking. This is a "fill in the blank" encouragement. Only YOU know what it is that you wish you could do, but you think you can't. You CAN. 

It was 7:34 am when I hit the trail this morning, and the threat of rain was looming all around, as the photos I attached will show. I walked 1.5 miles and wasn't even really tired, but I did want some coffee. 

Oh, and I'm still a night owl at heart. I'm not saying I will always walk before 8 am.  But I can and will get up early when the need arises.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 NASB

Christmas in the Hometown

I went back to my hometown for a Christmas visit last week, but I'm just now posting about it.

It was a good visit; I saw friends and family (sorry, didn't get pictures of everyone I got to see) and visited places in town that are new to me (since I haven't lived there in over 2 years). My oldest son flew in from Atlanta, so we got to hang out for a couple of days.

Interesting perspective: My children visited me lots of times in the many years I lived in Van Buren; I would take them to see new things and they would comment on how much their hometown was changing. Well...this time, my son and I were BOTH seeing our hometown as visitors who hadn't lived there in a while. We were amazed and delighted by visiting some things that hadn't changed, such as Paul's Bakery, Pizza Parlour, and Braums. Thank God those places are there! Neither of us have anything as good or nostalgic in our current homes. (Ok, it's not all about food, but we still have to partake of their goodness when we visit! IYKYK!)

We were also amazed and excited to see things that are different, like Arts on Main, which is delightful, and the beautiful downtown area that is vibrant with glorious color and is so alive with the community gathering there.

Also, finally a Chick-fil-A is coming! About time! Although, the traffic is already terrible in that area. I hope someone can engineer a solution to the traffic problem.

We drove through the City Park one night to see the lights there. It's so fun to see what they have done there; they have added some since last year I believe. We forgot to take pictures of them, though.

We also visited Creekmore Park in Fort Smith. Some of the pictures are from there. The line was extremely long, so we didn't ride the train. We just walked around the walking path.

Saturday night, after Jeremy had to go catch a plane, I watched the Christmas Parade. I thought I was videoing the very awesome VBHS marching band but found that I wasn’t! I hadn't pushed the record button apparently. I almost cried about that. They were magnificent.

So there aren’t many pictures of the parade because I was heartbroken I hadn’t captured the band’s performance.

I also walked around and took some pictures of the area close to the depot where the skating rink and tree are (can’t remember what it’s called). I hadn’t taken pictures of it lit up when Jeremy and I had seen it earlier that evening.

It was a great trip, and I'm pleased that my hometown is doing so well. I miss living there, and I miss lots of people there, but I'm so glad to be living where I am now, 10 minutes from my daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids. I'm also gaining new friends and have a new church family here. I'm so blessed.

I hope you all have some wonderful experiences this Christmas season, and that you remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! ❤️🎄❤️🎄❤️

Letting Go and Letting God

Guess I'll catch you up on recent events. The last time I posted I was all

excited to see my hometown high school band at a competition 2 hours away. Well, I guess by it's evident that I didn't get to see them this year. If I had, I would have posted about it. It just wasn't to be.  

I haven't seen them perform in person for the last 3 years. It's disappointing; as a lifelong band mom I love marching band, but especially the one all my kids were in. I'm hoping to make better plans next year and either go back to my hometown for a ballgame or get to one of the competitions that are not too far away.

It seems I'm in a season of letting go of some things. As much as I love watching marching bands, I have finally realized that the season for that part of my life has passed. I will still get to see bands perform, but not with the regularity I did for all those years I lived practically in the shadow of the football stadium.

Honestly, being so far away from where I grew up, raised my family, and worked for my whole life until 2 years ago has been so much harder than I had anticipated. I had NEVER lived anywhere else; not even for college. I went to college as a non-traditional, older student with a full-time job. 

I'm adjusting, but wow. It has not been easy for this senior citizen. I have a new appreciation and respect for those of you who have relocated one or more times. 

I'm also in a season of embracing the new. As I have allowed Him to, God has been showing me things and people to add to my life. I guess I'm stubborn, because I didn't "get it" the whole first year I was in this new town. He's been showing me that while I have had to let go of some things of the past, He is opening my eyes to what I have around me.

I have family, and that is amazing! They are the reason I moved here. I also have friends and events right here.

For instance, Last Sunday afternoon I went to the Winter Concert of the local symphony, which was held on the auditorium of the university here. It was amazing! I love classical music, and it is so much better in person. The whole concert was wonderful, but there were two pieces that stood out. 

First, they performed one of my favorite Christmas songs, Sleigh Ride (the arrangement by Leroy Anderson, complete with the "jazzy part." Has to have that for me). Second, they performed the Hallelujah Chorus from The Messiah, by Handel, complete with a choir. Even though I always listen to this every Christmas, I hadn't heard it in person in a number of years. It was so moving; it brought tears to my eyes.

This is one of the new things I have available to me that I have come to accept and embrace as part of my new life here. Basically, I had to "let go and let God" show me some of the blessings He has for me here, where He prompted me to move.

So I have family, I have a church family that I am getting to know and love, and now I have the music I love so much. God is so good. 

Thanksgiving Day was a good time with family for me. We had a lot of good food, some great fellowship, and fun. We had times of laughter, some good belly laughs. After stuffing ourselves, we all went for a walk. It was a beautiful day in my neck of the woods; upper 50s and not a cloud in the sky at the time of our walk. After our walk we had dessert, and after that we played Pictionary. Family time is the best.

I totally meant to be started on decorating for Christmas by now, but I've been busy. I plan to start this weekend. I'll post pictures of my Christmas decor in an upcoming post.

Be blessed, my friends. I hope your Thanksgiving was a good one. I pray that if you are having to let go of some things you hold dear, as I have, that God will show you something good He is bringing to you, waiting for you to embrace.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every season under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1 

[Reluctant] Post From the Patio

This is the first post from the patio in a long while. Ever since the blasted "spring forward" time change, I have not been able to beat the sun out there. It's always blaring by the time I'm awake enough. Well, that changed this morning.

Thanks to a steroid shot on Monday for relief from really bad seasonal allergies this spring, I have not been able to sleep more than 3-4 hours a night. Last night I slept about 3 hours; I was awake until midnight (trying to get to sleep for at least an hour) and woke up at 3:00 am. Wide awake. I still laid there though, trying to go back to sleep for 3 hours. I finally gave up at 6:00 and got up. I'm hoping I can return to normal (for me, anyway) sleep patterns soon, and also hoping when the newly prescribed Flonase kicks in it won't cause insomnia, too. I already struggle with that as it is.

So I took my meds, made coffee, grabbed my morning devotional supplies and headed out to the patio. Of course, God met me there. Why do I fight this? I should know by now that He works in the low moments, the ones that frustrate us. Those moments that we see as a terrible roadblock in our plan. He meets us right where we are, in our most annoyed and disappointing times if we sit still long enough.

I'm reading a Max Lucado book that I've owned for 19 years; it was first published in 2004. It's titled Come Thirsty.  I am using it as a devotional book, reading one chapter a day. I can't quote it here because of copyright laws, but if you have access to that book, check out chapter 14. It's all about abiding, and God used it to speak into my heart about something I've been praying about. 

So sometimes what we perceive as a bad thing, God uses to show us the answer we've been asking Him for. Would I have still received this written word in the same way if I had read it from inside the house in my chair by the window? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? I just felt drawn to the patio this morning at 6:20 am when it was a brisk 57 degrees. 

I think we have to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in things like this. 

Be blessed, my friends. God really, truly does love you. Always.

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7 NASB

6:24 am coffee with steam

sun creeping to top of trees

from porch-here comes the sun

Winter Solstice

8:00 am on winter solstice; the sun rising as far south as it will. Now the days will start being longer and the sun will rise earlier and farther east every day. I wish it could stay like this, late sunrises, but it won’t. I like winter (within reason—not looking forward to the extreme cold we’re going to get). I like being indoors, warm and cozy. I like doing winter things, like reading, working on picture albums, etc.

It’s actually just now really winter. Spring will be here in a couple of months and I dread the heat, the bugs, and the expectation that I need to get outdoors.

I don’t want to. I like indoors.

So for now, I’m still enjoying winter, even if its days are numbered. Drinking my coffee, listening to Christmas music, and preparing for Christmas. 

Have a great day! It will be a heat wave compared to tomorrow. 😀

Full-On Christmas Season

Hey y’all. Just checking in. This is my version of a blog these days. I will also post this on my blogspot, too, so I can keep track of it.

I write for fun, because I love it, but also to share the love of Jesus and hopefully encourage and spread some joy here and there.

Usually late at night like this I’ll get inspired and just ramble on and on. It’s currently 11:34 pm, but I’m retired so who cares? I have no appointments tomorrow. (I love that!)

Ok. So….It’s after Thanksgiving, so those of you who really know me realize that it’s full-on Christmas everything now:

I’m wearing some type of Christmas clothing or earrings every day, (my cousin Peggy got me started doing that that over 20 years ago), Christmas music is playing in the house (when I’m not watching a Christmas movie), Christmas music plays in the car, and my humble abode is fully decorated for the season.

Well, all but the last one, anyway. I’ll get there.

I used to be a real grinch, but something shifted in me a few years ago. I have slowly begun to realize His truth. I know the true meaning of this season and it brings me great joy. I’m happy, ok?

I’ve also found freedom in just being me. I have no agenda; I’m not out to prove anything or impress anyone. My decor is simple, maybe even cheesy, but it’s heartfelt. It makes me happy. I am not a decorator by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I put a little seasonal decor in each room.

The tree is up and the house is *almost* all decorated. Yes, it’s only a 2 bedroom duplex, but I’ve been busy. I’m working on it, but I’ve also been reading some great “un-put-down-able” books this month. Priorities, y’all. I’ll report on that soon.

I should be finished “Christmas-ing” the house in a couple of days. Until then, keep calm and carry on (as the Brits say).

I love this time of year!

#ilovechristmas

“When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy.” Matt. 2:10

Seasons on the Patio

I haven't posted from the patio in almost 2 weeks. I took pictures, but never managed to get the writing done. Then, the time change. Ugh. I don't mind it either way, but please, can we stick with one or the other and not change it anymore?

It's been so interesting (to me, anyway) to record the path of the sunrises; well, at least the moment the sun tops my barrier of trees in the backyard and invades my morning coffee time.

In the summer, the sun came up in the northeast, the far left hand side of my backyard. By late October, it was coming up in the southeast, the far right corner of my yard. It was also coming up later and later, giving me more time to get my coffee and get out there before the "sunrise."

I guess I'm easily entertained, LOL.

I haven't made it out there this week, but I have pictures from last week and the week before. The first picture, from Oct. 31, shows the sun bearing down on my trusty umbrella, which allowed me some shade for a little while.

The second photo of my coffee (which actually had steam rising from it) was taken last Wednesday, November 2.

I've really enjoyed this season of sitting on my patio in the mornings. I'm not sure how it will go once it's colder out. I may take pictures from inside, out the window in my bedroom, which faces my backyard (and the good 'ol morning sun). Thank God for blackout curtains. 

For the first year that I lived here, I was not sitting on the patio. I was a little discouraged that I didn't have an actual deck, but just a little patio which is seven steps down from my porch. It didn't seem ideal, having to tote my coffee, journal, Bible, etc. down the steps. "I'd really like to not fall getting to the patio," I grumbled inwardly.

So I went on for almost a year in this state of discontent.

Then, just before I started posting from the patio, I felt the Spirit reminding me that this is where God has placed me for this season of my life. He has put me in a duplex in a good neighborhood, situated on a cul-de-sac, so there's hardly any traffic. As He has a way of doing, He has shown me in ways I can't divulge here that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Of course, after feeling convicted, I repented and resolved to make the best of where I am in this season. I have been much more content in the months since I accepted where I'm living. Someday I will probably buy a house, but for now, this is home, and I am starting to really like it.

As for the inconvenience of the patio location, I have discovered I can put my Bible, journal, phone, etc. in a small tote bag. I can then hold on to the handrail with one hand and carry my coffee in the other.

In other news, I went for a walk in a nearby park just before dark tonight. The sun set at 5:06 according to Weather.com, but the sunsets come fast in the mountains. It seemed like it was a little before 5.

I took a few pictures on my walk, which was timed perfectly with the sunset. I didn't plan that; it just turned out that way. This park is a great place to walk, and I try to go there at least 3 times a week when the weather permits.

Thanks for reading my lengthy ramblings. It means a lot.

The Return of the Daffodil

This time a year ago I was lamenting over our early spring-like weather, and complaining that I had a single daffodil that braved a cold, but above freezing, rainy week in late February and finally bloomed in spite of the adverse conditions. 

I was so bummed, because I wanted some winter, and desperately wanted it to snow.

Here is that blog post if you didn't read it and want to. If my link doesn't work (I'm really rusty on my html skills), just copy and paste it into your browser:

<a href=https://debbiev120.blogspot.com/2018/02/just-daffodil.html/">Just a Daffodil</a>

Or, just look for it in the blog archive to the right. It's one of the very few that I wrote in 2018.

Long story short, the next day after my lone daffodil bravely bloomed, someone picked it out of my yard. I was so upset! I had watched its progress all week and when it finally bloomed, it was stolen.

So this year, it is once again too warm for February, as it usually is in my part of the country, and spring flowers are coming up all over the place. One such place is my front yard, in the same area where I had one daffodil last year. Only this year, there is not one. There are seven!

Seven flowers are coming up where I had one last year! I'm actually excited to see them this year. I am resigned to the fact that we don't often get to have winters like I would like to have anymore.  Someday, after I retire, I will most likely move farther north so I can enjoy my favorite season and maybe even see snow sometimes.

Yes, I know; I'm the opposite of normal. Most people move south when they retire, but I detest hot, sticky, and humid southern summers. I always have. If I move, it will be north.

So what did I learn from the daffodils blooming? Without reading too much into it, I feel like it's a reminder of blessings I have been given.

For instance, there is the obvious, like the number of friends and family members I have now compared to years ago when I first found myself single and alone. God has been gracious and generous and He set this lonely girl into a family (Psalm 68:6). I am so blessed.

There is also the not so obvious.

For one, maybe we all have the potential for much more than we first imagined. Spiritual gifts are within all followers of Christ, even if we don't see them or readily know what they are. We have to ask Him to show us, and He will.

Secondly, what seems insignificant and small, like the tiny lone flower, may just grow into an entire garden. We may share the Gospel with one, and that one may share with seven, and those seven may become hundreds. So we should always share our faith, even if it seems like we aren't doing enough. You never know what an impact you may have.

Finally, everyone matters. Everyone. No one is too small or insignificant for God to use. Each and every one of us matters to Him. We each may feel like we are only one person, and therefore we can't do much. God, however, will use each small act done in faith for His kingdom. 

Just like He multiplied that one, brave little daffodil into seven.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. Romans 12:6 NIV

Sitting Beside the Still Waters

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul...."

It's been 3 months since I wrote in the blog. In the 9 years I've been writing here, that's the longest I have ever gone without writing. 

Right about the first of the year, I felt like the Lord was leading me into a time of being still. Looking back, it was a good thing, and a restoring time. In the middle of it, though, at times it felt like a long dark valley. It seemed like I was putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, just getting through it. I'm sure most of you can relate to a time when you just kept pushing through, unsure when the clouds would break and you would see a ray of sunshine.

At one point a couple of months ago, I was tearing myself down in my prayer time one morning. I was telling God how hard I had been trying to be positive, show love and not hate, and keep my mouth shut a whole lot more. I was kind of depressed and felt like a failure at trying to change. Then I heard a familiar, sweet, still small voice say "your attempts to change yourself are futile. 'Turning over a new leaf' is a human attempt and will not produce lasting results. Cease striving. Let God do it. Be still."

When He had told me in December to "be still," I knew I would be sitting and just listening for His voice a lot. I didn't realize, though, that I would not be able to find the words to write about it. I've always been able to write. Not only was my heart still before Him; my "blogging pen" was as well. I still wrote in my journal regularly, but I never felt released to share anything until now. I couldn't (and shouldn't) write all that here, but here are some highlights.  Some of the things I heard when I was still before Him:

Focus on the positive. I became aware I used the word "hate" too much in my everyday speech. I would say "I hate spring" or "I hate hot weather" way too much; so much that I was convicted once I became aware of what I was saying.  When I asked the Lord how to stop myself from letting my mind run in those veins, He guided me to Philippians 4: 8,9 where it says:

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."

This segues nicely into another thing I heard the Lord say:

Enjoy being with family when you get a chance to be with them. I've mentioned before that I don't get to see my kids often, especially my sons because they live so far away. Well, God provided for me to fly to Houston for my youngest son's doctoral graduation in May. My daughter was not able to attend, but my oldest son, who lives in Georgia, flew there to see his little brother graduate. So I spent 4 days with both of my boys and my daughter-in-law in the fourth largest city in America. It was glorious! We talked and caught up on each others' lives, quoted movies a lot, visited museums, talked some more, had late night supper and coffee in the neatest little coffee shop, took a tour of the UH campus where my son got his doctorate, and just generally ran around together and had a great time. 

It was hard to tear myself away and come home, but I am determined to be thankful for those times, and not dwell on the space of time between the visits. I am grateful I could go and be with them.

I've felt like I'm waiting for things to be like I have asked God to let them be. I want to see the kids and grandkids more often.  I would like to live in a house located where I could see sunrises or sunsets. I want a really good prayer place by a window, like I had in the apartment I lived in for so long.  But then the questions started coming.

What if it's a long time before those things happen? Is my life continually on hold until everything lines up like I want it?

Is Jesus enough? If He never gives me those things which are wants, not needs, can I be content without them? 

What am I doing? Why am I not doing what God called me to do? 

I am called to write, to encourage, and to PRAY. That has been my calling since 1994 when Jesus saved me. There are several needs and people on my heart right now that God has placed on my heart to pray for daily. 

In all honesty, I haven't taken it seriously enough. I bought into the lies of the enemy that praying is what we do when we can't do anything else. 

I don't believe that anymore. That is untrue. Prayer is a very high calling, and I am ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of setting it aside. Just the other day, I heard the Spirit saying these words:

"Is Jesus enough for you? Search your heart. Find out if Jesus is enough...If He's not, repent, make it right with Him and allow Him back in the center of your heart. Then do your job--fulfill your calling. God has anointed you to write, encourage, and intercede."

My answer? Yes, Lord. 

I still don't have those things I have asked for, but it doesn't matter. What really does matter is Jesus is Lord of my life and the passion of my heart is to serve Him. 

So I will write to share His love so that by reading about what God has done for me, others will accept Him as their Savior. I will encourage others whenever I can, both in my writing and just in everyday life. And most of all, I will PRAY. 

The "time-out" I was in proved to be a good thing. Somewhere along the way, God changed my heart while I sat still. I am still under construction, as we all are, but my outlook is different. I get up every day now, thanking God for another day to live and serve Him.

Guess what? The clouds have parted and I can see the sun again.

Be Still

In my last post, I talked a little about seasons, and how I was unhappy that Spring was trying to come in February. I wanted seasons to behave as they are supposed to;  Spring should start around March 20, Summer June 21, etc.

Of course in reality, it never happens that way. Where I live, Spring usually starts in early March, and Summer starts in late April or early May and goes on until about October. During those months I'm usually complaining about the heat and how I hate hot weather.

Or in other words, I'm usually complaining about whatever doesn't suit me. I realized this as I was in prayer a few days ago and it shook me. I was convicted, and I repented. I asked God to forgive me, and change my perspective. I want to be an encouragement to others, not bring them down.

And then it hit me. Actually, it's not really the weather that has been bothering me, it's the fact that seasons are completely out of my control.

Completely. Out. of. My. Control.  [insert record-scratching sound effect here]

Now, as they say, we are getting down to it. We as humans love control; some of us more than others. It's one of the reasons why people have rejected Jesus down through the ages. They want to control their own life, make their own decisions, and ultimately, live their way until they are ready to die.

The irony is, no one is ever really in control of their own life. God is in control of everything; He always has been, always will be.

God controls the seasons in our lives. Yes, the physical seasons of winter, spring, summer, and fall, but more than that. He has a distinct plan for each of our lives, with seasons of different kinds woven into each plan.  Speaking in generalities, there is a season of childhood and a season when we are young adults, some of us getting married and having children of our own. There's a season when we are older and possibly grandparents.

There are also times in our lives when it feels like we are being disciplined. I believe God puts us in seasons like this to guide us and gently show us the way He wants us to go. Sometimes we may really enjoy the season we are in; sometimes, we may struggle and fight against what He is doing in our lives.

I'm of the opinion that if we fight what He is doing, we will just be in that situation longer. It is much better to submit to God's will. He promised to complete the work He started in each one of us. We just need to let Him get on with it.

In other words, just be still.

Since this little revelation, I have been attempting to "be still." He actually showed that to me shortly before 2018 began. Be still is my word for this season. I don't know how long it will be, but I am trying to not struggle and resist what God is doing in my life. I know He has a good plan for me, and He is not out to hurt me.

I hope you will also embrace whatever season God has you in, and be blessed.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Just a Daffodil

It warmed up last week and some little green sprigs of the early spring plant life in my yard started popping up here and there. Since winter is my favorite season, I was a little disappointed to notice that it is coming to a close without giving us so much as a single snowflake this year. So I have tried to ignore the signs of spring coming to life around me. Kind of like saying it isn't there if I don't acknowledge it.

That works, right? Ignore it and it will go away.

This past Monday as I was backing out of the driveway to go to work, I noticed a tiny little yellow
bud in a small patch of green on the left side of the car. Inwardly, I groaned. It's a daffodil. Spring is as good as here when they arrive. 

Every day as I left and came back, I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to look to the left of the driveway. The bud was unchanged for most of the week. It had turned off colder early in the week, so this had no doubt slowed its progress. It has rained every day though, so there was no shortage of water for the tiny little flower. It was just a bit too cold for it to finish blooming.

Saturday mornings, I usually linger a bit longer in my quiet time because I don't have to go anywhere. As I sat in my recliner enjoying the rain, I noticed the little flower. It had bloomed. In spite of the colder temperatures, it had hung in there. It was still alive; even thriving. It was drooping a little, but only because it is so small and the rain was beating down on it. 

The Lord spoke to me as I sat looking at the little flower. I felt Him urging me to not be upset with the daffodil because it's merely doing what He created it to do.

Yes, Lord, I know it is, I reasoned. But it's not spring yet. It's February. It's still supposed to be winter, and we never even got any snow. As if  He didn't realize that.

I got up from my chair and went on about my Saturday, but I couldn't get the little daffodil out of my head. I even went out and took a picture of it. The picture attached is the actual daffodil in my yard.

I thought about it off and on all day, and it started to come into focus in my mind that God is speaking to me through a flower.  A flower, and a yellow one at that, when He knows I don't like yellow. It's my least favorite color.

Sunday morning, I was having coffee and prayer time and I stole a glance in the direction of the flower. It was still there; kind of droopy, but completely in bloom. 

It was the only one in the yard.

I'm still not sure what the Lord was saying to me. Possibly that everyone has a purpose, even a tiny, lone daffodil. It doesn't matter if you stand all alone, do what you were made to do. 

That's what the daffodil did. It did exactly what it was supposed to do, in spite of the cold, in spite of the rain. It took it all week, but it finally bloomed. 

I left for church, and the lone daffodil stood proudly, though still droopy. 

When I returned, the sun had been out all morning. For the first time in a week we had sunshine. I expected to see the daffodil finally straightened up with its face toward the sun.

But it was gone. My heart sank. I parked the car and walked over to where the flower had been. No sign of it anywhere. Not one indication remained that there had ever been a yellow daffodil there. The entire plant was gone. I looked all around, thinking maybe one of the squirrels ate it, but there was no yellow anywhere. I don't think it was a squirrel that got it, because they are messy; when they eat pecans on my porch they leave crumbs and shells everywhere.

I think someone picked it. Lots of people walk in my neighborhood and it was close to the street. 

I may never know why the slowly blooming, early daffodil caught my attention, but I actually felt loss when it was gone. I felt like I had been robbed. Actually, I had. It was on my property, so it was mine. 

I was looking forward to seeing it standing upright and not drooping and now I never would.

Pretty silly, I know. All this fuss over a daffodil when I don't like spring, or yellow. Somehow, though, I think something warmed slightly in my heart. The little analogy of a too tiny, too early daffodil resonates within me. A very important truth has been revealed to me.

No one is too small, too insignificant, for God to use. Not even a tiny daffodil. 

I will never look at daffodils the same.

"The Lord has made everything for its own purpose..." Proverbs 16:4 NASB

Restoration!

Someone told me a few weeks ago that they had no idea I had ever been depressed. They have only known me a few years, and it was surprising to them to learn about what I have been through.  It encourages me to hear that, because it's a testimony to the amazing work God has done and is still doing in me. I never want anyone to think I take credit for turning my life around. God gets all the glory for that! If not for Him and His miraculous hand in my life, I have no doubt I would not have made it.

Spiritually, the depression I was in made me feel like I was wandering in the wilderness, and everything was shrouded in fog. I couldn't see which way to go, and I ended up clinging to the people who tried to help me out of kindness and love. I needed to know I was loved and accepted so badly. I was desperate for it.

One of the most painful parts of the wilderness was the way that the songs I listened to and loved during that time became associated with pain. Maybe this doesn't happen to you; I hope not. But so much of the way God speaks to me and ministers to me is through music.

For several years before, during, and following my divorce in 1997, I wandered. I had accepted Jesus, and was following Him but I didn't really know how to accept the healing He wanted to give me. There was a lot of rejection and loneliness in those days, and my solace was music. Friends gave me CDs and I would listen to them over and over.

A lot of negative stuff happened during these years, including drama involving people, churches, and even some family members. Some of it was real rejection, and some was only perceived to be rejection because of the tormenting pain in my heart that distorted the truth. In 2003 I hit rock bottom and God finally had my full attention--because He was all I had left. This was one of the best things that could have happened, though I thought it was going to kill me at the time. I did not want to be in this pain, and I fought it. I finally took the hand He had been offering me for so many years, though, and let Him pull me up out of the pit I was in emotionally.

The healing started that year, but because my emotions were such a wreck, or the depression so deep--who knows?--it took a while for God to bring me out of all that. Slowly, I started to change from the inside out, but I still had a ways to go.

The music? Oh, I'm getting there. In the years following the wilderness time, I discovered that when I heard any of that music from those years I would be repulsed by it. Sometimes I would even have physical pain, like a knife in my stomach. It was such a powerful reminder of those horrible years. You see, it wasn't just me that was being hurt while I was in the wilderness. I did my share of hurling damaging words at people I loved, and it broke my heart that I had wounded the ones I loved the most. I quit writing for a long time because I had used my gift of writing to hurt others, even though that wasn't my intention at the time.

Over time, the music I had listened to became synonymous with pain. Music God intended to be healing and soothing became a painful reminder of where I had been, whom I had hurt, and the shame I bore because of it.

Years went by; I gained victory over some things but not others and went through some ups and downs. Then God started some purifying in me - known in Christian circles as a refining fire - beginning in early 2011 and again I was broken-hearted. Unlike the time before, though, I knew what He was doing and why. So even though I was broken, and it was painful, I embraced it. I knew it had to be this way, that He was ready to deliver me from the bondage and chains of depression, rejection, and need for affirmation from others. I wanted God to heal me and I gave myself over to Him willingly. At this point, I finally started going for counseling.

Let me just say right here that there is no shame in getting counseling if you need it. Christians can have depression, anxiety, and a lot of other problems that sometimes require counseling to work through. I sought out Christian counselors who both counseled and prayed with me. If you need counseling, I strongly urge you to get it.

Finally, I had a major breakthrough in 2012, and soon after became aware that things were different. I felt different, my outlook was different, my relationships were different. I realized that I was not the same person as I had been. I had come to know Jesus in a much deeper way, and I realized that my identity was in Him. He was the Lord of my life and He supplied my every need. Affirmation came from Him and His word. It was amazing when I finally grasped that.

But even though I was walking free from those chains, the music I had loved still hurt. I decided that maybe I would always have to avoid those artists and songs from that era, but at least I was free. But God had another plan.

The music came back to me in an unusual way. One of the most enjoyable things I have done in the last year is reorganize photo albums from way before my time through my high school graduation. As I blogged in another post, major chains fell off spiritually during this process:

<http://debbiev120.blogspot.com/2016/07/perception-problems.html> 

As I said in that other post, not only did God redeem my past in photos, I was led to listen to all the old, painful music. Gospel music from my teen years came back first. I found myself singing a song from long ago and would have to find it and listen to it. Then, one day out of the blue, the music from the painful wilderness years was finally given back to me. All while I was working on the photos. He gave me back the music I had loved, because He delights in me. 

Today, I can truly say that God has restored what the locusts had eaten. I'm still a work in progress, but I can listen to all that great music again! The root of rejection has been removed once and for all. Praise the Lord! It was hard to allow Him to do what He needed to do to heal me and set me free, but SO WORTH IT!

The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you." Joel 2:25 NLT

https://youtu.be/eqgiNtrRMJU

Seasons

A few weeks back, I was reflecting on my life on a Saturday morning, and suddenly I was journaling about it. I have felt for a couple of weeks that I should post it, so that's what I'm doing.  The following is taken from that Saturday morning-with-coffee time of reflection:

There are some things I have learned about myself over the years.

Fact #1--I can't function in chaos. Right now there are various items on the kitchen table, where I am seated, that do not belong here. Some mail, mostly junk, that never made it to the bill rack or trash can.  It has to be sorted though, because there are some pieces of this that I need. There's a half full water bottle for some reason. My Bible case. Pens and markers.  Ugh.  It is really distracting and I have to do something about it today.

For whatever reason, I need a clean table or desk to properly sit and write in my journal or on my blog. The same goes for my desk at work.  I have rearranged my desk top several times in the last couple of months trying to have a cleaner surface so I can work efficiently. As of yesterday, I'm finally happy with my desk.

I don't know why this is.  I'm just happy that I finally realized this about myself.

Fact #2--I have to have my Saturdays to re-charge my "batteries" so to speak.  I used to run and do stuff every weekend and somehow had the energy and stamina to work all week and run all weekend. Not anymore. Except for the occasional weekend trip, for which God gives the grace and energy, I am a hermit on Saturday.

I have come to the the realization that God gives us the grace and strength for what we need to do for a season. Part of it is the aging process.  I am 60 now, and don't have quite the energy level I had when my kids were in high school and I ran all the time doing stuff with them.  However, part of it is just this:  God gave me the ability to run with my teenagers, work my main job all week, and work a part-time job in a fast-food restaurant on nights and weekends at a time in my life when it was needed. More recently, He gave me the motivation and energy to go to college and do homework every night and weekend well past the age when most people are in college.

Now I know it was for a season, and it's over. It's over. Funny thing is, I'm not upset about it. I am grateful to get to be home most nights and on Saturday.  It's my favorite place to be. I have projects around the house I enjoy working on like my pictures, writing my blog, and learning to live a minimal lifestyle.

So those were my thoughts that Saturday morning as I sat with Bible, journal, and coffee. I was left with the impression that it's time to clean up my environment--physically, mentally, and spiritually--and get to what God has called me to do in this season.  For one, I know I'm drawn to writing in this blog. It makes me happy, but most of the time I don't feel like I have anything to say. I have to depend on Jesus to show me what is "share-worthy" in my life.

In other words, I need to sort through the stack of "mail" in my life--the necessary stuff and the unnecessary stuff--and figure out what is junk and what is not. That may not make sense to anyone else, but the analogy is very clear to me. Aside from the junk mail, none of the things on the kitchen table that day were unneeded; they were just out of place. I love to organize. I am excited about this challenge. God will show me how to sort everything out according to His plan.

My main reason for writing is to encourage others and point them to Jesus, who is the only answer. If you are facing a new, uncharted territory in your life, maybe it is just a new season that God is bringing about. Don't be afraid; He will equip you for what He has called you to do.

I embrace the season that God has put me in.  With His help, I know I can do this.

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT