From the Porch: Why is the Tree There?

Rain kept me inside all last week, but I've been able to get to the porch

for my morning coffee and prayer time for most of this week. Sitting out there, I noticed something.

All the other condos in my neighborhood have very similar landscaping. We all have hedges by the front entrance and some other shrubs that are almost cookie-cutter identical. 

My front area, however, has a cedar tree by the driveway instead of a round shrub. As I sat there a few mornings ago, I was pondering why this is. 

I'm not a fan of bright sunlit rooms in my house. I know that's not typical. I like more of a warm, softly lit vibe. Bright sun hurts my eyes; I'm just very sensitive to bright sunlight. I almost always wear sunglasses on the rare occasion that I am outside on a bright day.

This cedar tree shades my living room perfectly. From afternoon through early evening in the warmer months, the sun hits my house increasingly toward the southwest as the summer wears on. Together with the window treatments and mini-blinds, my living room has a bearable level of afternoon sunlight, filtered so well by the tree.

Some would say I was lucky to get the house with the tree when I was looking for a place to rent. I feel like it's more than that, though. I think God had this place in mind for me long ago, when the tree was just a sapling. 

Laugh if you think it silly. I don't mind. I'm sure lots of people laugh when they read my blog. I'm not sharing content that I think will draw people in. I'm just sharing my heart. I know my God orders my steps. Why wouldn't He give me a tree to shade me from the harsh late afternoon sun? 

One more thing. It's a cedar tree; an evergreen. It's green year round, just like God's love is everlasting. 

I'm counting it as one of my blessings. I thank God for the tree that gives me shade.

Be blessed, my friends!

 "I will exalt You, my God, the King,
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
2 Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
3 Great is the Lord, and highly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable." Psalm 145:1-3 NASB

January Happenings

So here I am, January 29 and just now writing a blog post in 2022. I've lived here in a new town for almost six months now. My first day here, when I rolled into town with the remainder of what was in my house before I went to the closing was August 3, 2021. Six months next Thursday. Wow.

I did a recap of 2021 in my last post, so I won't do that. I will say that I have been to my hometown twice since I moved here. The first time was in December, the weekend of the Christmas parade in my hometown and of course I went to it with one of my best friends who is like a sister. It was awesome! I love Christmas.

The second time was a couple of weeks ago when I had to see my doctor from back home to get my meds refilled for the next six months. I only stayed one night because we were due to get snow here the night I drove back. I got home before the snow started, but not by a lot.

We've actually had snow 3 times since January 1; the first time was January 6. It started snowing after the school buses ran that morning and melted by 3:00 to the point where it was safe to drive, so they didn't even get out of school for it. Unbelievable! Of course, as a public school employee for 26 years, I always think about snow in terms of "will we get to stay home?" Haha! I'm a kid at heart. I felt bad for them; kids and staff members alike.

The second time, January 15, it was snowing when I got up. It snowed all day long, and into the night. However, it was above freezing all day, around 34 degrees, so we only accumulated about 2 inches. It was sticking some, but also melting. It probably snowed a foot that day. It finally dropped below freezing well after dark, then it stopped snowing. Then it snowed again on January 19. My grandma would have predicted that it would; she always said if the snow stayed on the ground 3 days it was waiting on another one. LOL! Old wives' tales. Sometimes they run true.

The January 19 snow stuck with no problem because it was well below freezing. It just didn't snow as long this time. We probably got a little over an inch.

I've included a couple of pictures of the snow on January 15. Snow was the big news for the month, at least for me. I love snow! Even though I'm retired now and get to stay home every day, I still love the snow! It's magical to me, watching it snow.

Oh, and I had birthday number 67. I'm telling my age these days because why not? I'm retired, so who am I fooling if I try to hide my age? I'm feeling really blessed these days that I've been allowed to have another birthday. I hope I have a whole bunch more. I have lots of projects to do that will take many years to accomplish.

Thanks, my friends, for taking the time to read my little blog. Hopefully, I'll get in a routine of writing more often. 

God bless you all! 

You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:11

Back to Factory Settings

My soul has been disquieted with much turmoil within over the last year and a half or so. I really did not know what was going on for a long time. I felt like I had no purpose anymore. Finally, it has begun to come into focus for me. God has been cleaning out my heart, removing idols and tearing down the high places.

There has been a lot of closet cleaning so to speak. God has a way of finding things hidden away in my heart that I didn't know or remember were there. Broken dreams and a shattered future are among the things He dug out, things I had already given to Him...or thought I had.

According to what God's Word says about me, I am worth more than I had come to believe over the last couple of years. He says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

All along I have felt like my future was destroyed many years ago when the marriage broke up. It has come to my attention that even if the future I thought I wanted and needed was shattered, God still has one for me. He did not give up on me even though I felt like I was no good, of no use to anyone many times. None of this took Him by surprise.

The words "factory settings" came to me recently when I was meditating on God's word and what He has for me. I did a word search on "back to factory settings." Turns out it means the item (or person in this case) is made as good as new.

As if I was never damaged.

As if I had never been enticed away from my true calling to languish in a perception that I needed something or someone I didn't have.

As if I had never thrown caution to the wind and set aside my purpose, to follow a purpose I thought I saw....just beyond the mist...just out of my reach.

I have been looking through a distorted lens; seeing things as if in a carnival fun house mirror. I wasn't seeing truth; I was believing a lie.

Jesus has shown me that He has picked me up...again...and set me on the right path.

He is even now in the process of restoring my soul "back to factory settings." This process has been painful at times. My heart has once again been broken beyond repair by anyone but the One who built it.

Fortunately for me, I know the the One who made me very well. I am confident of this, that "He who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6.

Praise the Lord!

 

How to Get Through Tough Times

This post may seem scattered, but it's burning in my heart and has to get out.

I've been camping in the Psalms for a while now. Over the years, I've found that I tend to do this when times are tough. And frankly, times are tough right now.

I have not said anything because I'm not the only one hurting. I didn't feel like I had the right to complain. It's not complaining, really, though; it's just being honest. My heart is broken, and I can't be silent anymore.

Oh, I've been crying out to the Lord. I know He hears and cares. But then I remembered that sometimes...not always, but sometimes, I am supposed to share my pain and the remedy for that pain.

I forget that sometimes.

Yes, I get caught up in appearing to brave and strong. We all do that, don't we? We need to come across like we've got it all together. That's what we're expected to do, right?

No, not exactly. God jogged my memory while I was sitting in church tonight. (Don't worry, He did not jog me too hard....)

So I'm admitting that life has been hard lately and I can't do it alone. And I also admit that I have to share my struggles and how I get through them, because that's part of the reason God allows me to write this blog.

I am reminded again and again, that whatever I'm facing;

whether it's

.....the death of a beloved family member....

.....financial struggles....

.....or sickness....

Or all of the above at the same time...
There is a SOLUTION. There is only one way to get through the storms of life. It's exactly opposite of what you would think you would need to do, logically, but here it is:

I praise the Lord. No matter how I feel, In everything I give thanks. GOD HAS NEVER AND WILL NEVER FAIL ME.

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces will never be ashamed.

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him And saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them...

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all" (taken from Psalm 34, NASB).

The Lord is good, and He has never and will never fail me. I have His word on it.

Be blessed, friends. <3

Restoration!

Someone told me a few weeks ago that they had no idea I had ever been depressed. They have only known me a few years, and it was surprising to them to learn about what I have been through.  It encourages me to hear that, because it's a testimony to the amazing work God has done and is still doing in me. I never want anyone to think I take credit for turning my life around. God gets all the glory for that! If not for Him and His miraculous hand in my life, I have no doubt I would not have made it.

Spiritually, the depression I was in made me feel like I was wandering in the wilderness, and everything was shrouded in fog. I couldn't see which way to go, and I ended up clinging to the people who tried to help me out of kindness and love. I needed to know I was loved and accepted so badly. I was desperate for it.

One of the most painful parts of the wilderness was the way that the songs I listened to and loved during that time became associated with pain. Maybe this doesn't happen to you; I hope not. But so much of the way God speaks to me and ministers to me is through music.

For several years before, during, and following my divorce in 1997, I wandered. I had accepted Jesus, and was following Him but I didn't really know how to accept the healing He wanted to give me. There was a lot of rejection and loneliness in those days, and my solace was music. Friends gave me CDs and I would listen to them over and over.

A lot of negative stuff happened during these years, including drama involving people, churches, and even some family members. Some of it was real rejection, and some was only perceived to be rejection because of the tormenting pain in my heart that distorted the truth. In 2003 I hit rock bottom and God finally had my full attention--because He was all I had left. This was one of the best things that could have happened, though I thought it was going to kill me at the time. I did not want to be in this pain, and I fought it. I finally took the hand He had been offering me for so many years, though, and let Him pull me up out of the pit I was in emotionally.

The healing started that year, but because my emotions were such a wreck, or the depression so deep--who knows?--it took a while for God to bring me out of all that. Slowly, I started to change from the inside out, but I still had a ways to go.

The music? Oh, I'm getting there. In the years following the wilderness time, I discovered that when I heard any of that music from those years I would be repulsed by it. Sometimes I would even have physical pain, like a knife in my stomach. It was such a powerful reminder of those horrible years. You see, it wasn't just me that was being hurt while I was in the wilderness. I did my share of hurling damaging words at people I loved, and it broke my heart that I had wounded the ones I loved the most. I quit writing for a long time because I had used my gift of writing to hurt others, even though that wasn't my intention at the time.

Over time, the music I had listened to became synonymous with pain. Music God intended to be healing and soothing became a painful reminder of where I had been, whom I had hurt, and the shame I bore because of it.

Years went by; I gained victory over some things but not others and went through some ups and downs. Then God started some purifying in me - known in Christian circles as a refining fire - beginning in early 2011 and again I was broken-hearted. Unlike the time before, though, I knew what He was doing and why. So even though I was broken, and it was painful, I embraced it. I knew it had to be this way, that He was ready to deliver me from the bondage and chains of depression, rejection, and need for affirmation from others. I wanted God to heal me and I gave myself over to Him willingly. At this point, I finally started going for counseling.

Let me just say right here that there is no shame in getting counseling if you need it. Christians can have depression, anxiety, and a lot of other problems that sometimes require counseling to work through. I sought out Christian counselors who both counseled and prayed with me. If you need counseling, I strongly urge you to get it.

Finally, I had a major breakthrough in 2012, and soon after became aware that things were different. I felt different, my outlook was different, my relationships were different. I realized that I was not the same person as I had been. I had come to know Jesus in a much deeper way, and I realized that my identity was in Him. He was the Lord of my life and He supplied my every need. Affirmation came from Him and His word. It was amazing when I finally grasped that.

But even though I was walking free from those chains, the music I had loved still hurt. I decided that maybe I would always have to avoid those artists and songs from that era, but at least I was free. But God had another plan.

The music came back to me in an unusual way. One of the most enjoyable things I have done in the last year is reorganize photo albums from way before my time through my high school graduation. As I blogged in another post, major chains fell off spiritually during this process:

<http://debbiev120.blogspot.com/2016/07/perception-problems.html> 

As I said in that other post, not only did God redeem my past in photos, I was led to listen to all the old, painful music. Gospel music from my teen years came back first. I found myself singing a song from long ago and would have to find it and listen to it. Then, one day out of the blue, the music from the painful wilderness years was finally given back to me. All while I was working on the photos. He gave me back the music I had loved, because He delights in me. 

Today, I can truly say that God has restored what the locusts had eaten. I'm still a work in progress, but I can listen to all that great music again! The root of rejection has been removed once and for all. Praise the Lord! It was hard to allow Him to do what He needed to do to heal me and set me free, but SO WORTH IT!

The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you." Joel 2:25 NLT

https://youtu.be/eqgiNtrRMJU

More Than Many Sparrows

It has been quite a stormy spring and summer where I live.  We've had a bunch of rain with thunderstorms, and even a flash flood a couple of months ago. All this is most unusual summer behavior for this area.  As a rule we are normally without measurable rainfall in the summer months. It is now August, and though by now it should be dry and brown outside, this is not the case this year.

Memorial Day this year brought a huge thunderstorm through in the late afternoon. Damaging winds and possibly hail were in the forecast for the day.  So I did what I always do in these cases: I decided to ride it out in my safe place just in case.  My bedroom closet, which is in the middle of the house, is where I go when I am uneasy about the weather but don't feel like going to the tornado shelter is necessary.

This particular Monday afternoon's storm quickly escalated to a severe status because of the straight line winds. So I'm in my bedroom with the TV on, watching the play-by-play report they have on when the weather turns nasty. I was sitting on the bed until it started sounding really windy outside, so I moved to the floor of the closet to be farther from the windows. Suddenly, *BOOM!* there was a crashing sound of something hitting the house right beside my bedroom window.  And then darkness. I was quite shaken up, and afraid to go anywhere near any windows, so I sat in the closet floor for another 10 or 15 minutes until the wind subsided some.  

It didn't appear the roof was damaged because there were no leaks in the house. I investigated as well as I could without going outside, because I knew there was probably a power line down, possibly still live, in my back yard. I soon discovered why I had no power when I finally got up the nerve to go to the back of the house and look out the window.  A neighbor's dead tree had come crashing down on the power line that goes from my house to the pole--and pulled my electric meter off the house! It wasn't something hitting the house that I heard; it was the meter being forcefully ripped off, completely disconnecting the electricity. I found out later that it was fortunate that it pulled the electric lines completely clear of the house, because sometimes a fire can start from partially detached lines arcing. 

I reported my outage to the electric company, then did what a lot of us tend to do when something like this happens: I shared it on social media. Almost immediately I got I phone call from a family member offering to let me stay with them, and I took them up on it. Because I had to get an electrician to re-attach the meter to the house before the electric company would re-connect my power, I ended up staying there a couple of days.  I am so thankful for my family.

A few days later, I was walking around in my back yard and praying. There was something still there that was troubling to me.  Another dead tree on the same neighbor's property was leaning and hanging over my property.  I was worried it would come down on my power line and I would have the same problem and expense again.  Knowing that God cares about my problems, I asked Him to somehow get that remaining dead tree removed in a way that did no harm to anyone or anyone's property, and did not cost me any more money. Then I did my very best to dismiss it from my mind, because I had given it to God. This was in early June.

Two months later another storm came through, the first week in August.  It rained heavily, with thunder and lightening at varying intervals all night long. Several times I was awakened by the storm, but never one time did I think about that tree.  I had really cast that care on God.

At 4:00 am, I was suddenly awake, probably from loud thunder. Before I could go back to sleep, I heard what sounded like a wire being stretched very tight, and then it was dark.  This time, it was really dark, because it was the middle of the night.  I found a flashlight and ventured carefully to the back of the house to see if the meter had been pulled off again, but it was so dark I couldn't see it. I called the electric company and reported my outage and tried to go back to sleep. 

Finally, after I tossed and turned in a dark house with no fan or AC on, unable to sleep, the first hints of dawn finally started to appear at the windows.  When it was light enough, I looked out the window by the meter--it was still attached! There was no damage to property, just as I had asked the Lord for. Since the electric company just had to reattach the wires, I was only without power for 5 hours that time.

This has been a long post, but I felt it was necessary to give some back story.  I was really concerned about the tree, and I went to God about it.  He took care of it in His way and in His timing. It was encouraging to me that when He takes care of us, He takes all things about our lives into consideration. 

The lesson He taught me from all this is if He took care of that need, He will certainly take care of all my other needs, too!

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows"  Luke 12:6-7 (NIV).

A Birthday with a Zero

What a weekend I just had!  I don't know where to start. Before I can tell about it, I have to give some perspective on just how rarely I see my kids.

I've mentioned my children on here, and it's common knowledge that they are grown and out of the house. Really, really out of the house. None of them live nearby.  One lives a half day's drive away, but the other two live in two different states to the east and west of here. I've learned to accept the situation and have come to expect to see the two that live farther away once or twice a year. Last month, as a rare treat, they all three came in at once for my graduation from college.  It was the first time I had seen them all at the same time in 3 1/2 years.  

So, this weekend, even though they had just been here a month ago they all three came in again to celebrate my 60th birthday, which is coming up on the 20th.  They threw me a surprise party at a local pizza place. Unknown to me, my daughter and my best friend had been working together for several months to make this party happen. Several white lies were told in the process to pull this off.

Friday night my friend texted me and said we should go shopping the next day. I didn't think too much about it; we don't shop often, but we do on occasion.  I told her ok, and she said she would come pick me up about noon or a little after (we're both night owls. No early shopping for us!). 

She showed up at my house as she said she would, but she looked at little upset. She told me she was sorry, but she had forgotten she had to make an appearance at a co-worker's birthday party before we could go shopping. She said not to worry, though; they wouldn't mind if she brought someone and we would only stay 15 minutes.  

She was very convincing. I trust this woman with my life. She and I are like sisters. I was still not suspicious; it sounded reasonable. So we got in her car, and I saw the gift with the person's name on the card.  More evidence to support her story. 

We got to the restaurant and went inside.  When we got close to the party room, I was greeted with a loud "surprise!" There, in the party room were all three of my children, my son-in-law, my granddaughter, and some close friends and family members. I. WAS. SHOCKED! 

The prettiest cake ever!

I've never been so surprised in my life! They had totally kept it a secret for months!  It was the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I have never been given a party like that. I was so touched that they had gone to so much trouble to make this party happen for me. 

Everyone has gone home, and I'm sitting here alone in my house just trying to process it all. I knew that for a Big Deal like this, I had to blog about it. I have the best children, family, and friends in the world!  I know that one of my love languages is quality time, and I was given a bunch of it this weekend. We all had the best time visiting at the party and afterward.

God is so good to me!  He brought my children home to help me celebrate this zero-ending birthday number (that also involves a 6) and "soften the blow" in the process. We've already established that I don't act my age, anyway, so it's just a number. It does not define me. Tomorrow morning, I leave my fifties and enter my sixties.  

But the world will keep on turning.  Hello 60!

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. Psalm 103:2 NLT

I've Said Too Much, God

I was skimming through some old journals tonight and ran across an entry from 2008 that caught my attention. Even though it was from six years ago, it could just as easily have been last week. Here's an excerpt:

"For the last several months, I have been in a battle spiritually.  I found myself in a hot, dry valley, and I was doggedly trudging around the same mountain....hey, didn’t I pass this way before?  Ever been there?  Ever found yourself trying to conquer something that you thought you had already beaten, only to find that you took a wrong turn somewhere, and now you are back there again?  And there it is, staring you in the face.  All the signs are there....the same fork in the road....same old barn on the right....same landmarks......yep, I recognize the scenery all right.  Hmmm....I think I’m lost.  I guess I’d better ask for directions.

That is where I discovered I was this morning.  I had utterly exhausted my own ways and resources.  I was completely spent when I went before the Lord this morning.  There was simply nothing left of me or my ways.  My logic and reasoning had brought me to a familiar place.  I had to admit that I had been going in circles."

Wow! That could have been yesterday!  For a minute I was discouraged, and I felt like maybe I'll never learn. Maybe I'll keep trudging around this mountain endlessly. But wait a minute; I have learned something in the past six years since I wrote this, and it brings me hope.

For one, I'm not depressed anymore.  I get down sometimes just like anyone else does, but it doesn't last. I am able to get up with God's help and go on.

Another improvement is my relationship with my best friend, Jesus. I depend on Him for everything.  I ask His help in every step. I openly admit to Him I could not take another step without Him.

He rushes to my rescue daily. DAILY. 

This revelation of who He is to me and how valuable He is to me came to me at a high price, through times of deep suffering over the years. With each new heartbreak, I honestly thought I would die, my heart was so broken; my spirit so crushed. 

But no. I didn't die. And as strange as it may sound, I am actually thankful for the times when I had a broken heart and crushed spirit.  Without the pain I would have never sought out a deeper relationship with my Savior.  I would have never been free of the bondage that had me bound then, but that I have been set free from forever. 

So in many ways, there is power in the pain; it leads us to Jesus.

Towards the end of the book of Job, after he and his friends have had so much to say about the whys and wherefores of why he was in the mess he was in, God steps in and has His say.  He spoke to Job out of the "eye of a violent storm" as it so eloquently declares in the Message translation of the Bible.  Sometimes, in the very middle of what we are going through, God will speak to us.  Maybe that is the only time He can get us still and quiet enough to hear His voice! 

God said to Job, toward the end of the book:

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much.  Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveying line? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?

"Who kept the sea inside its boundaries as it burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and wrapped it in thick darkness?  For I locked it behind barred gates, limiting its shores. I said, ’This far and no farther will you come. Here your proud waves must stop!’"

During the dark times, I have I found myself telling the Lord, as Job finally did, "I have said too much already, God.  I need to hear from YOU."  He is always faithful, and He does speak to me. 

I have heard Him say, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 NASB

Who am I to question God?  Even in the way it is worded declares emphatically His intent:  surely.  He uses that twice to emphasize His meaning.  Without a doubt, He most certainly will help me, and He most certainly will help you, too.

He is reaching down with His righteous right hand even now. Reach back to Him and praise Him.  Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

I Live to Say This

"God you reign, God you reign, forever and ever, God you reign..."

We sang this song at church this morning.  We've sung it countless times over the last few years, and yet I discovered something in it today, something I hadn't noticed or felt before.  The first verse is about God, what He has created, and how that creation in turn praises him.

"You paint the night, you count the stars and you know them by name,
The skies proclaim, 'God you reign.'
Your glory shines, you teach the sun when to bring a new day,
Creation sings, 'God you reign.'"

Here are the words to the second  verse:

"You part the seas, you move the mountains with the words that you say,
My song remains, 'God you reign.'
You hold my life, you know my heart, and you call me by name;
I live to say, 'God you reign.'"

It never occurred to me until I was singing those words this morning, "I live to say, 'God you reign,'" that this is what I do. I sing His praises, and I write about him and his glorious works.  That's what this blog is: an avenue through which I can get the word out about my God and what he has done for me.

As a believer and follower of Jesus, I am commissioned, as all Christians are, to "Go and tell:"

"He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.'" Mark 16:15 NIV

I may not literally preach from a pulpit, but I believe strongly that God has placed a desire in me to write in this blog. Sometimes it may seem silly, and we sometimes get to have a laugh at my expense over the stuff I've experienced. Other times, it may  bring readers to tears. Whatever the subject is in any given blog posting, I know beyond any doubt that I am to testify about my Lord and tell what he has done in my life. This is part of my ministry. My job is to point others to Christ, and I always try to do this in every posting.

May you let God reign in your life!