I'm Still Pressing On

Two years ago today, at approximately 9:00pm, I rolled into the town where I now live, backed up into the driveway of my daughter's basement apartment, and was greeted by a welcoming committee: my daughter, son-in-law, granddaughter, and grandson ran out to greet me, welcoming me to their town and their home. 

They immediately started unloading my car, which was crammed full of the last of my belongings from my house in my hometown. Over the course of several weeks, they had made trips to get my furniture and items I could live without until I closed on my house. This was the last hurrah. The caboose. The final load of random stuff. 

The end of the chapter had come earlier that day. I had spent the day loading the car in sweltering 100 degree heat and cleaning the house. I looked through every nook and cranny, making sure I had everything. I walked through each room, remembering events of the 12 years I had spent in my little bungalow that I was able to buy on my own (with God's help, of course) in 2009. I was so proud of that little house. 

After all I had been through, I never thought I'd be able to buy a house of my own. But GOD...He gave me a better job, helped me get out of debt, and eventually, found me the perfect little house.

It felt like a miracle to me. I believe it was.

It was bittersweet to sell it and move 175 miles away to a small town in the middle of nowhere that I had only visited 2-3 times a year since my daughter had lived here. Only the grace of God could have enabled me to do that. Looking back, I know that was the only way I had the strength and fortitude to do what I did.

I believe God gave me the ability to do this hard thing because it's part of His plan for me. I really believe I'm supposed to be here, at this time and in this town.

So, when the time for the loan closing came in the late afternoon, I locked up the house, gave it one last look, and drove downtown to the office to sign the papers.

Tears might have been shed at some point in the process. I went and said goodbye to my cousin at her workplace, drove to where my best friend works and said goodbye to her, then, with one more look at my beloved hometown, where I had lived for 66.5 years (my entire life up until that day), I got on the highway and started the long drive to the town I now call home.

I knew no one here except my daughter, her family, and her in-laws, who live about 30 minutes away. 

I no longer live in her basement; I was able to find a duplex across town, around 10 minutes from her for a decent monthly rent and moved in September 2021.

It hasn't always been rosy and happy; I have had some sad days along the way. I miss my friends in what will always be considered "back home." I miss my little house. I miss the entire town. 

But...I'm finally starting to feel like I belong here now. 

It's wonderful having family 10 minutes away. I love seeing my daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids more than 2-3 times a year. I get to go to school events. I pick the grandkids up from school a lot of the time. I have made some great friends, and I have found a church home. 

Who says a single woman can't start a new chapter in her late 60s?

All in all, I'd say it's going ok here in my new town. 

"...forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 

In front of my little house in VB 2021

On the patio in my new digs 2023

July 2023 - new home

What I've Been Up To

So, here's what I've been up to...

Retirement is wonderful. For the past 8 months since I left my job and stepped into the unknown world as a retiree in a new town, I have slept in a lot, read, watched TV and movies, and spent a lot of time with my family that I moved here to be close to. 

At first, after I was unpacked and settled in, I just wandered through my duplex trying to figure out what I needed to do. 

Suddenly, for the first time in many years, I felt like I didn't have a purpose. That whole post last week was about how I am a writer and need to allow myself to do that. I will do more of that, but that's only one facet of my new life.

I have so many things I want to do, and now I finally have time to do them. However, at times it's so overwhelming! What to choose? 

I have my self-imposed "family historian" duties, which I have taken on myself to do because I love working on that. I'm revising photo albums with journaling on the pages to describe who are in the pictures and what the event was. Also, I'm scanning older printed pictures into digital storage for back up.

There are the collector souvenir spoons I have been collecting since 1974. The collection is getting large and I'm looking at new ways to display them. So, there's that project.

Of course, there are always books to read. I have been reading a lot more, although it's usually only an hour before bed at night. I don't sit and read all day, though I guess I could some days if I wanted to. I have fallen in love with books again after many years of not reading very much. I'm using the public library here, visiting every other week to take back and check out more books. It's a wonderful place, and big enough to get lost in. I love it.

Perhaps one of the most important things I've been doing is paying better attention to my health. I've started walking at a local park that has an excellent system of trails. I walked three days this past week. My legs ached at night, but I was pleased that I had finally been motivated enough to get some exercise.

So, this is not an earth-shattering type of post; just a little note to let my readers know that first, I really to intend to write more and second, life is good in my little neck of the woods where I now live. I'm adapting.

I'll leave this little bit of encouragement from Philippians:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 NASB

Until next time, be blessed my friends. Love y'all! 💓

Work Looks Different These Days

A couple of days ago, I realized I hadn't been writing in my journal. In fact, I became aware that I was not lingering as long to hear from the Spirit in my quiet time in the mornings, when I have prayer and Bible reading. 

Ironically, I finally became aware of this because I lingered a little longer. Yep.

I had been reading Psalm 34 over and over; I read some parts out loud, and I sat and meditated on what its meaning was. The whole chapter is amazing, but I want to focus on this part:

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:13, 14.  

The last phrase, "seek peace and pursue it" really hit home with me. I started thinking, how do I seek peace?

This led me to ponder why I haven't been sitting as long, listening, and writing in my journal. Then I began to comprehend what was going on:

I feel like I should be "busy;" up and dressed and "doing something constructive." All those years I was in the work force, I was up and "being constructive" by no later than 7:30 am in the morning in the school office. 

It dawned on me that I have been feeling like I'm being lazy. I have falsely believed that "busy is good" and "being still is laziness."

But, as I have discovered in the last few years, I'm a writer. It's actually my only job now, since I retired. Writers have to sit still to write what they need to write. It's how they do their work; it's the method needed to do their job!

Since retirement last July, I have not ceased being busy; and when I am not being busy and on my feet doing some type of physical work like laundry, housework, or sorting through stuff to donate, I have fallen into the trap of feeling guilty for not being productive. 

Sidenote: I've even allowed myself to feel guilty for reading so much more (mostly an hour before bed, or 15 minutes here and there waiting to pick up the grandkids). I've averaged about a book a week since January 1. 

It is probably understandable to still feel like I need to be doing something; after all, I had to pull my non-morning-person self up and force myself out the door to work for so many years. So many years.

Back then, I had a sense of purpose. I knew what I was supposed to do. It was, by the way, a desk job requiring me to sit and do computer work and deposits and all that bookkeeper type of stuff.  Strange that I never felt like I was not being productive by sitting still back then.

It was a wonderful job, and it was given to me by God. I loved my job, and because God gave it to me, He enabled me to be good at it. In and of myself I wouldn't have been able to do it. 

It was actually painful to give it up, but I knew deep in my heart that it was time...time to do the job God has given me for this next phase of my life.

Writing.

God put writing within me a long time ago. It's a gift; part of His spiritual gift in me of encouragement. 

How does that work? A person who has struggled with depression and anxiety for most of her life is an encourager?

Crazy I know. But here we are. However, I always know I have to lean close in and hear from God. I cannot do this without Him. He gets all the glory that way.

So, if He wants me to exercise my gift to write and encourage, He knows I have to have some part of my day to sit and do just that. Therefore, I should not feel guilty for sitting and listening to the Lord when I'm meditating on His word.

Some people are called to do the more physical things, like those called to hospitality. Man, I wish I could do those things! Those people who love to cook and plan parties and stuff like that. God love them, they are so important! We need them. I'm in awe of them; I can't do what they do. 

I am not that person, and I've finally just admitted it.

I can no longer accept the condemnation heaped on me by my own perception of what productivity looks like. I've felt inadequate for far too long. Those people who are naturally physically active people who have the capacity to be more active, those who like to cook and entertain, or the ones who are outgoing and can talk to people with ease are exercising their God given gifts. God put that within them to do those things.

I'm no way trying to say they are better than I am, or I am better than they. Please hear my heart on this. 

They have their job to do, and I have mine.

"Lord, today I accept the assignment You gave me all those years ago when I accepted You as Savior, and I fully embrace it. I will be still and know you are God; and I will write."

Blessings, friends. 💗

Are You Up for the Task?

Thanksgiving day.  Many of us pause and reflect on our lives and consider how blessed we are and what we are thankful for.  We did this at our family dinner today. I told everyone I'm thankful for retirement and for family being 15 minutes away, instead of 3 1/2 hours.

I didn't lie; this is true. After deeper reflection this evening, however, I have found more to be thankful for. Please bear with me while I share a story with you.

For most of my life through 26 years ago, I was not really an organized person. I struggled all through the years my children were growing up, barely keeping up with everything, and most of the time I felt very inadequate. Because of my own upbringing, I had extremely low self-esteem. I compared myself with everyone I knew, before there was social media, which causes a lot of us to feel like we come up short these days if we let it.  I don't think I would have done as well as I did if I'd had immediate access to everything we have today. My fragile self-image would have shattered.

Also, a very important bit of info to note is that, though I grew up in church I did not accept Jesus as my Savior until I was 39. My children were teenagers by then. 

By the grace of God, I started a new job at the beginning of the school year in 1995, and I had a decent job at last. 

So in February of 1996, just a little over a year after I accepted Christ, the situation was this: my children were teens and one was actually already in college. My marriage was barely hanging on by a thread, but I had a steady, decently paying job, which in hindsight I see now was a gift from God, and an integral part of His plan for me.

And then, on February 28, my mother suddenly died. It was devastating, but for now I'm going to focus on something very practical regarding the whole situation. It was also a very emotional time of course, but this is where the miracle comes in.

Suddenly, I had all the arrangements to make for her funeral and for going through all her possessions. All this was up to me because just 3 months before, my only brother had also died suddenly. It was all up to me.

After the funeral I had three weeks to get her apartment cleaned out and the key turned in.

I remember sitting there, alone in that apartment, and praying for God to help me. I had no idea what to do or where to start. I was a 41-year-old mother of three and had very poor organizational skills. I was not prepared nor equipped for what lay ahead of me. However, I am certain that what happened after that prayer was a God thing. I believe that after that prayer, He gave me the ability and enabled me to do what I needed to do.

The answer came in several stages. I know now that all of this was God directing me, even though it just came to me as an idea. First, it occurred to me to start at the door of the room I was in and consider each thing, one at a time as I worked. I felt like I should go around the room and tackle each thing. I simply obeyed God's leading and did exactly that. I may have been in shock; I don't remember many other details about that time of my life. This was probably for the best, because I needed to set emotions aside and work on the task at hand.

Sometimes extreme adversity that seems like it will break us is exactly what God uses to equip us for what He has planned for us.  

Every day for 3 weeks I worked all day at my job and then went to my mother's apartment to work on going through her stuff. At one point, as I started to encounter a LOT of pictures everywhere (my dad had been a photographer, so there were tons of them), the thought came to me that I should get three large plastic containers and sort the pictures into them by approximate time periods: 1) very old pictures, 2) pictures of my childhood era, and 3) pictures that were more current. 

The only explanation for how I was able to accomplish this is it was a miracle. I feel like God put the organizational skill into me that I needed to complete the task at hand. I went through all her stuff, sorting and organizing as if I were a professional organizer. I suddenly just knew how to proceed when faced with a house full of my mother's personal belongings. I had never been able to do that before in my life! But I was doing it, AND I was able to do it without crumbling into a million pieces emotionally.

That is a miracle, in my opinion.

I rented a storage building and put her furniture and the things I had boxed up into it, with plans to have a garage sale in the spring when it warmed up. I know I had to have had help to move all that furniture, but I have no memory of that at all. None.

Two months later, in April 1996, an F3 tornado ripped through our town and tore the roof partly off the storage building where all my mother's stuff was. When we were finally allowed in, I found most of it ruined, but the photos were unharmed because I had felt strongly that the pictures should be in waterproof containers.

This is no coincidence. It was GOD. He is the only possible explanation of how I could do what I did.

As far as the furniture went, I just had to consider most of it a loss. I was so thankful that I had put the pictures and sentimental items into plastic containers.

I told this story to encourage someone today. I have really felt strongly for several days that I had to share this story of how I became organized, a life skill that has served me well ever since that emergency time that I was facing a mountain with no way to move it. I believe God gave me the ability. I was a mess back then, and yet God worked a miracle to equip me for what He knew I would have to do. To this very day, I am still extremely organized. 

I am SO thankful for what He did for me during that very hard, stressful time in my life all those years ago.

I didn't really want to share this, it seemed silly to me that anyone would be interested, but the feeling that I had to was strong, so I did.

Someone reading this needs to know that God is willing and waiting to help if you will only ask. There may be a mountain in front of you, but He will show you what needs to be done and equip you for the task, whatever it is. It doesn't have to be the same type of help He gave me. It may be something completely different, but you feel you aren't up for the task. You can't do it unless He equips you.

He did it for me 26 years ago, and He will do it for you.  You are not alone. He is right beside you.

God is our refuge and strength, A very ready help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

Meanwhile, in a Nearby Small Town...

Well, ok, it's not so nearby to most of my friends and family, but I have been busy in the town I moved to in August.

I have once again been too busy to write. In mid-September I found a duplex for rent and my contract started on Sept 15, the birthday of my firstborn child. I spent the last half of September moving in, and have been getting settled in my new place since then. I decided to rent for a while because the housing market is crazy right now. Everything is sky-high expensive. I will possibly look into buying in a year...or maybe I'll just continue to rent. It's kind of nice to not have to worry about the expenses that come with being a homeowner, and the rent is decent.

I've kind of fallen into the rabbit hole of YouTube videos; specifically those about minimalism, rental renos, and decorating. I pulled myself away to write because lately I've been feeling like I am supposed to. Actually, I've felt like I'm supposed to write a book, maybe more than one, for a while now. So I'm exercising the typing muscles and writing in my blog. 

All the YouTube videos have made me feel inadequate to some degree, but my gift is writing, not public speaking. I don't think I could ever feel comfortable doing a "vlog," as they call the video version of blogging. It's just not me.

But will anyone continue to read my blogs? In today's world, no one seems to have time to read; everyone wants to watch or listen. Several people I know listen to podcasts every day for their daily Bible reading and for devotionals.

Maybe that's why I need to pursue the book-writing. 

Call me old-fashioned; I still like the written word. I have read 21+ books (that's an estimate; I've actually lost count) in 2021; most of those since I retired in June. I have really enjoyed having time to read, but I don't read more than about an hour a day because I have so many other things I want to do.

That's really all I have for the moment. If you read this, consider commenting either on the blog post or Facebook or Twitter. Would you continue to read a blog, or have you become more accustomed to listening instead of reading?

I'd be interested to know if I still have any followers. 

This scripture has stuck with me for days now; it causes me to think about my sphere of influence, and how can fulfill the plans God has for me? He has put a fire into my heart to write. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do, either with more regular blogging (MUCH more regular blogging), and eventually, books?

"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ..."  Colossians 4:2,3 NASB

New Chapter

It's been a while since I have written in this blog. There's been a LOT going on.

For starters, I'll sum up (too much to 'splain just yet):

June 18: On the day after my last official work day (I had vacation days to use up), I sold my house.

June 30: I officially retired from the school where I had worked since 1995.

August 3: I closed on the house I had bought in 2009 and that same day, drove 3 1/2 hours to where my daughter and her family lives.

Yep, a lot has happened in a short amount of time. Welcome to the new chapter of my life. Now, let me explain what's been going on.

Several years ago, when I first started thinking about retirement, I started entertaining the thought of moving to where my family lives. Those who know me know that I could have not been persuaded to leave my hometown, the only place I have lived for the 66.5 years of my life so far, unless God directed me to. I liked my little house and my little town. I had close friends at church and at work. I was content.

Until I wasn't. About 2 years ago, I really started to feel isolated from family and friends. Several good friends had retired or became involved in their own families to a greater extent so that I seldom saw them. Completely understandable, but those are the facts. Also, I only saw my kids about once a year, and 2-3 times a year I traveled to the town where I am now living to see my grandkids.

Then Covid came along, and all that came to an abrupt halt. There was no more seeing anyone, anytime. I was working from home, where I lived alone. I didn't see my friends, my co-workers, my church family, or my children and grandchildren. The only social interaction I had was on zoom and Facetime calls.

I don't have to tell you, though; you all lived it with me. Our society has changed drastically in the past year and a half.

My daughter had been suggesting that I moved to their town when I retired. I had been hesitant, but still open to the suggestion for SOMEDAY. Not right away, though. That is, until the 4 1/2 months of working from home and isolation I endured from mid-March through the first week of August in 2020.

I'm not outgoing; I'm actually quite the introvert, and I do fine by myself with some social interaction every so often. I didn't do so well with 4+ months of it, though.

I started to feel like I was on an island, and there were no boats venturing close to it. I went days without uttering a sound because there was no one anywhere near me.

My beloved 15-year-old cat, Izzy, had crossed the rainbow bridge in December 2020, so I didn't even have her to talk to.

The idea of moving started to sound plausible. 

About a year ago, I started considering putting my house up for sale in the spring of 2021. I prayed about it a lot, and somewhere along the way a number--a sale price for my house--came to me. I pushed it aside because I knew nothing about selling a house and what to ask for it.

But the number stayed there. I began to realize that it was God putting that number in my head. I felt He was telling me that this was the price I would get for it.

I consulted a friend at church who is a realtor, and she told me what I should ask for my house if I wanted to sell it on my own. This price was a little more than the number I had been thinking of, but it's what I decided to start with. The plan was to try and sell it for a few weeks, then list it with her if it didn't sell.

By the middle of June, the people who had been interested in my house all backed away. No one even countered my asking price. I decided that meant I was supposed to list it, so I made an appointment for June 18, my first day of vacation, to meet with my realtor and list my house.

Meanwhile...(this is where it gets good)...    

I needed to train my replacement at my job, but we had difficulty getting together. I finally got to work with her for 2 hours on my last day on the job, at the end of the day. I now know that this was exactly how God set it up.

The peace of God enveloped me when I met her; I knew she was who God wanted to have my job. He had given it to me years before in a strange turn of events and I had loved my job. It was the job I was meant to do. Now I knew He had done the same for her.

I had paperwork to turn in to the administration office, but they were closed by the time we were finished that day, so I went to turn in the paperwork the next morning, on the first day of my vacation, June 18. Because I had to go to the office to turn this in, I saw and talked to someone I didn't see often. As it turns out, this is who bought my house. 

I had been feeling a little irritated that the events of that week had not lined up like I had planned. But God...HE had a plan.

The price? There was an offer, and I countered. Then the buyer countered the number that had been in my head for almost a year. 

I started crying because I knew God was working to sell my house.

GOD sold my house. I had nothing to do with it. 

I still don't have a house of my own; housing is hard to find right now. But I have my daughter and son-in-law's basement apartment to live in until I find a place. My needs are met. God had it all worked out.

So begins my new chapter, in a new town. God is in control, He has shown me that repeatedly. 

By the way, this is the scripture that came to me when I woke up this morning:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Sitting Beside the Still Waters

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul...."

It's been 3 months since I wrote in the blog. In the 9 years I've been writing here, that's the longest I have ever gone without writing. 

Right about the first of the year, I felt like the Lord was leading me into a time of being still. Looking back, it was a good thing, and a restoring time. In the middle of it, though, at times it felt like a long dark valley. It seemed like I was putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, just getting through it. I'm sure most of you can relate to a time when you just kept pushing through, unsure when the clouds would break and you would see a ray of sunshine.

At one point a couple of months ago, I was tearing myself down in my prayer time one morning. I was telling God how hard I had been trying to be positive, show love and not hate, and keep my mouth shut a whole lot more. I was kind of depressed and felt like a failure at trying to change. Then I heard a familiar, sweet, still small voice say "your attempts to change yourself are futile. 'Turning over a new leaf' is a human attempt and will not produce lasting results. Cease striving. Let God do it. Be still."

When He had told me in December to "be still," I knew I would be sitting and just listening for His voice a lot. I didn't realize, though, that I would not be able to find the words to write about it. I've always been able to write. Not only was my heart still before Him; my "blogging pen" was as well. I still wrote in my journal regularly, but I never felt released to share anything until now. I couldn't (and shouldn't) write all that here, but here are some highlights.  Some of the things I heard when I was still before Him:

Focus on the positive. I became aware I used the word "hate" too much in my everyday speech. I would say "I hate spring" or "I hate hot weather" way too much; so much that I was convicted once I became aware of what I was saying.  When I asked the Lord how to stop myself from letting my mind run in those veins, He guided me to Philippians 4: 8,9 where it says:

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."

This segues nicely into another thing I heard the Lord say:

Enjoy being with family when you get a chance to be with them. I've mentioned before that I don't get to see my kids often, especially my sons because they live so far away. Well, God provided for me to fly to Houston for my youngest son's doctoral graduation in May. My daughter was not able to attend, but my oldest son, who lives in Georgia, flew there to see his little brother graduate. So I spent 4 days with both of my boys and my daughter-in-law in the fourth largest city in America. It was glorious! We talked and caught up on each others' lives, quoted movies a lot, visited museums, talked some more, had late night supper and coffee in the neatest little coffee shop, took a tour of the UH campus where my son got his doctorate, and just generally ran around together and had a great time. 

It was hard to tear myself away and come home, but I am determined to be thankful for those times, and not dwell on the space of time between the visits. I am grateful I could go and be with them.

I've felt like I'm waiting for things to be like I have asked God to let them be. I want to see the kids and grandkids more often.  I would like to live in a house located where I could see sunrises or sunsets. I want a really good prayer place by a window, like I had in the apartment I lived in for so long.  But then the questions started coming.

What if it's a long time before those things happen? Is my life continually on hold until everything lines up like I want it?

Is Jesus enough? If He never gives me those things which are wants, not needs, can I be content without them? 

What am I doing? Why am I not doing what God called me to do? 

I am called to write, to encourage, and to PRAY. That has been my calling since 1994 when Jesus saved me. There are several needs and people on my heart right now that God has placed on my heart to pray for daily. 

In all honesty, I haven't taken it seriously enough. I bought into the lies of the enemy that praying is what we do when we can't do anything else. 

I don't believe that anymore. That is untrue. Prayer is a very high calling, and I am ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of setting it aside. Just the other day, I heard the Spirit saying these words:

"Is Jesus enough for you? Search your heart. Find out if Jesus is enough...If He's not, repent, make it right with Him and allow Him back in the center of your heart. Then do your job--fulfill your calling. God has anointed you to write, encourage, and intercede."

My answer? Yes, Lord. 

I still don't have those things I have asked for, but it doesn't matter. What really does matter is Jesus is Lord of my life and the passion of my heart is to serve Him. 

So I will write to share His love so that by reading about what God has done for me, others will accept Him as their Savior. I will encourage others whenever I can, both in my writing and just in everyday life. And most of all, I will PRAY. 

The "time-out" I was in proved to be a good thing. Somewhere along the way, God changed my heart while I sat still. I am still under construction, as we all are, but my outlook is different. I get up every day now, thanking God for another day to live and serve Him.

Guess what? The clouds have parted and I can see the sun again.

The Perfect Life

It was a particularly busy day at work one day recently. The whole day it seemed that I would no sooner start on one project until 2 more came up almost simultaneously. There was a steady stream of people in and out of my office needing something or asking questions. There were deadlines to meet, places to be, and a stack of things to do.

I fuss about it, but I love the pace of my job. I thrive on it.

I took each thing as it came, as I have learned to do, and pushed through.  Days like that, though they may seem overwhelming, do at least make the day seem to fly by.  In the midst of all the busyness, though, the Lord prompted me to write about a question that came up as I was reflecting on this chaotic day.

What would I be doing right now if I had been given the perfect life I always thought I wanted?

In the seventies when I was a teenager, I remember thinking a perfect life would be to get married, have children, and be a stay at home mom all during their growing up years. Before you judge me too harshly, remember one little detail: In those days it was quite common for mothers to stay home with their children while the husband went off to work everyday to "bring home the bacon." 

I had a brief ambition in high school to go to business college and be trained in office administration before getting married. However, I fell in love my senior year in high school, and the fleeting ambition to go to college fell by the wayside. After high school graduation I got married at eighteen and had three children within the first decade of our marriage. I got to stay home with my children part of the time, but for the most part, my dream life was not working out like I had planned because:

I kept having to return to the workforce.

Except for a few precious years, I was a working mom. I was thinking about what life was like when my children were small. I can never really know what "might have been," like George Bailey did in It's a Wonderful Life. I have an idea, though, that what I thought I wanted was not at all what I needed.

I remember being unhappy about having to go back to work when the youngest started first grade. The monetary strain of raising a family caused the need for me to seek a job. If I had stayed home, though, the chain of events that unfolded over the years would not be the same.

For one, I'm quite sure I would not have gone to college. The job I was forced to seek out got me out of the house and allowed me to be more comfortable around people. Back then, I was such a timid shadow of the person I am today. I gained confidence in my abilities by learning this new job. This reawakened my love of learning--I remembered that I love school!  The possibility of college entered my mind. As my confidence increased I worked up the courage to take a chance and enroll in "Intro to PC," my first college class. 

Because I found the courage to go to college, I discovered my fascination with technology. Who knows if I would even know how to use a computer if I had my "perfect life?" I love working with computers; I continue to learn as I go and have never been afraid to try the next new technology. 

After I had been at my job for about 6 years, I felt led to apply for another job. It was almost a year later that I got that new job. Here I was around technology more and more, and as communication in the workplace evolved from memos on paper to emails, I adapted to the changes. Because of this job, I now had access to email in the nineties, about the time when it was becoming a new way to communicate. The internet was a new, exciting thing and I was eager to learn about it.

Finally, and most importantly, I might not be a Christian. It may sound like a stretch, but if I hadn't been forced to go out and get a job, I might never have had the courage to try a new church. It was only because my daughter wanted to go to a local church after she had a God encounter at a youth outreach they held. Even though I was raised in church, I never knew Jesus as my personal Savior. I gave my heart to Christ while going to this church that my daughter wanted to go to. 

My life began to change when I accepted Christ as my Savior at age 39.

So, though I was unhappy about it at the time, the adversity in my life that caused me to get a job outside the home in the first place was actually a good thing. It led me to college, which sparked a fire in me to learn more. This in turn caused me to get the job that led to my present job, which I believe is a gift from God. 

I can honestly say I am thankful to God for allowing the pain and need that caused me to seek out that job back in 1988. I so desperately did not want to stop being a stay at home mom; I felt like I was deserting my children at the time. Now I see it was all part of God's plan for my life.

As I was reflecting on all the pain and struggles I have been through, I remembered a story I heard. It is said that if the caterpillar has help getting out of the cocoon, it doesn't form properly into a butterfly and will soon die. It's the struggle of getting out of the cocoon that causes it to become what it is meant to be.

My struggles over the years have been painful, and sometimes I just wanted to give up. Literally. In other posts I have shared about my battle with depression, and how I was suicidal at one time. I wasted a lot of time and energy being unhappy about having to work outside the home because it was not what I had wanted. 

It was all part of God's plan, though.

These days, I am so very grateful for God's intervention and guidance. He has guided me every step of the way and I have not one doubt that I am exactly where I was supposed to be all along. I am actually glad that I had to work, because I believe it was part of what God used to help make me who I am today. 

Put your life in God's hands and trust Him to lead you in the ways you should go. He always knows what we need, even if it's not what we think we want at first. 

He always knows best.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5,6 NLT

When Worry and Anxiety Come

"Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?" Luke 12:24-26 New Living Translation (NLT)

Just days after my last post, Hurricane Harvey slammed into the coast of Texas. For about a week previously I had been watching the weather closer than I normally would, for you see, I have family in Houston. Very close, very dear family; my youngest son and his wife live there. Sure, they are no longer children, of course, but as any mother will tell you, your babies are always your babies, no matter how old they are, no matter that they have been grown and on their own for many years.

When it became clear that Harvey was indeed heading for Houston, I hit my knees, and enlisted my brothers and sisters in Christ to agree with me in prayer. We prayed protection over not only my family but the entire area.

Thursday evening, I texted them to see how they were. I asked if they were evacuating, and they said no, they were on high ground and had supplies.

Friday the hurricane made landfall, southwest of them in Corpus Christi. I checked in on them that evening and was told it was raining a little, "really more drizzly than anything." They had gone for a walk. Life was still fairly normal. They were prepared to evacuate if it became mandatory, but were optimistic that they could ride it out.

At this time, we didn't know that the hurricane would stall out and sit over them for days, dumping tons of water and flooding many areas of the city.

For 5 or 6 days, I texted my son and daughter-in-law about twice a day. Each time, they were fine. Even though it rained, and rained, and rained. By Sunday evening, it was still raining there but my family was still high and dry. I had been praying all along and giving them to God, but I was still nervous and worried about them. I was doing my best to trust Him, but it was so hard.

Then it all changed. A peace settled over me as was praying that evening. It began to sink in what was going on: God had directed them to the exact area of the city to live in when they first moved there several years ago. He knew this was coming, but He took care of them. 

This is one of the times I can honestly say I experienced what Paul talks about when he said:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7. NASB

I like the way the New American Standard phrases this passage; "Peace that passes all comprehension will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus..." We can't even comprehend it; we can't get our minds around how He can do that, but He does.

That's exactly what happened. God's peace just enveloped me; it settled over me like a warm blanket on a cold day. Even though I was still praying and still checked in on them, I was not worried anymore. It continued to rain until about Wednesday, but I remained calm.

I know many people were flooded out of their homes; some lost everything. My heart goes out to them. I do not begin to understand why some were flooded and some were not; I just know that God spared my family. They stayed above the flood waters the entire time and even kept electricity. I do not believe it was by chance.

I believe my God heard and answered our prayers, and I wanted to testify to His goodness and mercy. 

"Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever. Amen." Philippians 4:20 NASB

Recalculating

Recently, I was using GPS to help me find the airport when one of my sons flew in for Christmas. I had received advice from someone in the area to get off the interstate at a certain exit, but the GPS had other ideas. As soon as I passed the exit the GPS had told me to use, he said, "recalculating..." then gave me the updated instructions for which exit to use. Three times I passed the exit I was instructed to use, and three times I heard him say "recalculating," ever so politely, in a beautiful British accent.

Hey, you set your Siri the way you want. Mine is a British guy.

I laughed about it at the time, but it got me to thinking; doesn't God do that for us? He has a plan for each one of us, but sometimes we either don't ask His direction or we ask Him but then veer off the path He put us on and go our own way. We get ourselves into a mess, way off track from where we meant to be. Finally, we admit we messed up and go to Him for help. He gives us direction, possibly recalculated from what He told us earlier, depending on how far off course we have gone.

In my case, I had planned to go to college but fell in love in my senior year of high school. Since I had always seen myself as a mother, and even wrote in my journal that I wanted to have three children, I did what a lot of eighteen-year-old girls did back in the seventies:  I got married, intending it to be for life, because I believed--and still do--that marriage is forever.

Life happens, though. I did have three children, as I had always hoped I would, and they have turned out to be wonderful people. They were the joy of my life when they were little and still are today. The marriage, however, did not turn out well.

None of this took God by surprise, of course. He knew all along the course my life would take and had already set His plan for me in motion when I found myself divorced at 42.

I can second guess my choices, the paths I took, whether I should have turned here or there, and I have--many times--but it doesn't really matter. It's in the past, and the best I can do now is listen for the voice of God for directions.  Recalculated directions. Because He still has a plan for me. He didn't toss me aside because I didn't follow His plan precisely.

Whether I messed up and missed my exit, or took an exit when I should have stayed on course, God is right there with me, whispering directions to get me where He has planned for me to go.

If you are feeling like you missed God's plan for your life, or if you never even asked Him what His plan is, there is still time. First, if you've never trusted Jesus as savior, please do that now. Admit that you can't save yourself and invite Him to be Lord of your life. Then ask Him to give you directions, and He will.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV