From the Porch: Reflections on Bearing Fruit

Those of you who have read my blog for a while may have noticed I hardly ever post "from the patio" anymore. It has become more difficult to beat the sun out there in my east-facing back yard, since in my retirement I hardly get up before 8:00 unless I have an appointment. That's the main reason, and we'll leave it at that. 

So I now have a comfortable, shady little nook by my west-facing front door that is so good, thanks to some chairs I acquired a few weeks ago. It's not really a porch, but we're going to call it that.

Ah, it's good to be back. I didn't realize how much I had missed being outside with the breeze, the birds singing, and the beauty of God's creation.

Recently, as I sat on the front porch in my new plastic chair, I noticed that the petunia in my tiny little garden area is struggling, yet it has managed to bloom anyway. Even though the heavy rains in early August nearly drowned it and the extreme heat that followed the rains threatened to burn it up, still it managed to bloom. 

This caused me to reflect for a moment. When it would appear outwardly that it had become useless and needed to be discarded, it still did what God created it to do: bloom. In doing so, it was providing nectar for bees and beauty for all to see and enjoy.

I meditated on this thought for a while, as I sat outside enjoying nature during my morning prayer and devotions for the first time in many weeks. 

I believe we humans are not entirely dissimilar to my poor little plant. We have storms in life that threaten to destroy us. Sometimes we undergo sickness and pain and we feel we will surely not survive the heat of the trials we are suffering through. Yet we "soldier on" as the British say. 

As long as we have food, water, and health, we remain alive, though age and years of abuse from various types of adversity render us into an older and less than stable-looking version of ourselves. We look in the mirror and scarcely recognize the older, more "mature" face that stares back at us.

Yet if we submit to the hand of the Master Gardener, our Lord Jesus, we can still produce fruit in our lives. Even if we don't think we appear as appealing on the outside as we once did, (this is very subjective, and we are usually more critical of ourselves than others are), we still can do what God has enables us to do, fulfilling our destiny as Christians.

This is the desire of my heart; to be fruitful and useful for all the days God gives me.

Just a few thoughts from the perspective of a retired, "mature" (in age, anyway) woman.

Be blessed, my friends.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; the one who remains in Me, and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5 NASB

From the Patio...Sort of...

Post from Facebook on Thursday, October 27. Posting on October 31 because I'm now starting to post long Facebook posts to my blog.

Long post ahead: grab some coffee.

What Really Matters

As I have mentioned on here before, I've been de-cluttering and minimizing the stuff I have been holding on to. One time it may be sorting through a box of pictures; another time it might be as simple as cleaning out my sock drawer. This past Saturday, though, the organizing project was one I had been putting off because I dreaded it, but I really felt like it was the day for it.

These were boxes of memorabilia from my life before the divorce, going all the way back to childhood; boxes I had tried to go through unsuccessfully about 5 years ago. I was in a precarious place emotionally back then, due to emotional baggage that I had never dealt with. I just wasn't healed enough yet. Some of my parents' stuff was in those boxes, and even though my mother had been gone 15 years and my dad almost 30 years at that time, I wasn't prepared to face it. I hastily packed it all back up and stashed in the back of the closet, far out of sight and hopefully, out of mind.

By doing this I pushed the pain down into a corner of my heart, so to speak. It was out of sight and mind, but it was affecting me much more than I realized. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I have learned from experience that raw emotions and hurts that are not brought to the Lord will eventually infect every part of the soul. Depression fueled by rejection, shame, and feelings of worthlessness was just beneath the surface all the time.

Thankfully, later  that year God miraculously set me free from that darkness and pain in my heart and I am forever changed. Still, I was a little hesitant to open those boxes, much less throw away or donate some of it. I knew it was time, though.

So I opened the closet and pulled those boxes out. There were the childhood memories, such as my Girl Scout sash and pins, various pictures and clippings from my childhood; and even some 45 records. There were mementos that represented my parents' lives. The items so painful to see that I had pushed them out of my sight for 5 years. Pathetic, I know, but this is what the enemy specializes in. Remember, he comes to "steal, kill, and destroy." He tried to destroy me but he was not successful, praise the Lord!

I'm not sure what I expected to feel upon seeing my mom and dad's treasured items again. One would probably expect to cry, or feel extreme sadness, but something very different happened. I felt joy. I felt relief. There was a release from the past and the hold it had over me. I was surprised but happy to finally be able to face the past; to hold in my hands mementos like a tiny American flag pin that my mother liked to wear on patriotic holidays. 

Looking through the boxes I found it difficult to believe that I had actually been afraid of this. It seemed silly to me that I would find it painful to see and hold these things again. I have now realized all these years later that I didn't lose my parents. I know where they are, and I know I will see them again one day. It was hard to accept back then, though, and I obsessed for way too long over the fact that I was the only survivor of my immediate family I grew up in. 

The rationale of the preceding paragraph is from the perspective of a delivered, free believer. Jesus has broken the chains I once dragged around. The reason I can see it so clearly now is because of the redeeming work that Christ has done in my heart. 

There is no way I could have ever untangled the mess that my life was in. One of the pictures I have attached is of several pieces of jewelry that were hopelessly knotted together. I tried for over half an hour to salvage the wooden cross necklace, the one piece in all that mess I really wanted to keep. Then it hit me that this was a perfect analogy of the cross. Only Jesus can set us free. When it's all said and done, only the cross of Christ matters. Because of the cross I am free!

I found it so ironic that same items that the Lord had given me the grace to box up in 1996 all by myself I was now going through again all by myself. It had caused me so much grief and pain for so many years. Just like He always does, though, He gave me the grace and ability to go through those boxes and throw away or put in the box to donate what I didn't need anymore. As a bonus (or maybe it was the whole reason all along?) I got a lesson in what really matters.

He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. 1 Peter 2:24 NLT

Just an Ordinary Moment

I've been having my morning coffee on the back porch as much as possible lately. Most days I am scurrying around, trying to get out the door to work on time and there's just not time. There would be if I got up earlier, but since I'm a night owl that's not likely to happen.

This morning, though, was a Saturday, so I spent some time praying and listening on the porch this morning.

It was cool out this morning, and a gentle breeze stirred the trees occasionally. It was refreshing, that breeze. I would have missed out on that if I had my time with the Lord inside on the couch, like I usually do.

I heard a buzzing sound, and looked over to see honeybees in the bush by the porch. They were not interested in me. They were doing what God created them to do, pollinating the plants. They were minding their own business. They had no plan to come and sting me at all, I'm sure of it.

But I moved to the chair on the other side of the porch, just in case.

I continued to listen and watch. Birds were singing and flying here and there. Little white cottonwood seeds from the neighbor's tree swirled around and around on the wind and finally floated down to the ground. Squirrels scampered in the trees. I looked up and saw the moon, still visible through a gap in the tree limbs above even though it was daylight. Five minutes later, I looked up again and it had moved farther west. I could barely see a bit of it behind the tree limb.

What's the point of all this? I asked myself the same thing at first, but then I realized a profound, simple truth.

I felt a breeze. I heard and then saw bees hard at work. I saw birds and heard their sweet songs. I watched the snow-like cottonwood seeds ride the breeze. I saw a glimpse, just for a moment, of the moon on its daily path.

I experienced these things because I stopped and took the time. Sure, they don't seem significant in themselves. They are normal, everyday occurrences. But God spoke to me in those daily, ordinary things that don't seem to matter.

I noticed nature this morning because I got still. He promised to never leave me, so I know He is with me always. He is always and forever right by my side. But....how many times has He had something to say to me, but I wouldn't be still and listen?

Lord, forgive me for being too busy. I am listening now.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 NIV

Fingernails on a Chalkboard

We've all been there. That person that gets on your nerves so badly. Every time you're thrown together with them, you just want to scream, or cry, or pull your hair out. Or pull their hair out. 

Which is, of course, frowned upon in most social settings. 

Yes. I'm going there, because the Lord is insisting on it. This may not be a very popular post, but it is one I have to do. The fact is, I have put off writing this one for a while now. It's not an easy one, but here goes.

How do you get along with a person if they are just unreasonable? Because, it's them, right?  Of course, it has to be!  It could not possibly be us. 

I can't tell you how many times in my life I have found myself in a social situation, such as work, church, or a volunteer group that included one person that totally rubbed me the wrong way. 

It's like everything they do or say is "fingernails on a chalkboard" to me, you know?  

A lot of this type of irritation happened early in my Christian walk, but it still happens from time to time. So what are we to do?  

It is my experience that sometimes the Lord allows us to be irritated or annoyed, maybe even mistreated some in order to mold us into the people He knows we can be. If we remove ourselves from all unpleasantness, we might just be hurting ourselves in the long run. I've found that you can run, but you can't hide. You may be able to remove yourself from this type of situation sometimes, but before you know it there is another one. Sometimes a worse one that the one you ran from.

Because, face it; the Lord knows what, or perhaps who, is needed to be "sandpaper" to us to help us become more like Him. 

It is also very possible that the person that is so offensive to us might just be hurting and in need of some kindness, even though they haven't been kind to us. Every time we react in love instead of hate we display Jesus to them. 

They may be very much in need of the love of Christ, just as we all are. Luke 6:31 says, "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you" (NASB).  

I've had to ask myself how I would want to be treated if I were the irritation to someone (because, I'm sure I have been before and may be again).

This is a challenge for me, but it is one that I am doing my best to embrace.

Never Disconnected

Wednesday night, I got into my car after church and put my phone in the empty cup holder.  Except it was not empty. In the dark, since my cup holder is beside the driver's seat, not closer to dashboard like in my previous car, I hadn't noticed that I had left a cup with the lid off and about two inches of Coke left in it. To add to the horror, I didn't realize it until I was about halfway home.

[insert facepalm here] Epic fail.

My phone did not survive the swim it took. So I got a lesson entitled Where NOT to Stash Your Phone While in the Car, together with its co-requisite, Why You Should Always Have Lids on Your Travel Mugs, and eventually I had to buy a new phone.

I spent approximately 24 hours without a phone.  Fifteen years ago, this would not have been a big deal. We all walked around phone-less all the time, oblivious to the fact that we did not have any way to reach anyone, and no one could reach us.  And we were happy.  We didn't know we were lacking anything.

But you know how it is now.  We are so used to having our technology at our fingertips.  We carry our phones with us everywhere, and some of us even have our tablets and computers with us most of the time. We love being connected. So, I came home and realized the harsh truth:  I am disconnected.  It's an eerie feeling, knowing you couldn't reach anyone if you needed to.

Fortunately, everything was fine; I made it through the night without a phone, and the next day, after learning the awful truth of my phone's demise from a repairman, I bought a phone.  I hadn't planned this purchase until this fall, but it's not the end of the world.

In my prayer time this morning, I reflected on the past week with all its ups and downs. I got a little down thinking about all of it. I wasn't upset at the loss of a material thing so much, but I felt stupid. So I had just spent a couple of days kicking myself for being so careless, and feeling like a total failure. I could have easily let myself be sucked in to the lies that the enemy was starting to whisper in my ear.  Stuff like:

"You're so stupid.  When will you ever learn?"

"Why did you take your phone out of your coat pocket? You should have left it there."

And my favorite:

"First you lost your W2, then the Roku remote, now you destroy an expensive piece of technology?  What's wrong with you?"

Yes, I'm still subject to his lies. Once in a while I find myself entertaining a thought that he put there, and I even fall back into beating myself up over dumb stuff I do. We all do this.  We are human, and vulnerable.

So I ran to my Father this morning, and talked it all out with Him. Then I came across this in my Bible reading:

"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'" Psalm 27:8 NLT. Then a few verses later, "Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path, for my enemies are waiting for me.  Do not let me fall into their hands.  For they accuse me of things I've never done; with every breath they threaten me with violence. Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living." Psalm 27:11-13 NLT

My Father in heaven wants to talk to me!  It says so right in His word.  He wants me to pour out my troubles to Him, and He listens with compassion and love. He is a good listener, and He can fix any situation.  I just have to trust Him, and run to Him when I mess up.

I may be disconnected from others sometimes, but I am never disconnected from Him.  Never.

Life's Lessons

My mom used to say that we learn something every day during our lives. I evidently took that to heart, because here I am, still in college.  I think she was talking about life lessons, though.  Those little nuggets of wisdom that come with age and experience.  I had one of those this past weekend.

Apparently, I need to stop posting facebook statuses about the weather. In the first place, I'm in the minority--I actually like winter. This is considered not cool by the summer-lovin' people I am surrounded by. In the second place, I can, at times, have a dry wit that not many people get. Truly, only a handful of people "get" me (and you know who you are).  So I made a sarcastic comment about the weather being too hot Saturday afternoon because it was warm enough in my car that I could have used the AC.  I didn't, mind you.  I just could have. Anyway, it started a string of comments that made me roll my eyes in disbelief.  I was being sarcastic.  Well, I was trying to.  It didn't go over well, and I finally deleted the whole post.  

Lesson learned: there is freedom of speech, but there are consequences that come with that freedom. We have to learn to weigh our need to be funny, or vent, or express ourselves against those consequences.  I realized that the image I had projected was not a positive one, even though I was trying to be funny. The scripture came to mind:

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8,9 (NLT)

So I need to stop and ask myself:  Is it good?  Is it necessary?  Will it cause friction or ill feelings if I mean it in jest but someone takes it seriously? I'm not saying I shouldn't joke about stuff.  In no way do I mean to imply that it was wrong to make a wisecrack.  I'm just saying, for me, that particular joke at that time wasn't prudent. 

In other news:  Homework.  That is what I have done all evening, not only tonight, but last night, and a lot of the weekend we just had.  This is my reason for being late on my blog posting this week.  I have deadlines to meet! It will all be over soon, though.  Only these 2 classes and then 2 classes this fall, then I graduate!  I'm closing in on a lifelong goal.

Now that's a positive note!  I think I'll end on that.