Come to Me

This will be a shorter blog than usual. I just have something on my heart I need to share.  I had something else in mind to blog about tonight, but felt led to post this instead.  Maybe someone needed to hear this, maybe I needed to hear it!  I don't know why, I just turned to a familiar scripture tonight:

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."  Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

Perhaps because the load has seemed particularly heavy lately I was in need of reassurance that someone cares about what I am going through.  Yes, He has invited me (and you) to bring all our worries and problems to Him and leave them with Him. This is easier said than done, though, and I find myself fretting over the same stuff this week that I did last week. I am getting better about coming to Him, but I still struggle with leaving everything with Him.  

So, even though I have talked to Him several times today, I talked to Him all the way home from church tonight.  I feel better.  Sometimes something as simple as a few minutes of "venting" is enough.  A couple of good things about venting to Jesus:  He's not going to tell anyone, and He can actually solve our problems!  Not that it's wrong to unload on your spouse or a good friend, but those are not always options.  

So, when's the last time you just told Him everything that's bugging you?  
What about now?  Give Him a chance to show Himself strong in your life.  What have you got to lose?    

Bless the Lord, O My Soul!

"I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart." Psalm 34:1 NLT

According to this scripture, we are to praise the Lord no matter what is going on in our lives. This is easier said than done, but I am making a concentrated effort to do it. The truth of the matter is, I don't feel like praising God right now. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying until the pain is all gone; until God finally heals my heart. But I am learning not to let my feelings control me. If I gave in to my feelings, I would never be free. The enemy of my soul, the devil, does not want me to be free, so he whispers lies to me; lies that sound like truth until they are compared with the Word of God. I cannot listen to his lies! I have to take authority over my feelings and speak the word of God. The truth according to God's word is that He is taking care of everything that concerns me. There are too many to count, but a few of them are:

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." Isaiah 43:1-3 NLT

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8 NKJV

"I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:9b-10 NIV.

I have these and many, many more in the Bible that tell me God is at work on my behalf. He is taking care of me; He is working everything out that concerns me. I don't need to worry, God's got this. So, I am choosing to praise God TONIGHT, even though I don't feel like it.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders.
 I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."   Psalm 9:1,2 NASB

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3 NLT

But perhaps the one that fits the best is Psalm 103:

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits;
 Who pardons all your iniquities,
 Who heals all your diseases;
 Who redeems your life from the pit,
 Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
 Who satisfies your years with good things,
 So that your youth is renewed like the eagle." Psalm 103:1-5 NASB

One of my favorite worship songs is right out of this Psalm. It has become my theme song. I'm going to sing it in spite of how I feel, because the Lord is worthy of my praise.

And while I'm singing and praising God, one of these days I'll realize my heart has been healed. Bless the Lord, O my soul!

The Falling Leaves

If you have read my blog before, you will notice that I changed my background. You see, we are getting into my favorite time of year, and I'm so anxious for cool weather, I decided to set the stage on the blog in eager anticipation.  I know, a lot of you like summer.  Well, it's no secret that I don't; in fact I can hardly stand summer. I don't like it above 70 degrees outside, and I hate to sweat.  So I mostly stay inside for the duration of the sweltering Arkansas heat.

If you have been reading a while, you know I have been in a dark time in my life, and most of the time, I have limited my posts to those that could edify or encourage those that come across my page. I'm not sure if this post will be encouraging or not; but I have decided to be real with you. I am starting to come out on the other side, seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel. I have not arrived, though. As Joyce Meyer says, "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" 

I have come a long way over the years, and this latest dark time is the most challenging one yet. So it was an especially big deal when, during the beautiful, cool Saturday that we just had, I was able to raise a window in each room while I was cleaning house and doing laundry.  The breeze blowing through the house was comforting to me; I think maybe it took me back to a simpler time in my life.  All I know is, I was suddenly aware of how good I have it. I am blessed, regardless of what my feelings tell me.  My feelings are crushed, my heart is still broken, but I have the joy of the Lord in my heart. And I CHOOSE to be happy, because I am truly a blessed woman. I am casting my cares on Jesus; they are falling off me like the falling leaves of autumn. I rejoice in His love and mercy. The season is about to change, and I welcome it, in the natural and in the spirit realm.  

“This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10 NLT

"Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:4,5 NLT

Knowing the One Who Knows

I read something tonight that totally resonates in my spirit: "Be satisfied to know the One who knows, even if you don't know." Joyce Meyer said that, and it is SO for me. As I have mentioned before, I have been in a deep, dark valley for the last few months. Many times I have asked God to reveal truth to me and to cause me to know the answer to a very puzzling and heart-breaking situation in my life right now. 

Silence. 

I have begged Him to enlighten me as to what--if anything--I have done to bring about this situation.

[insert crickets chirping here].

He simply will not tell me or show me anything. I have had answers to many other prayers lately, but for some reason He is remaining silent on this particular "need" (or is it a "want?"). At times, it has seemed like I couldn't bear the pain...and yet I have somehow managed to. Jesus has carried me through.

Morning after morning, I start my day with Him, bringing Him all my needs as He said to do. I then wait, for as long as I can before I have to go and get ready for work, to hear what He is saying to me. This time with Him has become my lifeblood. I can't live without it, without HIM. I have grown so much closer to my Lord, so dependent on Him for everything.

And then it came into focus what an amazing thing has happened to me in these recent months: I have learned that if I have an actual need, He will provide it. For instance, I asked Him for help with painting my bathroom. HE literally was the one to help me; He gave me the physical stamina and ability to do it myself. I have asked Him to grant me the ability to do several other things that have always been outside my comfort zone, and He has.

So, just now I was thinking about the fact that He hasn't answered the big question mark that is looming over my head lately, and I then I realized...I don't need to know. If I did, He would have told me already. He has chosen to keep me in the dark, and I have finally accepted it. I'm learning to "accept the things I cannot change," and to "change the things I can," and He is giving me "the wisdom to know the difference."

He asked me just before I started writing this if I trust Him. Do I trust Him to lead me in the dark valley of "not knowing?" I can't see where I'm going, but He can. I have to trust that if I needed to know, I would. Maybe I need to NOT know. Maybe it's an exercise in learning to trust Him even when His ways do not make sense, or seem fair. Perhaps it is His way of teaching me to hold His hand and walk close to Him, since He knows the way and I don't.

So my answer to His question, "do you trust Me?"

Yes I do.

The Void Within

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. Interlude ~ Psalm 62:5-8 (NLT) 

I have followed Jesus for almost 18 years, and yet I am still learning some very basic truths. For instance, I have found that though it is certainly helpful to creatures of habit like we humans to establish a routine, it is not in the mere repetition of coming before Him every morning that changes us. We could get up at 5 every morning and still not be any different if we have the wrong attitude. So, we must realize that it is in the attitude of the heart. 

Also, we must acknowledge that our needy soul, that cavernous emptiness inside us, can only be filled by God. As long as we try to get our needs filled by other mere humans like ourselves, we will always feel empty. We will never be satisfied, because God created that void in us especially for Himself. If there is a void in our hearts big enough for God, what makes us think we can fill it with people or things? This is really absurd when you think about it. It is only when we come to Him can we be filled. Only then are we truly ready to face the day.

People told me this over and over, and I thought I believed it. But it wasn't until He revealed it to me by His Spirit that I really saw my emptiness. In a particularly dark and painful time in my life recently, I came to Him with my broken heart. I had nowhere else to go; I had run out of options. He then removed the scales from my eyes and I not only saw my neediness, which years ago, in my fallen and sinful state had manifested itself as a need for affirmation, but the root of it all, which originated from rejection in my childhood. He has delivered me, not from being needy, but from feeling like I have to have a human being to fill that need. HE is now the first one I run to with all my joys and heartaches. Sure, I can still share with friends sometimes, but I'm not doing it out of a need to be affirmed but to simply share. It is so hard to explain the difference, but in my time with Him each day, He fills and equips me for whatever I need that day. He has become the "rock of my strength" and "my refuge."

So, take it from someone who knows. Family and friends are wonderful; God certainly put them in our lives to love and enjoy fellowship with. But never make the mistake of thinking that any person, no matter how much you love them or how good a friend, family member, or spouse they are that they will be able to fill the longings of your soul. They will never be able to do it. Only GOD can do that. 

And by the way, don't think of it as a punishment from God if you happen to be single and didn't really think you would be at this stage of your life. Instead, think of it as a treasure; a time for you and God alone. People used to tell me this all the time and I thought they just didn't understand. But HE has opened my eyes and my heart to it. What riches await you in your time with Him! I am only beginning to learn this, for I, too am single again at a time of my life when my children are grown and I had envisioned growing old with my husband. Cease striving--or "stop squirming" as we might tell a child who had trouble being still--and know that HE IS GOD. He has so much He wants to share with you. Come to Jesus and let Him fill your emptiness. He is the only one who can.

Leaning on Jesus

What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear? Leaning on the everlasting arms.
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarm;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

That song came to mind on my way home from church last Wednesday night.  The first and last verses are very relevant to my present circumstances.  I am in a battle right now.  Who isn't, right?  It seems this battle I'm in--we'll call it "Battle 1" has been going on forever.  Then there's "Battle 2," which has been going on for several months.  Suddenly this second battle is now raging in full force.  It is starting to look doubtful that this second battle will come out the way I had hoped. Today I started to give in to this fear after hearing some rumors that were unsettling. 

I remembered that in Psalms 138:8 it says "the Lord is perfecting that which concerns me," but I also know that He is shaking everything that can be shaken in my life. I prayed about it on the way to church. In the end, I told Him "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done in my life."  We had a really powerful worship time; the presence of God was so strong. So I know He is with me; I know He is in control of the situation. All this didn't sneak up on Him.  He knows what He is doing, and I think He just wants me to trust Him.

So on the way home I sang that song, over and over, as a declaration of faith. I am not going to dread or fear, because He will do what is best for me.  I have to trust Him.  He is my only hope. He alone can calm the storm in my life right now.  Actually, the storm continues to rage, but He has calmed me in the midst of it.  "You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3

When this battle is over, I don't know what will be left after all the shaking.  I know one thing that will remain; Jesus my Rock.  I will be clinging to Him with every fiber in my being.

In Memory of Mama

The following was a facebook note that I wrote in May 2009.  On this Mother's Day weekend, I felt it fitting to repost this in memory of my mom.
 

"Maw" with the kids in 1986

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12) On this Mother’s Day weekend, I would like to honor the memory of my mother. She died in February of 1996, but the impact that she had on my life and my kids’ lives continues. She was a Godly woman; a prayer warrior grounded in the Word. She was not perfect of course, though we tend to forget the bad the longer a person has been gone. She made mistakes, as all of us humans are prone to do, but the good things she put into our lives far outweighs the mistakes she made. She worked hard when I was growing up to help make ends meet; a working mom in an era where that was the exception and not the rule. She did not complain, but instead worked alongside my dad as the helpmate that God intended she be. She retired at 62 to be home and spend more time with my dad, whose health was not the best. Three years later, he suddenly died. She remarked to me once that though she took a smaller pension to retire at 62 instead of 65, she had no regrets because she got to spend time with the love of her life for those 3 years.

After she retired, she got to spend a lot more time with my kids. Sometimes when they were small life could get overwhelming for me. That’s when she would show up at my house to lend a hand or just to talk to me. From the time Jeff was born in 1982 until he started first grade in 1988, I was a stay at home mom—without a car of course. Did I need to take one to the doctor? Mama showed up at my house to take us. Did I want to do some PTA volunteering at Jeremy’s school ? Mama showed up to stay with Jennifer and Jeff and let me take her car. My mom was such a tremendous help and friend in those days. I’m sure she never took a love languages quiz, but I know what hers was. Her love language was gift-giving, with quality time as the secondary language. She lived to buy stuff for the kids, which of course she really couldn’t afford. I’m not talking stuff like iPODs and computers (which didn’t exist anyway). No, she totally spoiled my kids by buying them necessities of life, like clothes and shoes. We took lots of shopping trips which for several years included one in a stroller, and we always ended up at Wyatt's Cafeteria in the mall. When they got a little older, she and the kids started playing board games. I still have the Monopoly game that they just about wore out. She was delighted to have them come and stay the night with her. They would play games or watch movies and just have a great time.

This may sound a little random, but I’m typing as I remember. When I awoke this morning, it was just in my heart to write a tribute to my mom. Her love language was not physical touch or words of affirmation. I don’t remember her saying she loved me, but I know she did. However, she instilled in me what was important in life, taught me manners and rules of politeness by which to conduct myself, and guided me in how to relate to others. After I became an adult, she became my best friend. A greater or more trustworthy soul never existed. If you told my mother something and told her not to tell, she didn’t. She literally took those secrets to the grave with her. The most important legacy she left, though, was her love of Christ. She brought me up to love and honor God and read and obey His Word. She was a great lady, and I didn’t tell her that as much as I wish I had when she was living. So on this Mother’s Day weekend, here’s to my mother: I love you, Mama.