Psalm 25

Tonight, I feel like I should share my favorite Psalm.  God caused this Psalm to come alive to me during a particularly rough and painful time in my life several years ago.  Once He ignites a word in your heart like that, you are never the same.

Third Day's song "My Hope is You" is taken right out of this Psalm. The timing of the release of this song and the heartbreak in my life was amazing.  Only God could have done that.  We learned the song at church the very same week that God spoke to me through Psalm 25, in my favorite NIV Bible that I bought when I got saved in 1994.  This is why it is my favorite song. 

Interesting fact:  HOPE is the word that God gave me for 2011.

"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you  will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good.

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. 

They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land.
The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.
See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD,is in you.

Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles!" 

Psalm 25 (New International Version, ©2011)

Be blessed, my friends.

<3

The River

The river bed winds through the canyon, snaking its way around mountains and through valleys.  It goes along on its way to the sea, making its path wider as the rains come to fill the river to overflowing.  At least, this is the way of rivers typically. There's one difference in this river...it has gone dry. Not even a hint of moisture from days gone by trickles through this valley.  

This is where I find myself.  In the river bed, waiting for rain.  Daily asking God to pour out His Spirit--the water--and fill and refresh me once again.  And yet...nothing.  He has chosen to be silent. He has chosen, in His infinite wisdom, to leave me there, waiting.  

I realized something very basic about rivers as I started writing this.  It's so basic, so simple, it is downright embarrassing to admit that it just dawned on me, but I'm going to anyway.  The thing revealed to me about rivers...they are in the valley. Water, by nature, flows to the lowest point in the valley.  Gravity continues to pull it down, down, down, until it is at the bottom. 

A drought comes, and the water dries up.  And so, here I am, waiting in a dried-up river bed.  I know that God is up to something.  He has not brought me here to hurt me, even though I am hurting.  He promised in Jeremiah 29 "not to harm me but to give me a hope and a future."He has drawn me to Himself, and I believe He is creating a larger capacity within my heart for Him.

This may sound depressing, but there is hope.  God impressed that on me as the word of the year for me.  Hope.  There will be rain.  I believe that when He has refashioned my heart and enlarged my capacity to love, He will bring a flood, and this dry river bed will once again overflow its banks.

And so I sing His praises while I wait.  The more I hurt, the louder I will sing.  He deserves my praise and adoration.  I have embraced my desert, and I know He will once again bring the rain.  

Take the First Step

"...the LORD said to Joshua, 'Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses. Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant: ‘When you reach the edge of the Jordan’s waters, go and stand in the river.’” Joshua 3:7-8

This was in my Bible reading this morning.  It's the passage where God has instructed the children of Israel to cross the Jordan River and enter the Promised Land.  I've read it before, of course, but I noticed something today.  He told them to go and stand in the water.  

"Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stopped in the middle of the Jordan and stood on dry ground, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground." (verses15-17).

He did create a way for them, as He did for their fathers who came out of Eygpt across the Red Sea, but at the very first, He told the priests to take the ark and go stand in the water.  So when the priests took the ark of the covenant and started toward the river, nothing had changed.  They had to act in faith that the water would be stopped.

This spoke to me.  Sometimes I have a rough day, like today. It started out good, but by noon I had a headache and just generally felt unwell.  I could not gather any energy to do anything.  I felt depression start to creep in, like it does sometimes.  I tried to take a nap, thinking I was just tired, because I had awakened at 6:00 and couldn't go back to sleep.  I couldn't sleep.  I kept thinking of all the things I had to do, but had no strength to do.  Then this passage in Joshua came back to me, and I felt I had to make an effort to get up and do what I had to do.  It was hard at first, but I gained strength after I got started.  I was even able to go to Walmart and get what I needed.

No matter what obstacle is in front of us, it's no different than when those priests took the first steps into a raging river at flood stage.  God dried up the river so much that they crossed on dry ground.  He will do no less for us.

...and because I love you...

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze..."

Sunday at church, we sang a song taken from that scripture, and it continues to be on my mind.  I've been through a little of both in the last few years. At times, it felt like I was going to drown in the tears and sorrow of my circumstances.  Other times, it was so hot, I felt I would suffocate in the flames of the purifying fire that God was using to refine me. Through all of it, though, I survived.  I had God's promise in Isaiah that I would. 

I write this stuff down because I will start to lose sight of it in a few days, weeks, or months.  I have to be reminded of God's promises to me.  I need to be reminded that He has a plan and purpose for my life. 

I gather my courage when I read that He is with me always, like a doting daddy that is holding his little girl's hand as she wades through the stream.  He will not let go of me, but will always be there for me.

I gain strength when I read that He loves me, because, let's face it, we all want to know we are loved.  And just like we tell our loved ones that we love them, and we hope they will tell us--sometimes daily, if that's what it takes, because we are frail humans, and we forget--God tells us that He loves us....DAILY, in His word if we remember to go to His word every day.

And so, that's where I am tonight, one single child of God, needing to be reminded that I am loved in this season of Valentines and hearts and flowers. It has not been an easy season for me in the past few years, but God always gets me through it. 

"...since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..."

Isaiah 43:1-2, 4. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNRkopqjCms

I Will Always Have Hope

I had a hard time shaking off depression in the weeks following the holidays.  One Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago, I cried out to God for help, and He spoke in my regular Bible reading, which just happened to include Psalm 71 that day.  Here is a little of what He said in the chapter.  It was a rhema word (meaning it "jumped off the page," figuratively speaking):

“Be not far from me, O God. Come quickly, O my God to help me.  May my accusers perish in shame; May those who want to harm me be covered with scorn and disgrace.  But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more…though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.  You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.”  ~ Psalm 71:12-14, 20-21.

I underlined the part about hope because it was God speaking straight to my heart.  In the weeks and months ahead, anytime I am tempted to believe that it is hopeless I can read this entry and remember that I WILL ALWAYS HAVE HOPE. God has not deserted me; He is just refining me and pulling me closer to Him.

I am broken tonight, again, as I was on that day in early January; but I will always have HOPE.  Thank you Jesus!

Do You Trust Me?

That's what I heard the Lord say to me tonight, when I quit crying out to Him long enough to listen.  "Do you trust me?"  I had to admit, it was a good question.  So, what is trust?

According to Webster's Dictionary, to trust is "to place confidence in; to depend on."  It is also "to commit or place one's care or keeping."  It is "to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of; to believe."

So, do I trust Him?  That kind of hit me right between the eyes.  My immediate response would be "of course I do!"  But do I?  I have been sitting here asking Him for answers that I have already asked Him for.   I have been reminding Him of how miserable I feel tonight, and how He promised to fix it all.  I have been so impatient, wanting my problem solved; my needs met.

Do I trust Him?  I have trusted Him to be my Savior, but do I trust Him in the everyday drudgery that life gets to be at times?  There are things, hopes, promises that I have placed in His care, that I have "committed to His care or keeping" as the dictionary says.  Am I trusting Him, or am I trying to take them back because I don't see any progress?  

Tonight, I got a reality check; I realized that I was indeed trying to do just that.  There are certain valuable dreams, hopes and promises that He has shown me He is and will provide for, and that HE will work out in His own time, and yet I have been lamenting and crying over the state of things as I see them.  I have put Him in the same category with mere humans, who sometimes can be trusted, but sometimes can't.  We are frail; we are weak, and we slip, fall, mess up, disappoint friends, and basically fall short of our own expectations.  

But God is God.  He doesn't mess up.  EVER.  He knows the end from the beginning.  He has a perfect plan for my life, and He is working it out in His perfect timing. I entrusted all that I love and treasure, all my dreams, family, friends, and future into HIS hands.  I can't take it back now.  I'm the one that screwed it all up to start with. 

Do I trust God?  Yes, I do.  He's the only one that is completely trustworthy.

"Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:28

Change

Change is not something that comes easily for me.  It seems that just when things finally get like I like them, they change.  I then find myself re-adjusting to something new, finally accepting the change and settling in...only to find it is changing yet again.  

This has been the case with my life, especially in the last year or so. My life is constantly shifting and changing, and I find myself attempting to adjust and keep going, somewhat like a person trying to walk on a boat that is in rough water.  At times, I have been depressed about the constant change, and have found myself wishing I could just find somewhere solid where I could be assured nothing would change.  Now, don't get ahead of me here.  I know you can see where I'm going, but hang on a minute.  

I have tried to find solace in being busy, in church work, in friends, and in work.  I have even attempted to find solace in just zoning out and watching TV.  I have tried to crawl in a hole and pull it in after me, but to no avail--I keep having to go to work and function there.  The pain inside has continued to grow, and I have been on the verge of tears constantly for months now.  I never cry, but the tears are there, just under the surface.

Just when I thought I could not take it anymore, I was reminded a few days ago by the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit to come to Jesus and let Him be my solid place.  He alone is the unchanging, unmoving person in my life that is NEVER. GOING. ANYWHERE.  He promised He would never leave me nor forsake me.  I knew that, but I had somehow lost sight of it.  

I can't depend on friends or family to always be there.  This has been a major source of pain lately, but they are just doing what people do. They are changing, growing, moving forward.  It's not that they don't love me; they do.  It's not them; it's me. I have just lost sight of my Source, my Refuge, and my Provider.  I have tried to find my worth in people, and it's not there.  It has never been there, and it never will be.  My life, my worth, my value is in HIM.  It is in Jesus Christ.  If I try to find it somewhere else, I will end up disappointed and feeling abandoned.

So this is where I'm at tonight.  Throwing myself at the feet of Jesus--again--and asking Him to be my Rock and my Refuge.  He has been there all along, ever since I trusted in Him as my Savior in 1994.  This is true; but I have overlooked the fact that He is there; I have bought into the lies of satan that I am all alone in the world.  Listening to those lies can cause you to lose focus on what's real and secure.  Reading His word and standing on it is the only way to overcome those lies. 

So I'm asking Him to fill all those hollow, empty places in my heart that I have attempted to fill with everything but Him.  I'm holding on to Him so I don't get dizzy when life starts the merry-go-round of change again.  He is the one and only constant in my life.  The one and only.

No matter what changes in my life He will be there.  I have His word on it.