Hiding Behind a Mask

I went into the store yesterday, wearing a new face mask that a dear friend of mine made me. I had to go because I needed my blood pressure meds that I refill once a month. I didn't think of asking for a three month supply before all this COVID stuff started. I will definitely look into that.

I hadn't been inside this particular big box store since March 18 or so. I have been doing my shopping online, and getting pretty good at it. I noticed while I was there that a lot of people were wearing masks, which gave me some measure of relief. The experts say the masks generally don't protect the wearer unless they are the type they use in medical settings, but they protect others from us. Still, it makes me feel better to be wearing one, and they say it's better than not wearing one.

So, this is a fact of life now. I will be wearing a mask anytime I go out in public in the foreseeable future, and many of you will, too, I'm sure.

Even though hiding behind a mask gives me marginal protection, I will still do it. But there is one I hide behind who can give more than just a measure of protection: Jesus. To really be protected in the storms of life--and this is a storm if I ever saw one--we must hide in Him.

Psalm 91 is one of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible. It starts out:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. 
I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!"

I'm staying as close to Him as possible right now, because He is my hope. Farther down in verse 3 it says:

For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence.

I'd say we are dealing with a pestilence. Verses 5 & 6 give a promise:

You will not be afraid of the terror by night, or of the arrow that flies by day;
Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. 

Then in verse 9 it gets really good:

For you have made the Lord, my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, nor will any plague come near your tent.

Yet another place where it says no pestilence or plague will come near us! That's good news. I looked up the word pestilence and it's "a fatal or epidemic disease."

There are three places in just Psalm 91 alone that say God will protect His own from disease. There are other places in His word as well.

Maybe you think I'm being overly simplistic, but I don't care. I'm taking MY GOD at His Word. 

I'm not writing this because I'm not afraid and so I'm telling you to not fear. No, I have my moments of being afraid, I assure you.  I'm writing to remind you to seek God when you're afraid. I still have moments of fear, and when I do, I know where to go; I run straight to my Father and remind Him (even though He didn't forget) that because I put my trust in Him and I dwell in His shadow, He promised me this. 

Sometimes I read it out loud. It increases my faith to hear the word of God. 

We are all in this together, a safe distance apart, of course. But there is One you do not have to stay 6 feet from. In fact, I'd say get as close as you can to God. He is the only safe place.

The end of Psalm 91 says:


"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; 
I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.
He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With a long life I will satisfy him and let him see My salvation."

Peace and love to you all, my friends.



 






 

Uncharted Territory

Hi, it's me, checking in. Still trying to stay positive here in the midst of a pandemic. Still hanging on to a shred of normalcy by getting up and getting dressed in regular clothes (most days, anyway) so I don't schlep around in my pjs every day and not even remember what day it is.

Uncharted territory. I've heard that so many times over the last 3 weeks. We are definitely in it, though. Turns out, March 13 was the last day of on campus school. So bizarre. It's like we went to bed in a normal world one night and woke up in the Twilight Zone.

So, school as we have known it, in a classroom of a school building, is over for this school year. We got the word today from the governor. Because our cases of COVID-19 continue to rise in our state, we will finish out the year with AMI (alternative means of instruction). Mostly online, supplemented with some printed materials that families without internet can use to get school work done.

I totally support his decision. It's really the wise thing to do. Still...

Never in my life have we faced something like this. Teachers that I work with are devastated. This is not how they wanted the school year to wind up. It's not how any of us wanted it to end.

I'm the bookkeeper in the school where I work, so I will have some work to do to finish up the financial aspects of the school year. I will probably find out in the next few days how I'm going to go about that. It's tricky when we have to social distance.

I'm used to being there all summer with very few others in the building since I'm a year round employee, but not like this. Not when I feel vulnerable and scared I'll get the virus if I'm not in my little house.

Yeah, I'm still a little stressed. How could you not be, just a little?

Over the last three weeks (just 3 weeks? it seems like 3 months!) things have changed so drastically. Because people in my age group do not need to be in public unless really necessary, I have developed a system for adding groceries to my online shopping cart as I realize I need something. When it's full enough, then the fun of getting a pick up time slot begins. This is no easy task in itself; there are never enough, and the times are gone quickly.

I have learned so many new things in this short time. Life is not simple anymore; I feel sometimes like I'm trying to outsmart zombies (I hate zombie movies!!!) instead of avoiding a virus. There are so many things I took for granted, but now I have a new set of skills.

I do all my grocery shopping online now. I haven't been inside a store in over 2 weeks. 

I have developed a system now for unloading the groceries after I pick them up. 

I have learned to not touch my face until I have everything I have brought into the house put away.  Groceries, mail, packages from deliveries all have to be processed before being put away.

After I have handled "possibly contaminated" items, I have learned how to wash my hands really really well. 

I go around daily with disinfectant spray, wiping doorknobs, light switches, and other surfaces that might be contaminated with COVID-19.

I could go on, but no need. I'm sure you are doing the same things every day.

I wrote about fear in my last post. I tried to encourage others with scriptures to help overcome it. It's been a tough few weeks, though. I'm taking my own advice, standing on the Word of God and trusting Him. It's not easy, though.

Everywhere I turn, news is interrupting my peace. I finally had to limit the number of times that I check the news in a days' time because it was letting fear overcome me.

Even with the fear cropping up sometimes, I am grateful that I have the option to hide in my house to stay safe. There are some who cannot do that. So I have to say that I am so thankful to all those in the medical profession, who daily walk into their jobs and face this monster virus every day. These people, in my mind, are the new superheroes. I pray for all of them daily.

This is now our world. For how long, we don't know. But I wonder if things will ever be "normal" again. 

*Deep breath.*

So, I just wanted to encourage you to "keep on keeping on," and they used to say in a previous decade of my life, probably way back there in the twentieth century somewhere.

We WILL get through this. God is still on His throne, and none of this took Him by surprise. We need to do what we know to do to stay safe, but ultimately it's up to God. We have to trust Him to take care of us.

I'm trusting Him, and even though I have my moments of being scared, I know He is taking care of me.

Hang in there. Stay safe. Trust in God. Pray for those who are on the front lines of this battle, fighting against this invisible enemy.

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I trust him. 

For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease."

                                                                                    Psalm 91:1-3 

 


  

The New Normal

The last time I wrote, less than a week ago, it was still reasonably safe to go to the grocery store. Groups of 50 or less were allowed to meet, and all restaurants were still open.

Today, everyone is being urged to stay home, groups of 10 or less can gather, but even that is considered inadvisable. All restaurants are closed to dining in, but you can still order take-out. How much difference 5 days can make in this quickly changing, virus-avoiding world we find ourselves in.

Our new normal, for now anyway.

I watched my church service online this morning, as I'm sure many of you did. I enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would. I was concerned that it wouldn't feel like being at church, watching it on YouTube. However, I've been at home since my school office shut down Tuesday afternoon, so I found that it was nice to see people I know, even if I wasn't in the same room with them. 

This introvert apparently does enjoy some human interaction now and then and I kind of miss the small amount I have found I need.

I hadn't planned to write again until a week had passed, but everything is happening so fast. I have been thinking (I find I have lots of time to do that now) and reflecting on things that I would like to share.

I am thankful for some things, and I just can't keep it to myself.

First thing, I am SO THANKFUL for the internet! If this pandemic had occurred even 15 or 20 years ago, even though we had the internet then, the technology had not evolved enough to allow us to function as well as I'm finding we can. Today I attended church online, FaceTimed with grandkids, and chatted with people through texts and Facebook. Yes, the virus is still a threat, but thank GOD we have the technology we do today.

Second, I'm thankful for the kindness that my co-workers and friends have shown me. I was venting on Facebook this afternoon (I should never do that!) and lamenting that the grocery pick-up was next to impossible because the store was out of stock on so many items. Since I'm 65, making me technically in the high risk group (although I am one of the youngest of the senior group), several people offered to go to the store for me. I almost cried, it was so sweet! I am touched and encouraged for the kindness that people are displaying toward each other during this crisis. So I am thankful and so grateful to all those who reached out to me this afternoon. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, if some of you who offered to help me are reading this.

Finally, I am so thankful to God for His word. He is always looking out for us. He never leaves or forsakes those who have accepted Him as Savior, and He always makes a way to take care of us. 

He gives us this scripture in Philippians 4:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Philippians 4:6-8

There is always something to be thankful for. It's a dire situation, but the blessings are there, you just have to look for them. When you do, turn your eyes heavenward, and thank God!

We are all in this together. Stay safe, take this situation seriously, but remember to be thankful to God for taking care of you. 

We are going to be ok.

What to Do When You are Afraid

I've been absent for a while now. I hope there is still someone who wants to read this blog, because it's not going away. I just had to be silent for a while.

So a lot is going on in the world now. You can't turn on any TV without hearing "Corona Virus" or "COVID-19" within a few minutes. People are stockpiling everything. Everything. The store was out of toilet paper, dishwashing soap, butter, ground beef, and most of the eggs when I was in there a couple of days ago.

I've never seen anything like this in my life.

This is downright panic we are seeing here. People are grasping at what they feel like they will need, and getting a little extra just to be sure. What causes this kind of behavior? I'll tell you my opinion:

FEAR. 

People are fearful, because, no one really knows what is going to happen next. They want to be prepared for anything, so they are buying everything.

I'll admit, it's a little scary and unsettling. It's natural to be a little scared of the unknown. I've been afraid many times in the many years that I have been on my own. Experience has taught me: when I'm afraid, run to my Father. He alone has the answers to my problems; He alone can calm my fears by reminding me of His promises. I go to His Word and read some of those promises:

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3

I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22

Ok, I like the Psalms. I had a problem with fear when I first became single again, and I camped out there for a while. I recommend you read three chapters of Psalms a day if you have a problem with fear. It really helped me when I did that.

There are also scriptures dealing with fear in the New Testament. 

Perhaps the most well known one is: 

God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

There are the words of Jesus in John, telling us to not be fearful:

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled; or let it be fearful. John 14:27


These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. 

John 16:33

The bottom line is this: the answers are in the Bible. If you are afraid and trembling with uncertainty (no judgment here; I've done it) then go get your Bible and read it. Pray, of course, pour out your heart to God, and then read His word. That's where the answers are. 

I have too many scriptures on fear to include them all here. I plan to put one every night on my Facebook page over the next couple of weeks, so check back for more.

Take heart. This too shall pass. The main thing is, do you trust God? He is your hope and your answer. He will take care of you if you give Him your heart and turn to Him.

As David says in one of his Psalms:

Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by. Psalm 57:1

He is my refuge, my safe place. I trust in Him to get me through this troublesome time.

Be blessed, my friends. <3

Christmas Traditions

Christmas Traditions. There are plenty of them. 

Some people have big family gatherings every year; the one time a year everyone is together.

I've seen on social media where some families with young children decorate gingerbread houses together, or make Christmas cookies or candy together every year.

There are traditions of going to look at Christmas lights together, or riding a Christmas train with friends or family.

So many traditions.

I was reflecting on this yesterday when I was doing one of my own traditions: I go out to breakfast by myself at a local restaurant which serves breakfast. I sit there and go over my list and what I still have left to do before Christmas. I make a thorough list and then spend the day shopping and making preparations. Yesterday was an enjoyable day; I got a lot done.

Part of what I needed to do had to be done at home, and I had Christmas music playing on Pandora. Several times I heard a phrase indicating what Christmas meant to the singer. This started me thinking, and I decided I needed to write about it.

What DOES Christmas mean to me? I can list several things it is NOT:

It's not about presents and making sure you do everything on your to do list, even though that was technically what I was doing yesterday.

It's not Santa, Saint Nicklaus, or Father Christmas, either.

It's not even about family and being together, which some think it is according to some songs.

Here is what Christmas is. Jesus was born of a virgin in Bethlehem. God took on flesh and became one of us--Immanuel, which means "God with us"--to save us from our sins. In order to reconcile us and put us in a right relationship with God, Jesus had to be born human and live a sinless life so that He would be the perfect sacrifice for our sins. He died for us but rose again on the third day.

That's what Christmas is about. 

I'm not against presents, Santa, or family gatherings, but the focus for me has to be on the reason we have Christmas in the first place. 

The facts remain: 

No matter how hard we try to get everything done on the list, there's always something left undone. 

I'm not going to go into the origins of Santa. Not even going there.

And families don't always gather; I know that firsthand. I'm not even upset about it anymore; it's just the way it is in our culture today. Families live far apart more than ever before.

The one unchanging thing about Christmas is why we have it in the first place. The real Christmas is in my heart always, because Jesus is there.

I pray you come to know the true meaning of Christmas this year if you don't already. 

Merry Christmas!

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David,  to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Luke 2:4-7 NKJV

For Mammy

So, I guess it's grandparents' day today. I didn't know all of them. My dad's mother died five years before I was born, and his dad had been gone a long time before that, so I only know of those grandparents through the pictures I have of them and the stories I've been told.

My mother's mother was widowed when my mom was eighteen, so I never knew her husband, my grandpa.

So I want to focus on the one grandparent I knew for the first few years of my life: my maternal grandmother, known to all in our little family as "Mammy." She was a big part of my life until I was eleven.

Before I came along, everyone called her "Mama" or "Ma" I think. I was a late addition to our small, close-knit family. My mother's only sister had one daughter, who was eighteen when I was born.  My mom and dad had my brother three years after my aunt had my cousin, so he was nearly fifteen by the time I came on the scene.

Imagine how everyone's worlds were turned upside down in the neighborhood where my parents and my aunt and uncle lived. They were always very close, living across the street from each other before I was born and all through my childhood.

So, two sisters, each with a teenager, and then.....me.

Yeah, I'll bet things changed dramatically. LOL!

Among the changes was the name for the Grandma of the family. They say I insisted on calling her Mammy. I don't remember. (I was very young).

Anyway, my mom worked outside the home, a rarity in the fifties, so Mammy kept me while my mom and dad worked. I was very close to her; she practically raised me. She lived with my aunt, but every morning she would walk over to my house to stay with me.

Pictures, the very few I have of her, portray her as a sweet little old lady with long gray hair, always braided and put in a bun. Truth of the matter is, though, she was only sixty-four when I was born. I am now sixty-four, and I still don't admit I have gray hair, much less wear it in a bun all the time.

Our culture has changed, of course, and my life is vastly different than hers was. As a poor woman living and raising a family in the depression, she and my grandpa always had to work very hard to just survive.

Anyway, one of my earliest memories is sitting in her lap in the rocking chair in the living room as my mom backed out of the driveway to go to work. Cool, early mornings just about dawn sometimes remind me of that time when I was being held by my Mammy, and I was safe, comforted, and loved.

Once when I was about 8, my mom, dad, and I were on vacation, going camping on a lake in southern Missouri, and one evening while traveling there I saw a house that reminded me of my aunt's house, where Mammy lived. I remember being overcome with homesickness and crying because I missed my Mammy and wanted to go home. I don't remember for sure, but I think my parents found a pay phone and called her long distance so I could talk to her, because I was inconsolable.

Funny what sticks in your childhood memories, isn't it? I remember that it was about sunset that we passed that house that made me think of Mammy. To this day, sunsets while I'm traveling occasionally affect me in that way. I'm not overcome with homesickness, but I just feel a little sad with a longing to have my family around me if I'm not with any of them.

This was not meant to be sad, even though it kind of reads that way. I am not sad, nor am I depressed any longer. I smile when I think of the only grandparent I had. She had serious health issues and died one month before I turned twelve, but I will always cherish those years with her.

If you still have one or all of your grandparents, you are blessed. Tell them you love them.

Happy Grandparents Day to my Mammy in heaven. I love you. 

Walk by the Spirit

I've tried to write this testimony so many times, but I could never get the right words to explain it. I think this time I may have succeeded. It must be God's timing.

Many years ago, before I had placed my faith in Jesus as my Savior, I did not know my worth. I grew up in church but did not have a relationship with Jesus. I never even heard of the concept of having a relationship with Jesus until was in my late thirties.

Later, after I had placed my faith in Jesus, I was still very insecure. The challenges I faced as a divorcee with a teenage son in high school were plentiful. The enemy threw everything he could at me to discourage me and he was successful for a lot of years. A whole lot of years.

I didn't know it then, but after the divorce I thought I had lost my identity; I was no longer a wife, so that was not who I was. My mom and dad had passed away so I was no longer a daughter. My brother had passed away, so I was no longer a sister.  My older two children were in college and I perceived erroneously that they no longer needed me, so I had a somewhat emptier nest. Bless his heart, my youngest son bore the brunt of my depression and despair in those early, dark days. He was and still is a good listener and has wisdom beyond his years. I leaned on him a lot, even though looking back, I cringe thinking about what the whole situation did to him.

So I had my son, and a couple of friends who were wonderful, but they weren't supposed to bear the weight of my broken heart. That belonged to Jesus, but I didn't come to that realization for many years; many agonizing, painful years.

As I have mentioned on here before, my need for affirmation, along with the need to know my identity, caused my anguish and desolation to consume me.

I had to belong to someone, somewhere. I had to! Not even in a romantic setting; I just wanted to be part of a family. I tried to belong by taking matters in my own hands.  I left a good, Bible-believing church on a quest for "where I belonged."

All the time, I already belonged to Jesus, and my worth was in Him, but I had not been a Christian for very long, and the divorce derailed my discipleship somewhat. So I didn't know.

I wandered for two years looking for where I belonged. During this time, my friends that I had leaned on so much moved away from my area. Shortly after that, my youngest went away to college.

And the bottom fell out of my world.

In a odd twist of events, shortly before my son went off to college, I had landed in the church where I have now been a member for nearly 20 years. I was not home free, though. I knew I belonged in that church; God confirmed that to me when I walked in the door the first time. However, I still had the gnawing neediness that left me feeling empty and unwanted.

Oh man, it is so humiliating to admit all this! I wouldn't do it if I didn't KNOW I'm supposed to. Someone needs to hear this; to know there is hope for them. I know this is true. I have been stuck, unable to write for months because I didn't know how to say this. Ever balk at something God told you to do? You can't pick and choose what He tells you to do. Feeling stuck? Go back to the last thing He said. Do the thing He put in your heart and get unstuck.

So, here we are. Now I have to do this; it has to be said. It's a fire within me tonight.

So here goes.

I know in the early days of my divorced state I drove people crazy; I would hang around on the edges of groups of new friends I had made. I wanted to be wanted. I hoped and prayed for them to see me and talk to me. If they liked me, I would matter (I subconsciously told myself). I hoped they would invite me to go to lunch after church. I wanted to belong. I had to fill the cavernous emptiness in me.

I was trying to make something happen, instead of trusting God to let it happen --IF it was supposed to--in His timing. Someone very dear to me kept telling me to not force things, just "let it happen," but it was lost on me. I didn't get it.

This went on for way too long. I went to prayer meetings, I stood in lines to be prayed for, and I told all my problems to a few friends I had become close to. I did get some better, but it wasn't until I hit rock bottom about eight years ago that things really started to change.

I was already on anti-depressants, but serotonin levels in my brain are only one factor in the depression I was dealing with. I had serious, deep-seated issues that I had to deal with to be free.

A couple of things happened to help me to find deliverance. First, I went through a Divorce Care class. It was years after the divorce, but it brought a bunch of stuff to the surface that I never even knew was there.

Second, I got some professional counseling. I met on a regular basis with a married couple who were Christian counselors. They knew the right questions to ask me, and most importantly, they knew how to pray. We met, talked, and prayed together for several months. God used them to guide me to deliverance from the junk that had made me so needy and desperate. He used them to show me that I was already free; Jesus had set me free when He died for me on the cross. I came to realize I was sitting in a prison cell, so to speak, but the door was unlocked and the chains I was wearing were just hanging on my wrists, unfastened.

In time, I got up and the chains of depression, despair, and abandonment, as well as many others, dropped off because I was no longer bound. I walked out of that prison FREE, knowing that my worth is in Christ Jesus. I am His and He provides my every need.

It wasn't until that counseling that my eyes were opened to the fact that I was trying to make things happen that I felt like I needed. Just like my friend had been saying. In time I learned to listen to the Holy Spirit; to discern if I was wanting something He either knew wasn't needed or it was just not the right time.

If you struggling with knowing your worth or trying to belong, or any kind of bondage, take heart. If you have placed your faith in Jesus as your Savior, you are His. You belong to Him.  He loves you more than you can fathom.

He will lead you out of the darkness if you will just quiet yourself and listen to Him. Be blessed, my friend!

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 NASB