Life's Lessons

My mom used to say that we learn something every day during our lives. I evidently took that to heart, because here I am, still in college.  I think she was talking about life lessons, though.  Those little nuggets of wisdom that come with age and experience.  I had one of those this past weekend.

Apparently, I need to stop posting facebook statuses about the weather. In the first place, I'm in the minority--I actually like winter. This is considered not cool by the summer-lovin' people I am surrounded by. In the second place, I can, at times, have a dry wit that not many people get. Truly, only a handful of people "get" me (and you know who you are).  So I made a sarcastic comment about the weather being too hot Saturday afternoon because it was warm enough in my car that I could have used the AC.  I didn't, mind you.  I just could have. Anyway, it started a string of comments that made me roll my eyes in disbelief.  I was being sarcastic.  Well, I was trying to.  It didn't go over well, and I finally deleted the whole post.  

Lesson learned: there is freedom of speech, but there are consequences that come with that freedom. We have to learn to weigh our need to be funny, or vent, or express ourselves against those consequences.  I realized that the image I had projected was not a positive one, even though I was trying to be funny. The scripture came to mind:

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8,9 (NLT)

So I need to stop and ask myself:  Is it good?  Is it necessary?  Will it cause friction or ill feelings if I mean it in jest but someone takes it seriously? I'm not saying I shouldn't joke about stuff.  In no way do I mean to imply that it was wrong to make a wisecrack.  I'm just saying, for me, that particular joke at that time wasn't prudent. 

In other news:  Homework.  That is what I have done all evening, not only tonight, but last night, and a lot of the weekend we just had.  This is my reason for being late on my blog posting this week.  I have deadlines to meet! It will all be over soon, though.  Only these 2 classes and then 2 classes this fall, then I graduate!  I'm closing in on a lifelong goal.

Now that's a positive note!  I think I'll end on that. 

Sadness

This past week was interesting. The new classes started, and they are going great. I think I'm really going to like my Chaucer class (yea, I know--but remember, I'm an English major nerd).

As I was leaving my first class on Monday, I got a phone call from a relative telling me that my nephew had passed away. Since my brother was almost 15 years older than I, his son was closer in age to me and more like a brother when we were growing up; only 5 years younger. He lost a battle with cancer at the age of 54. Too soon; too young. We hadn't been close in our adult lives. I hardly ever saw him; we had kind of lost track of each other. I always meant to get in touch with him, and I prayed for him when the Spirit put him on my heart. I was saddened to hear that I will never get the chance to chat with him, or catch up on family with him. He had trusted in Christ as his Savior, thank God, so someday I will see him again, just not on this earth.

I also heard of two other people from my past dying this past week. One earlier this week, from my childrens' grade school days, and one just today, from my high school graduating class.

It's never easy to let go of those family members or friends who have impacted our lives. This causes me to realize that I should re-evaluate my life and the people around me. I've made a list of some things I intend to do on a more regular basis.  I will do my best to:

...ask that friend or family member if they have accepted Christ.
...call that friend when I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit.
...do something kind for someone in my life.

...be nice, even when I don't feel like it.
...tell those close to me what they mean to me a lot more often.
...encourage my friends, family, and co-workers whenever I get the chance.

That's a short list, but it's a start. Folks, we aren't promised tomorrow. We need to make every second count.

Have a blessed week.

Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory. You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart. For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God.~~1 Peter 1:21-23 NLT

Holidays and Family Time

Here I am, posting less than 2 weeks after my last post.  I'm making progress!  I will get this regular posting under control.

It has been an eventful few weeks.  The weekend before Christmas, my daughter and family came and we had "Christmas" a little early so they could be back home for my granddaughter to have Christmas morning at home.  I totally get that; we did that when the kids were growing up, too.  We always had Christmas Eve at my parents' house and Christmas Day at home, but since my daughter and I live 3 1/2 hours apart that isn't feasible.  So the weekend before works.  At least we all get to be together.

Following my daughter's visit, Christmas Day my oldest son came in and stayed with me until the following Sunday. We had a great visit; Christmas dinner with the cousins, which turned into a fun game night complete with a session of "Just Dance," or something like it on X-Box and lots of catching up with everyone. Then he and I went back to my house for our traditional viewing of the Doctor Who Christmas Special later that evening. We also went to see "The Desolation of Smaug" during his time here.  Great movie.

Finally, this past week my youngest son came for a visit. He stayed with me part of the time and also drove upstate to see his sister and niece, whom he hadn't seen in over 2 years. We also had a great visit; lots of catching up as well as 2 movies at the theater; "Catching Fire," which was excellent, and "Frozen," which was surprisingly good.

Yes, we do a lot of movie watching, but that's what we enjoy.  Their childhood was filled with lots of movie watching, and we have some great memories of those times.

So, as I said before, it's been an eventful few weeks.  This last week was crazy; 9 degrees Monday, freezing rain and sleet Wednesday, and a snow day Thursday (which, ironically, I spent alone since my son was visiting his sister).  The week ended with my son coming back and spending a couple of days with me before going back home today.

Oh, and the temperature today was 70 I believe.  Quite a change from 9 degrees earlier in the week, though I don't really like warm weather, especially in the winter when it's supposed to be cold.

And now, for something completely different:  Classes start tomorrow!  I'm ready to get going on the next to last semester of my bachelor's degree.  The excitement generated by my upcoming college classes has helped take the sting out of the "empty nest" I always feel when my children have been here and gone again. A definite improvement.

God is healing my heart in the most incredible way.  He is amazing.  "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3 NASB.

Have a great week!

Fresh Starts and Resolutions

Wow.  I was shocked when I logged in to my blog and discovered that my last post was in October.  I really had no idea it had been that long.  It was a very busy fall, but that is ridiculous!  

I made one new year's resolution this year:  to blog regularly.  My goal is to blog weekly; we'll see how it goes.  I know that readers get tired of blogs that don't post on a regular basis and I don't blame them.  I follow several blogs myself, and it is annoying to me, too.

So, with that being said, here goes with the new year of 2014.  First, I will list the reasons I was ready for 2013 to end:

Quite frankly, 2013 was a hard year for me, and I welcome a new year with a fresh start.  In 2013, I had some health issues that caused a lot of pain, and I ended up undergoing two surgical procedures; one in November and one December 30.  Neither were major, but it doesn't feel minor when you are being wheeled into surgery.

I also struggled with other issues in my life, like overcoming perfectionism, balancing my college classes with the rest of my life, and missing my adult children.  I made progress in the first two.  The last one, well, it's an ongoing struggle, but I am starting to see some improvement.  Any of you readers have children that live more than a day's drive away?  If so, maybe you can relate.  I know that it is made worse by the fact that I am single, and when they come to visit, the vacuum left when they leave is therefore very noticeable.  

Those are the problems that make me glad for a fresh start.  But, as I said, I am doing better.  There is a lot to be thankful for, too:

Number one: the spells of sadness or depression after a child has visited is less than 24 hours now, where a few years ago it could go on for days, even weeks.  

Two:  I successfully took 15 college hours last year, and only have 12 to go! Two classes this spring, and two this fall, and I will GRADUATE.  Yes.  I will graduate with a B.A. in English in December of 2014! 

Three:  I have church family members that help fill the void in the absence of my biological family.  I am so, so thankful for them.  I love them like they were blood family.  God really does "set the lonely in families" as it says in Psalm 68:6.

All in all, it was a pretty good year.  I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have hope for 2014.  It is going to be a good year. I just know it is.

So, there you have it.  The good last year outweighs the bad.  I am a blessed woman, and I thank God for what He has done in my life.  And, ready or not 2014 is here.  So here we go!  It's off to a good start...I blogged as I had planned to.  

Have a great 2014! Happy New Year everyone!  

Peace

I have one area of concern tonight: peace. I have been lacking in the peace department of late. 

Lots of factors come into play here; the possibility of drastically rising rates for my healthcare insurance, the government shut down and the domino effects it is having, and the uncertainty that seems to be prevailing in my life right now. In short; I have a bunch of questions with no answers.

The bottom line is this: I have let the thief that comes to kill, steal, and destroy do just that. I let him have my peace. I handed it to him in a nice, neat package tied up with a bow.

Why did I do that? It's simple, really. I started focusing on the things I was afraid of. This is exactly what Peter did, when he started walking on the water toward Jesus.

"Then Peter called to him, 'Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.'

'Yes, come,' Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. 'Save me, Lord!' he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. 'You have so little faith,' Jesus said. 'Why did you doubt me?'" Matthew 14: 28-31 (NLT).

Jesus rescued Peter when he cried out to Him for help. He is doing the same for me. I just have to keep my eyes on Jesus, not my circumstances, or the BIG SCARY QUESTION MARKS IN MY LIFE.

I also have to remember Philippians 4:6,7: "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (NLT)

I'm just reminding myself tonight of something I had lost sight of.  Jesus is the answer.  Period.

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock." Isaiah 26:3,4 (NLT)

Awkward!

"Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"  2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

I've been divorced for sixteen years, and I've had many challenges to overcome as a single person. One that plagues many singles is eating out. Do you notice many people eating alone?  It's just not a common occurrence. No doubt the reason is the awkwardness that goes along with it. It's often easier to just go through a drive-through and get something to go, or just eat at home. The problem with that, though, is the single person often ends up feeling like they can't eat some places because of this. So they are left with three choices: find someone to go with them, go alone, or just go home. There isn't always someone to go with, though, so option 1 is really not a good one.  Option 2 is usually awkward, and option 3 can leave the single person feeling like a reject from society if they have issues with rejection or self-esteem. 

So what to do?  In our society, mealtime can be as much a social event as it is for one of nourishment. But that's another blog post, so let's just set that part of it aside for now and deal with the actual practice of eating out alone.  

Fortunately for me, I finally overcame this hurdle about 3 or 4 years ago.  I don't remember the exact date, but at one point I had a revelation: most people don't even notice me when I am sitting there alone.  I've come to the conclusion that as a whole, people are too self-absorbed to get outside themselves to make eye contact or act like they notice. I used to fear that people would stare at me, like I'm part of a side-show at a carnival.  That sounds extreme, but I used to be painfully shy and extremely self-conscious. That's how I used to feel when I found myself in a situation where I had to dine out alone. Oh the freedom I felt when I realized I do not care what anyone thinks about me! I now march into everywhere from fast food places to nice restaurants, all alone, and I do not feel awkward anymore.

Occasionally, though, there is a situation that comes up that challenges that freedom I feel. Today was one of those. I had been craving the hibachi fried rice of a local Japanese restaurant for weeks. If you like Japanese cuisine, cooked right in front of you on a hibachi grill you know what I'm talking about. There's just no substitute for it. Today, as I drove away from church to go eat lunch, I realized, as I drove through town looking for inspiration, that this was really what I wanted. So I went there. They seated me at the end chair of an empty table and I sat there alone. Of course I knew they would wait until some more came in to serve me, so I settled in and prepared to wait until the table, which seats 10, was filled up. I've done this several times and it's always been fine.  

I hadn't been there long when they seated, in the remaining 9 chairs, a family celebrating a birthday for a teenage girl.  So there I was, the only stranger in a family birthday party!  Awkward. For the first time in 3 years, I felt a little self-conscious, being the introvert that I am. However, this was a nice place that I love to go to. It's a rare and expensive treat for me, so I got over it quickly and still managed to enjoy my meal in spite of it.  

I wanted to be upset with the restaurant for doing that to me and to them, but I knew I couldn't blame the restaurant. I wondered at God's sense of humor about this, and I figured it was a test. I came home after a wonderful meal, full of fried rice and chicken and a to-go box of the leftovers (tomorrow's lunch!), and prayed about it. I asked Him, are you asking me to blog about this?  Many times He prompts me to blog about things I have had problems with but have gained victory over. I had wanted to blog about eating out singly before, but it just never felt right.  Today, though, I finally came to the conclusion that this is what He was asking me to do. There must be readers out there who would benefit from knowing that others struggle with this issue, but it's ok to eat alone, even in an awkward situation. 

The funny thing is, I think the birthday family was more uncomfortable than I was, because I think they felt bad for me because I was eating alone...sorta. Ha!  It became amusing after a little while, and I actually felt bad for them...but not for me! I know who I am in Christ, and I am comfortable dining out with or without company.

So if you struggle with feeling like you're on display, or violating some kind of social custom when you dine out alone, take heart!  There is freedom in knowing that you have every right to enjoy a meal all by yourself in a restaurant.  Chances are, no one will even notice.    

I Love School

I love school. This is really good, since I work in a school, and have for the last 18 years.  I think it's the prospect of learning something new that intrigues me.  I definitely have the right job.  It's what I was created to do. I also love being a student, though.

I love the first day of a new college class, getting a syllabus and finding out what we will be doing for the next 16 weeks. I love the sight and smell of new books, the uncharted territory waiting to be explored. I love school supplies; new notebooks, all clean and unspoiled, ready to be filled with knowledge from the notes I take.  I love finding that new pen that writes really well, too. I love learning; there is so much out there to learn.

I love school!  

I went to the college bookstore this afternoon after work to buy my books. I had waited until last night's class to make the decision between buying Kindle books or real books. I opted for the real books, so there I was in the bookstore, clutching my books like a first-grader, and I realized I had a few minutes to kill. Those who really know me know that this is not a good combination; time to kill in a business dedicated to books and school supplies. I browsed for about 30 minutes, admiring all the shiny new gadgets, books, notebooks, pens, pencils, planners, and jump drives.  It was a paradise.

Then I pulled myself together and reminded myself that I already had new notebooks, pens, pencils, folders, and a jump drive that will still hold a bunch of homework. I headed to the counter and paid for my books. Let the semester begin. I'm ready.

I have been a college student for a long time. I started back in the 90s when my eldest was still in middle school. I took office administration courses, where I discovered that I not only loved school, I absolutely loved computers. For the next few years I took one or two classes at a time, ambling on toward an associate degree in office administration. Then, 2 things happened:  life got really busy, with 3 kids who had reached the magical ages that transform moms into taxi drivers, and my health took a downward spiral.  I had 2 major surgeries within 10 months. School was on hold.

Many years passed.  One by one, the children grew up and went off to college. I went through a divorce and some severe economic distress. College seemed to be an elusive dream that would never be reached.  It was still in the back of my mind, but I considered it an impossible goal. I was convinced that even though I was insistent that my children get their educations, I was too dumb to be able to finish college.

I went back when my youngest was in college when I became aware I qualified for a Pell grant.  I stayed with it until I almost had the associate and I got discouraged and quit again.  It wasn't until around early in 2006 that I decided to finish the associate degree.  However, the office administration degree was no more. I was about 12-15 hours away from it, and it didn't exist anymore.

A good friend encouraged me to go back anyway, so I went back, determined to finish what I had started. Working with a college advisor, I found that I was fairly near to completing an associate of general studies, which was the best I could do without totally starting over on a different degree. So I set off to do that.

In the spring of 2007, I was in my last 2 classes to complete the associate and scheduled to graduate.  I was really excited to be completing a goal that I had been working on --off and on-- for over 15 years. However, something happened to me during that semester:  I discovered I wanted a bachelor's degree.  I had innocently remarked to a friend that I was glad to be getting the associate, but if I had gone to college when I was young, I would have gotten an English degree, because that was my lifelong dream. At that moment, I knew I was settling.  I knew I had to go on and chase that dream until I caught it.

So here I am, 4 classes after this semester from a B.A. in English.  It hasn't been easy, but I have learned so much. I have prayed every step of the way, because without God I would not have had the courage nor the ability. Not only have broadened my horizons and learned a wealth of information about the English language and Rhetoric (my minor), I have made another interesting, surprising discovery:  I am not too dumb to graduate from college after all.  I have gained confidence in myself and my abilities. I have relished the experience of it all.  I have stayed with it since 2006 without stopping.

I am going to have that long-awaited B.A. in English. I am in the home stretch; the goal is in sight!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 NKJV