Wow, May 5th. That was the last time I wrote. Time gets away these days. One day fades into another, and before you know it, it's been a month. Or two.
Here it is the third week of June, and The Virus still rages on. Working from home is the new norm for me. I'm so very thankful I have a job and I can work from home, but it just feels so....abnormal. Weird. Way out of the highly acclaimed comfort zone.
I still have not been back to church services, even though my church is meeting in two services to spread people out. For starters, to me it doesn't seem to be any better to be around people than it was at the start of this. Plus, I can't hug anyone. I can't sit with anyone (unless they want to take a chance on me not being infected, or I want to take a chance on them). I don't really see the point. I'm better off watching from home, which I do, faithfully.
I don't mean to sound cynical, but those are the facts as I see them. I'm certainly not suggesting that people shouldn't go church or do things out in society. I know some people really need to be with other people. We have the freedom to do as we see fit, and that's cool.
I've been staying busy, which is good I'm told. I work from home every weekday. I go into the office a couple of days a week for 3 or 4 hours at a time to print work I've done and saved, and to get documents signed to send to the administration office. I pick up more work that has accumulated to home to work on.
Then I come back home.
When I'm not working, I read, or watch a movie, or binge-watch TV shows on Netflix, or sometimes go for a walk. I need to go for more walks, but the motivation has not been there lately.
I have cleaned out all the closets and have a huge collection of stuff to donate to charity.
Oh, and a very important new activity: I do a weekly grocery pick up. I order my groceries online and go to the grocery pick up area, where the store associates come out and put the groceries in my trunk. Where has this been all my life?
Simple pleasures. It's the little things, isn't it?
I'm not depressed, but as a person who was depressed most of my life until a few years ago, I know the signs very well. I could fall back into it if I don't fight it.
Today I'm fighting it. Some days I don't feel like fighting it, but I still do. Maybe not as hard as on good days, but I still fight. Because I remember sitting in the dark room staring at...nothing. I remember the complete hopelessness. I remember the loneliness. I remember feeling like no one cared about me at all. I remember feeling like I was in a deep pit and there was no ladder or stairs that I could find.
I'm fighting it because I know that this is all an illusion.
All is NOT lost; it is NOT hopeless, and there are people in my life who love me.
The most important person who loves me is JESUS. He died for me (and for you!) so that we could spend eternity with Him. He loves us with an everlasting love, and His mercies are new every morning.
That's great news! Sometimes in the fight I lose sight of the prize, as it says in Philippians 3:13-- "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
So I go to Him every morning when I wake up and fall at His feet. I thank Him for keeping me alive yet another night and giving me another day to live. I tell Him all that is on my heart, and pray for a list of prayer requests that I bring to Him every day.
As long as He keeps waking me up every morning, I still have a mission on this earth. I still have a purpose, and I am still walking out His plan for my life. I may not be able to see into the future or know what He has planned for me from one day to the next, but HE knows, and that is all I need. HE has my name inscribed on the palm of His hand, as it says in Isaiah 49:16--
"Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me."
He also says in Psalm 55: 17-18--
"Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.
He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me."
He rescues me unharmed. Yes, there is a real battle going on in the spirit realm. The enemy of my soul would like to pull me into depression again, and render me useless for the Kingdom of God. But GOD is on my side and He is not going to let me lose.
I think it might be time to start on that book I'm planning to write.
Be blessed my friends. Thanks for reading my rant!
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