Scaredy Cat

My cat Isabel is a "scaredy cat."  She has severe anxiety, which I think was brought on in part by living across the street from the football field when she was very little. The year I adopted her was also the year that our football team decided firing a cannon was a good thing to do when we scored a touchdown.

Izzy wasn't a fan.

She is still afraid of loud noises; things like thunder, large trucks driving down the street, and dogs barking will send her scrambling to get under the bed. A few mornings ago, she was sitting in my lap purring until the dog two houses down decided to start barking.

First, the purring stopped. Then, she started the characteristic fidgeting like she does when she's nervous about something. I knew the next step would be that she would get up and go to her hiding place under the bed.

I reminded her that the dog was outside and she was inside the house where he couldn't get to her. She of course did not listen to me and soon got up and left as I figured she would.

I shook my head and muttered something along the lines of "why won't you believe me that you're safe?" Then it hit me.

We do the same thing.

God tells us in His word to not fear, but we still do. I have battled with anxiety my entire life. I am so much better, but I have weak moments sometimes.

Some nights I lie down in bed, get comfortable and start to drift off to sleep, and then I hear something. Many times I have gotten up out of bed, checked every room, and of course all is ok.

This is when I get into the Word and read the places I where I have found peace. Places in His word like in Psalms calm my heart and help me remember to trust Him:

"I lay down and slept;

I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.

I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people

who have set themselves against me round about."  Psalm 3:5,6.

These days, the environment of society in a pandemic lends itself to being fearful.

Sometimes I have to shut off the news and just believe God is taking care of me. I'm doing all I can do; I'm mostly staying home and wearing a mask when I have to go out. I do grocery pick up for the most part but if I absolutely have to go into a store, I do it early in the morning before it's packed.

Then, I have to Just. Trust. God.

There's a reassuring passage in Isaiah:

"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

Surely I will  uphold you with My righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10.

God is watching over me, I know He is. I have to be reminded of it from time to time, though; we all do if we're honest. I'm posting this because I DID need to be reminded, and chances are someone else did, too.

We are going to get through this by trusting in God, by taking Him at His word. There is a Bible full of promises of how He protects His children. We have to read and believe Him. He is our only hope. As the song says, "all my life You have been faithful, all my life You have been so so good..."

I choose to trust in the goodness of God.  Please join me in trusting Him.

Stay as safe as you can and leave this burden of fear in His hands. He is watching over His own. <3

Rescued Unharmed

Wow, May 5th. That was the last time I wrote. Time gets away these days. One day fades into another, and before you know it, it's been a month. Or two.

Here it is the third week of June, and The Virus still rages on. Working from home is the new norm for me. I'm so very thankful I have a job and I can work from home, but it just feels so....abnormal. Weird. Way out of the highly acclaimed comfort zone.

I still have not been back to church services, even though my church is meeting in two services to spread people out. For starters, to me it doesn't seem to be any better to be around people than it was at the start of this. Plus, I can't hug anyone. I can't sit with anyone (unless they want to take a chance on me not being infected, or I want to take a chance on them). I don't really see the point. I'm better off watching from home, which I do, faithfully.

I don't mean to sound cynical, but those are the facts as I see them. I'm certainly not suggesting that people shouldn't go church or do things out in society. I know some people really need to be with other people. We have the freedom to do as we see fit, and that's cool.

I've been staying busy, which is good I'm told. I work from home every weekday. I go into the office a couple of days a week for 3 or 4 hours at a time to print work I've done and saved, and to get documents signed to send to the administration office. I pick up more work that has accumulated to  home to work on.

Then I come back home.

When I'm not working, I read, or watch a movie, or binge-watch TV shows on Netflix, or sometimes go for a walk. I need to go for more walks, but the motivation has not been there lately.

I have cleaned out all the closets and have a huge collection of stuff to donate to charity.

Oh, and a very important new activity: I do a weekly grocery pick up. I order my groceries online and go to the grocery pick up area, where the store associates come out and put the groceries in my trunk. Where has this been all my life?

Simple pleasures. It's the little things, isn't it?

I'm not depressed, but as a person who was depressed most of my life until a few years ago, I know the signs very well. I could fall back into it if I don't fight it.

Today I'm fighting it. Some days I don't feel like fighting it, but I still do. Maybe not as hard as on good days, but I still fight. Because I remember sitting in the dark room staring at...nothing. I remember the complete hopelessness. I remember the loneliness. I remember feeling like no one cared about me at all. I remember feeling like I was in a deep pit and there was no ladder or stairs that I could find.

I'm fighting it because I know that this is all an illusion.

All is NOT lost; it is NOT hopeless, and there are people in my life who love me.

The most important person who loves me is JESUS. He died for me (and for you!) so that we could spend eternity with Him. He loves us with an everlasting love, and His mercies are new every morning.

That's great news! Sometimes in the fight I lose sight of the prize, as it says in Philippians 3:13-- "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

So I go to Him every morning when I wake up and fall at His feet. I thank Him for keeping me alive yet another night and giving me another day to live. I tell Him all that is on my heart, and pray for a list of prayer requests that I bring to Him every day.

As long as He keeps waking me up every morning, I still have a mission on this earth. I still have a purpose, and I am still walking out His plan for my life. I may not be able to see into the future or know what He has planned for me from one day to the next, but HE knows, and that is all I need. HE has my name inscribed on the palm of His hand, as it says in Isaiah 49:16--

"Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me."

He also says in Psalm 55: 17-18--

"Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.

He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me."

He rescues me unharmed. Yes, there is a real battle going on in the spirit realm. The enemy of my soul would like to pull me into depression again, and render me useless for the Kingdom of God. But GOD is on my side and He is not going to let me lose.

I think it might be time to start on that book I'm planning to write.

Be blessed my friends. Thanks for reading my rant!