Hold Me, Jesus

This is a blog post from back in 2009, three years ago.  I wrote this when I was still using facebook's notes feature to blog.  For some reason, I came across it tonight and I feel I need to share it.  While I'm in a different place than I was that night 3 years ago, I still cry out to Jesus to hold me on a regular basis. I don't think I'll ever be to the place where I don't need to be held. I'm not sure we are supposed to be totally self-sufficient.  We need God; He designed us that way.  And He wants us so much, much more than we need Him. I guess I'll never fully understand why He loves me, but I know He does. He told us "cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). I know He delights in me and longs for me to come to Him. 

April 2009--It's hard to put into words sometimes, even for me. I am a person of words; somewhat of a writer and yet words fail me tonight. Even if I could express it, of course I wouldn't post it for all the world to see. I wouldn't post even this, but I have come to know from experience that when these times come, God pours into me for me to share. I don't have the right to not share what He so generously gives to bind up my wounded heart. Believe me, I am a private person; I don't bare my heart like this unless I have been directed by the Holy Spirit. So I hesitantly let you have a peek into my pain in hopes that you will be encouraged to hold on to my savior Jesus. " The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18) Let Him hold you; let Him bind up your wounds. He loves you. 

The closest I can come to expressing the depth of what I feel was written in a song by one of the greatest songwriters who ever lived: Rich Mullins. He summed it up like this:

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace


Copyright 1993 - Edward Grant, Inc.
Words and music by Rich Mullins