Melancholy

     mel·an·chol·y /ˈmɛlənˌkɒli/ [mel-uhn-kol-ee] noun, plural-chol·ies, adjective  –noun 

         1.a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression.
         2.sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.

I'm not depressed anymore.  I am usually pretty level, and able to cope with whatever life throws me in a given day.  Ah, but just a few short years ago, that wasn't the case.  Days like today were the norm, not the exception.  A good day was a rarity instead of an everyday occurance.  Thank God, I am free from that!  He has broken the chains of depression. Still, I have days like today, and I have to look to God for help, just as David did. He wrote in Psalm 42:
 
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.
 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
 My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
 Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:1-3, 5

I've been sitting here, talking to God.  Maybe it's Him speaking to me, I don't know, but I sense that in those times when I just feel like I can't stand to be alone another minute, when I feel like I really need a friend, but none are available, could it be He wants me to come to Him?  Reaching way back to when I went through Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby, I seem to remember he said that we are born with a "God-shaped hole" inside our hearts.  I believe that.  I think that sometimes--not all the time, but sometimes--we run here and there, listening and talking to everyone but our Creator.  Then we can't understand why we feel so empty, so lonely.  We attempt to fill that void with everything and everyone....except the One it is designed for.

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:7-8.

I have to work at it, this going to God and asking Him to fill me.  My human nature wants to fill it with anything and everything, but I have to resist that temptation and remember that He loves me and wants a relationship with me.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
 My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

 Selah." Psalm 62:5-8