Imperfect Situations

I went outside this evening before dark and sat on the back steps.  I have lived in my house for 3 1/2 years and I still don't have the deck I want back there.  I decided to go outside anyway, without a beautiful deck and deck furniture to sit on.  In hindsight, I should have sat in the lawn chair, because getting up off the steps was painful!  But, I digress...

Imperfect situations.  Isn't that what has been plaguing me for years?  Waiting until I have the "perfect circumstances?" Waiting for it to warm up, cool off, quit raining, stop being so....whatever?

It's time I pushed through the imperfection that life is and just live. It will be one step at a time, as the Spirit leads, but moving forward at least.

With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I've discovered that I've been trying to "set the stage" like my life was a play. Wanting the right chair, the perfect table, a window to sit by in the kitchen for my devotional time (but the only one is over the sink, so that's not happening). Not having a real, consistent quiet time with God except sporadically for years, all because the "props" weren't right.

Yes, I just admitted that. I am not proud of it, and I have suffered much because of it. We are mostly hurting ourselves when we neglect our prayer life, as I have discovered the hard way. That's a little nugget of truth I will just throw out there for free.

Last year when I went through a major battle, I suddenly found a way to meet with God, perfect circumstances or not. Actually, I just got still; HE came to me.  Right where I was, in my recliner, as I sat and cried and poured out my heart, He met me at the very point of my need. That was a very painful, but very special time for me.  Soon I found that I had to have that time with Him, whether it was an hour on Saturday morning or merely 10 minutes before I got ready for work. It didn't seem to matter how long I was there; the point was, I was there.  Through that painful but special time, He became my very existence.  I had to have time with Him like I had to have air, water, and food. In the long run, what I found I didn't need was the approval of others. With His guidance, I slayed a huge giant that I had never been able to get around before: having to be accepted, needed, and valuable to others. It's nice to be accepted, needed, valuable, even loved, and I still enjoy it when it happens, but I don't need it like I have all my life until now. My worth is in Jesus.

So what's the problem?  It seems that perfectionism is the next giant in my path that has to fall.  I have such a list of things I "need," like

__a deck so I could comfortably sit outside
__better chairs for the deck
__a porch swing or glider for sitting on the front porch if I should choose to.

The unchecked off list, or at least, part of it. So many things are not as I would like them to be.  Yet one day fades into the next and I still don't have these things.  And life goes on.

I was recently reminded of a time a few years ago when I was so motivated to do some simple little projects around the house, but money was tight and I couldn't  really go and buy the things I thought I needed.  I prayed, and God said to work with what I have. I looked around and found I already had the ingredients  for the project. When I got the thing done with what I already had, the means to have what I thought I needed was provided eventually.

So here is where I find myself again. I don't know who needs this, but I had to blog about this. Maybe someone needs it; maybe I just needed to be obedient and share it.

This is my prayer:

"God, show me how to work with what you have already provided.  Reveal to me what is right in front of me, and show me how to proceed. Help me to slay the giant of perfectionism that looms in my path, because no matter how I try to veer away from him and go another way, I turn a corner and there he is.

Thank you, Father.  In Jesus' name,

Amen."

The Simple Things

Journal excerpt from this afternoon:

Apparently, I am only journaling in my Word document now.  I can’t recall even starting a handwritten one this year.  I have been so remiss in writing, but I am determined to do better, even if I only journal on the weekends.  Maybe it’s because I don’t write when life is clipping along pretty well, a bad habit I must break. 

I had an entire day yesterday to get a long list done, but I had no energy or motivation to do the things I knew I needed to do. In desperation, I finally went to God yesterday afternoon and asked Him to show me why I was seemingly unable to be as productive as I wanted to be.  It wasn’t because I felt bad physically; I am even over the sinus stuff I had a couple of weeks ago.  It wasn’t back pain, it wasn’t even emotional pain. Wow, no emotional distress; that's a big one for me. 

So what was it?  It was simply that I hadn’t done something I knew God had asked me to do.  It was a simple thing: turn off the TV sometimes and just have worship music on. It’s time to fill my house and my heart with praises to God.  I knew this, but sometimes the simple things we know to do, we still do not do.  I'm not saying it's wrong to have the TV on.  I'm saying that the Holy Spirit had been urging me for days to put some worship music on, and I just didn't do it.

There are plenty of distractions in today’s world. A lot of them aren't even bad, but they need to be in their place.  They don’t belong above God.  He deserves our praise and worship first; all the other things can be added in as there is time or inclination. I believe that this even includes asking Him for the strength to do the simple things we need to do. 

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."  Matt. 6:33 NLT

The Small Town Girl Goes to DC, part 2

So...As I said in my last post--two months ago!-- I flew into Reagan Airport in Washington, D.C. on November 18, the Sunday before Thanksgiving.  Small town girl or not, I still managed to get from the airport to the train station in plenty of time. It was a wonderful time.  I got to spend time with Jeff and Alli, Mary (Alli's mom) and I saw Breaking Dawn 2 in an imax theater, and we saw lots of historic sights.  We saw the home of James Monroe on Monday and toured Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello (pronounced Mon-te-CHel-o, as our tour guide was quick to point out) on Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday, we headed to Washington, D.C. after a fantastic breakfast at one of Charlottesville's local restaurants. It's only 2 hours away from there, so we were there in no time.

We stayed in a row house apartment in the beautiful Old Town section of Alexandria, Virginia, which is just across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C. I loved Alexandria!  So beautiful, and so much history.  We cooked  and ate our Thanksgiving dinner, then took the subway into DC to see some sites.  We saw the Mall area, including the WWII memorial, the Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial.  The reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial is break-taking at sunset, as you can see from the picture. We were going to see the Vietnam Memorial, but it got dark before we got a chance.  We did see some of the Korean Memorial before it got too dark to see--at little freaky in the dark until you realize that it consists of life size statues of soldiers. After this, we went to see Lincoln in the theater.  It was a very good movie.  And that concluded Thursday, Thanksgiving Day.  What a day!

Friday, we went to see Arlington National Cemetery and the changing of the guard, which is amazing.  That whole place is amazing. Wow.  After that, we hopped back on the subway (I loved the subway!) and went back to the Mall area of DC where we visited parts of the Smithsonian.  It would take a week to see it all, but Jeff and I went through one while Alli and Mary went through another.  The Smithsonian Museum of American History is such a cool place!  I wish I  could have seen some of the others, but there just was not enough time.

It was a wonderful adventure, this Thanksgiving trip to see my youngest son and his wife.  I will never forget it.  What a fantastic time we all had.  I came home thankful for my family, thankful for our wonderful nation and its rich history, and most of all thankful to God for all of it.  He not only created it all, He provided for me to go.

The Small Town Girl Goes to DC

The weekend before Thanksgiving had finally arrived, and I finished up packing on Saturday, then headed for Little Rock for my early Sunday morning flight. I had never spent the night in a motel by myself before--I know, I'm sheltered!--but I did ok. I couldn't find anything good on TV, so I found a movie on Netflix and watched it. Before I knew it, morning was there and I was on my way to the airport. 

I was checked in and waiting on my flight to board in record time. On the way to my gate, I found a Starbucks! I knew then it would be a good day. I spent the hour I had to wait reading, so the time passed quickly. I flew to Memphis, where I discovered that my connecting flight was boarding as I got there. I don't really like to cut it that close, but I did manage to get there before my zone was called, so it worked out. Finally! I was on my way to Washington, D.C.! It was a good flight. I read some more of my book I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron. She was a really great writer with a flair for humor. It was the perfect choice for a book to read on the plane. (Thanks Norma, for loaning it to me!). Funny is always a good idea when flying. It helps keep my mind off the things I tend to worry about when at cruising altitude.

It seemed like it took no time at all before we were coming into the D.C. area. I have included a picture of what I saw out the window. I had just enough time to get this before we were instructed to turn off electronic devices. We landed, I headed toward baggage claim, and thankfully was united with my luggage. Next I found my way to the information counter, where a very kind and helpful man gave me a map to the city's excellent subway system. It's an intricate and very organized color coded (my OCD loved this!) network of trains and stops that get you anywhere you want to go in Washington, D.C.

I was so impressed! I discovered that I had to get on the yellow line, ride to Gallery Place, and switch to a subway on the red line, which would take me to Union Station, where I had to get on an Amtrak train to Charlottesville, VA. This was an amazing experience, and this small town girl had a blast! I managed to navigate the subways without a hitch, and was soon at Union Station. I had to wait over 2 hours for my train, but I spent the time finding the right gate, eating lunch, and just generally taking in the whole experience. 

My train came, I boarded it, and I was finally all settled in for the 2 hour train ride to Charlottesville. The sun was setting as we left DC, and it was beautiful! I got a picture as we crossed the Potomac River. 

I really enjoyed the train ride. It was a great experience. I had never ridden a train before, and even though I had my book and intended to read, I kept getting distracted with all the sights we were passing. I arrived in Charlottesville about 7:30, and Jeff, Alli, and Alli's mom, Mary, were there to meet my train. 

More to follow in the next post as I tell about my fabulous trip to Virginia and Washington, D.C. on Thanksgiving break 2012. 

(to be continued...)

Resolutions and Writing

One of my resolutions for 2013 is to be more consistent in with my blogging.  I have tended to wait until I had something really good that I felt God had shown me, something that could be an encouragement to others and even myself when I needed it later.  I have written in a journal all my life.  I have always enjoyed writing everything down. There's something therapeutic for me about documenting events in my life, and it became more about my spiritual journey after I became a Christian in 1994.  

This year, though, I am taking Heartfelt in a different direction.  It will still be for journaling about the ups and downs of life in this journey God has taken me on since I gave my life to him 18 years ago. However, if I am to write more often, perhaps weekly, I might have to diversify. It's not that I'm writing for the sake of writing. It's more about disciplining myself.  Writing is just the way I am exercising that discipline.

So, the first of these posts will follow this one in a day or two.  In November of 2012, I traveled to Virginia to see my son and daughter-in-law, and we went to Washington D.C. to see some sights.  I had never been to the D.C. area.  It was quite the adventure, and I really am looking forward to writing about it.  There will even be pictures. 

See you soon!

Forecast for the New Year

"Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent, and they will receive an inheritance that lasts forever. They will not be disgraced in hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough." Psalm 37:18-19 NLT.

I sat up to see the new year of 2013 in, as I usually do.  As I sat here, a few minutes before midnight, I was praying and asking the Lord for protection and provision in the coming year. Times are uncertain, even scary these days.  None of us can be absolutely sure how the nation's economic situation will affect us personally.  As I was thinking about this, the Lord led me to Psalm 37.  It is jam-packed with promises for God's own; those who have put their trust in Him.  Most Christians are aware of the opening verses, that promise we need not "fret because of evildoers," but dig a little deeper and you will find many more promises.

"Trust in the Lord and do good.  Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.  Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires" it says in verses 3 and 4.  "The wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land." (verse 9). "The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." (verses 23-24).

Those are pretty good promises if you ask me.  If we really believe God and take Him at His word, we have no reason to fear.  There are promises all throughout His word that proclaim that He is our provider, protector, and Savior.  He will take care of those who put their faith and trust in Him. 

I'm looking forward to seeing what God will do in this new year.  People all around are worrying and wringing their hands, proclaiming doom and despair.  They might say I just don't understand how big a mess our economy is in.  My answer to them is, they don't understand how big my God is.

"The Lord rescues the godly; He is their fortress in times of trouble.  The Lord helps them,  rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in Him." Psalm 37:39-40. NLT.

Belatedly Thankful

My Thanksgiving week trip to Virginia has come and gone, and I still haven't settled down long enough to blog about it.  I can't justify doing any serious blogging until after finals, which are this week. I just wanted to take a minute to touch base and tell my readers--if any--that I haven't forgotten I have a blog.  I love writing, but I have been so very busy before and after the trip. I am about to do some serious studying this afternoon, and for the next couple of nights in preparation for the dreaded finals that are looming ahead of me. First, though, I want to list some things I am thankful for.

I am so thankful that I had safe and uneventful flights out there and back.  No missed flights or running through terminals like the family in Home Alone, just trying to make my connecting flights like I have in years past. If you've read my blog for a while, you'll remember the missed flight in the Atlanta airport in 2007.  Oh how silly I felt when I realized I had not set my watch ahead to eastern time, before the days of smart phones, which automatically update. Then there was the trip back from Williamsburg in 2010. I was so excited about connecting in Detroit, because I had never been to Michigan.  That is, until I realized I had only an hour layover, which, as anyone who flies much will tell you, is practically no layover at all.  By the time you deplane and get to the gate for your connecting flight--invariably at the other end of the terminal--your flight is boarding. I made it, barely, and even had time to stop and buy a spoon for my collection. Thank God for moving sidewalks.

I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my son and his wife.  Until this trip, I had not seen him since June 2011, and I hadn't seen her since the summer of 2010.  We skype regularly, but it's not the same. It was a blessing to spend an entire week with them.  We got caught up on each others' lives, saw lots of historical places, and quoted many of our favorite movies from over the years.  Everything reminds either Jeff or me of a quote from a movie, and off we go on a "quote-fest."  It's quite fun. 

Finally, I'm thankful for the rich history we have in this great country.  I am humbled by the monuments and memorials I visited.  I cherish the freedom that was bought for me by the sacrifices I saw represented there.  I do not take it lightly.

There will be a blog or two in a few days, when finals are over and I can breathe again.  For now, I am belatedly being thankful for the trip and all it represented.  Details will be coming soon!