Ironically FREE!

It's been exactly one year since I moved into my very own little house. I blogged about it then, how that I was sitting here exhausted from a day of moving, and realized that it was Halloween, and therefore my spiritual birthday.  I totally gave my heart over to Jesus on October 31, 1994, sixteen years ago today, and I have never looked back.  Considering that this is the date on which demonic forces are tolerated and even entertained by the general population, this is very ironic.  I even raised my kids to go trick-or-treating back in the day, before I discovered the truth, but in my defense they never dressed up like anything very dark or demonic.

He continues to bless me and provide for me, over and above what I could ask or imagine.  He has set me free from so much bondage!  He has brought me out of depression, a spirit of fear, suicidal thoughts, and complete lack of self-worth.  He continues to be at work in me, chipping away at the layers of damage from years of my being caught in satan's web of deceit. I am constantly realizing that I am walking out of something else that had me bound.  I have even noticed lately that I am not as uncomfortable around people I do not know well, which means He is delivering me from a life-long affliction of shyness.  This might not seem like a big deal, but trust me, coming from a person who used to get physically ill when forced to talk to strangers--it is!  It is a process, and Jesus is walking with me every step. Praise God!  Thank you Jesus, for saving me and delivering me from the wages of sin. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20,21).

Forget the Former Things

I am kind of a private person, and for a long time didn’t want to share so much online. Time is short, though, and I am convicted for my silence. I feel that I no longer have the right (if I ever did) to keep this encouragement from God to myself. If this helps one person, it’s worth it.

For a while now, I have been second-guessing myself and entertaining doubts about my divorce. Did I really try as hard as I should have to make the marriage work? I was beginning to believe that God was really disappointed in me and I would now never fulfill what He had planned for me. God had an intervention planned though; through the words of a Christian comedian.  As he talked about forgetting the past and pressing on, I was reminded of a scripture that had come to my attention 15 years ago.

You see, God spoke to me on Jan. 18, 1995 (it's marked in my old, worn, NIV Bible from the early days of my Christian walk) through Isaiah 43:18-19. I felt strongly that He wanted me to take note of that passage of the Word.  I worried and puzzled over that scripture for years, wondering what was His angle?  What was He trying to tell me?  Several times through the years it would come up again, and I never quite got it.  I didn't understand, and so I put it aside, so to speak.  I hadn't come across that in a long time, but He reminded me of that scripture tonight, so I looked it up....and it suddenly made perfect sense.

It starts out "forget the former things, do not dwell on the past..." HELLO! Yea, He knows me, doesn't He? Ok, so He has my attention. He knows I am prone to dwelling on my mistakes and failures. He wants me to look forward, though, not backward: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”   The scripture continues "I am making a way in the desert…” Yes, you could say that the divorced life is like a desert; a parched, dry heart, a cracked and broken life. You could even call it a wasteland:

1. land that is uncultivated or barren

…but even more accurate in my case is

2. an area that is devastated, as by flood, storm, or war.

Does that sound familiar?  It does to me.  I certainly can relate to the pain and devastation caused by divorce, that's for sure! God allowed me to go through that horrible ordeal as part of His plan. I don't understand completely, and I know He hates divorce, but He is taking what satan meant for evil in my life and using it for His glory. He has been with me every step of the way.

He goes on to say there will be “streams in the wasteland."   So….He is making a way, a path; He is formulating a plan in the middle of the dry, barren, hopeless looking situation left in the wake of divorce. Not only that, He is creating streams…which consist of water….and with the water comes LIFE. This means there will be growth and productivity in my life…and in yours…as we allow Him to work through us.

If you are struggling with a flood of negative emotions because of divorce, take heart! God is not through with you. If you are feeling like you have failed, like you will never be happy again, look up! Your Father is extending His hand to you. He has a plan for your life, and He wants to help you. He only wants the best for you, for He loves you very much. Give God a chance to take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it around for good in your life.

“I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13,14.

Yes, Lord, I will forget the former things!  I can't wait to see the new things you are doing.  I am pressing on....and I am no longer looking back.

<3

The Battle is the Lord's

I am reminded tonight of what David said to the Philistines before he killed Goliath: "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied...All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."  (I Samuel 17:45-47)

Are you facing a battle in your life?  Sometimes the circumstances in which we find ourselves loom like giants over us, and we get scared.  I know I do.  We forget that if we are in Christ we do not face anything alone, because He promised He would always be with us.  He said He would "never leave us nor forsake us."  We can be encouraged in knowing that we have this promise.

I went to the Word tonight for encouragement in a situation in my life, and I found it.  It was too good to keep to myself, though; I really felt like I should share it.  So be encouraged, my friend.  You are not alone. The battle is the Lord's!

I Am Undone

The first time I heard this on K-Love earlier this week, it resonated in my soul. I am drawn to God tonight through this song. I am not one to share the deep things in my heart on here much, but I sense the Spirit is leading me to share. Maybe someone can relate and be encouraged; I don't know. What I do know is that tonight I am totally undone, and... like the song says, I don't want to be alone tonight, but I have no choice. Ahh, but Jesus is here...He promised to never leave or forsake me. Thank you, Jesus, that when I am afraid, or lonely, or need a shoulder, You are here. Jesus, You are the "I AM..." and whatever we need, you are the fulfillment of that need. Without You, Jesus, I would not have the strength to go on. Thank you for salvation, Jesus, and for holding me tonight...

The Porch Swing

The house I grew up in, an older bungelow, had a large front porch that stretched across the entire front. On one end, there was a green porch swing and 2 or 3 of those sturdy metal lawn chairs.  When I was a child, we spent many summer evenings sitting on this front porch. I am not sure why we did this.  Perhaps it was that our house was not air-conditioned, as was the case with most homes in the 50s and 60s and we went out there to cool off after supper.  Maybe it was because my parents loved being outside. Whatever the reason they had for doing it, I did it because they did it.  My favorite seat, of course, was the swing.  Just like my dad, I couldn't sit in it without swinging.  Why else would one have a swing, except to swing in?

Fast forward to 2010.  I just bought a house a few months ago.  One of the things I really wanted was a front porch.  The house also needed to be in a quiet neighborhood where there wasn't a ton of traffic always driving by, creating noise pollution.  I wanted a lot of trees, too.  Well, the house I bought has all that.  I had looked for 4 or 5 months for a house, and had all but given up on finding a house with those specifications.  God knew right where it was, though, and He led me to it.  I love my little house.

Here we are in July, and I haven't sat on the porch a lot so far.  We had such a cold winter that went on forever, then *pow!* it was summer, and a very hot one. A few times, though, I have managed to find the time and the inclination to sit out there, like tonight.  I heard the frogs (hollerin' for rain) and the jarflies, otherwise known as locusts, from inside the house!  The sounds of a summer evening pulled me outside, and the cool breeze surprised me.  It was quite pleasant out there, and I found myself sitting there for about an hour. While I was there, I pondered the whys and wherefores of porch-sitting. 

We sat outside because it was cooler out there when I was a kid, but these days, it's much cooler inside. There are so many more things to entice me to stay indoors; TV is more compelling than in the mid-twentieth century, due to cable, dvrs, and dvds.  The computer is a big draw as well. There is homework to do.  Life has become so much more busy than I remember it being when my parents were the age I am now.  As I sat there, soaking in the sounds, the cool breeze, and the solitude, I noticed I could think clearly.  I could relax, and I know I am more apt to hear God's voice when I just sit like that.  Perhaps one of the reasons I got to have my front porch was so I could sit out there and communicate with my Father. 

Maybe I've been avoiding it because all the people I used to sit on the porch with are in heaven now.  My dad, mom, brother, grandma, and uncle are all gone on.  I wonder if they sometimes get to see me, sitting on my porch in the cool of the evening? If so, they are probably wondering why I haven't bought a swing yet.  I will take care of that very soon.  I will have my porch swing, a green one, to sit and swing in on cool evenings. How can I be so sure it's supposed to be green, you ask?  Isn't a swing the same in any color?

You have to understand; my Father God doesn't do anything halfway. When He says He will give me the desires of my heart, He means it.  He knows my heart better than I do, too, and He thought of everything.  This house is made to order; a product of the desires of my heart.

So, the shutters and the roof on my house are...you guessed it....green. 

Hot Water

The lawn needed to be mowed, so I started out early before it got too hot.  We are having an extremely hot and humid June this year.  It already feels like August.

AOG was also coming by to change out my meter.  As I mowed in the back yard, I saw them drive by.  I stopped mowing and went to tell them I was home but in the back yard.  They changed out the meter in 15 minutes or so, and I showed one of them where the gas appliances are.  My heater is electronic ignition, so all that had to be re-lit was the hot water tank.  He lit it and was on his way. 

Mowing without a mask caused me to sneeze quite a bit last night, but I thought it was going to be ok.  However, this morning I awoke feeling dizzy, more like vertigo, which I am quite sure is because of sinus pressure on the inner ear.  I was increasingly dizzy throughout the day.  By about 4:00, I decided I couldn't drive to Justin's party because of it.  I had also discovered that the hot water was no longer hot.  It was lukewarm.  I noticed this when I was getting water for cleaning.  I went and looked at the tank; yes, the pilot light was lit. 

At some point, I decided that maybe I had a gas leak; after all, the problems all started after they changed out my meter.  I finally called the gas company and they sent someone out.  He checked for leaks and there were none.  Then he reached down and turned on the hot water tank.  Apparently, the gas company worker yesterday forgot to turn it back on after he re-lit it. I have never had gas appliances before.  I've always lived in an all electric house or apartment.  So I knew nothin' 'bout turning on a gas water heater.  LOL!

So I should have hot water again by now.  The dizziness is apparently sinus related, because meds helped.

And so ends the last official day of vacation.

Hurry Up...and Wait

The flight out of Richmond  was about 15 minutes behind schedule, and my layover in Detroit was already only an hour, so I knew that I would have no time to spare in getting to my connecting flight.  Detroit was about an hour and a half away, so I settled in to enjoy the flight.  I read for a while and had a Coke and some peanuts when they offered it. I talked to the woman in the seat beside me...a major feat for me, because I'm not comfortable talking to strangers.  She was a nice lady, traveling to visit relatives with her 2 granddaughters. I read some more.  As we neared Detroit, I noticed out the window an expanse of blue.  It was water.  Better yet, it was one of the Great Lakes!  I have never seen such a large body of water other than the ocean. I could not see the other side.  I snapped pictures until we were told to turn off all electronic devices.  I was fascinated by seeing what I discovered later was Lake Erie. 

We landed in Detroit, and when we got off the plane, I looked at the status of my connecting flight on the monitor.  It was as far away from where I was as it could possibly be!  All the way to the end of another concourse.  I was at the far end of the one we were on.  I took off for the gate where my next flight was.  I walked as fast as I could on the moving walkways, and made pretty good time. I finally made it to the right concourse, and started looking for one of those newstand souvenir shops.  I spotted one, and the line didn't look too long.  I ran in there and quickly found a collector spoon for myself and a magnet for a friend, paid, and was on my way in less than 5 minutes.  I still made it to the gate before they started boarding...barely.  Of course, I was in zone 3 and they always start with zones 1 & 2.

The flight to Memphis was a little bumpy.  I have only experienced turbulence one other time, and I didn't like it then, either.  It didn't last the entire flight at least; probably about 30 minutes or so.  We landed in Memphis and I realized that I already had a 2 hour layover; adding back the hour I lost when I traveled east would add another one.  It was about 4:15, and I had to wait until 7:25 to fly to Fort Smith.  I decided that was ok; I was hungry, since I hadn't eaten since breakfast.  Also, I had homework I could submit on the online site.  I found a place to eat and settled in, finally in no hurry. The food was overpriced, but good.  I couldn't get online, though.  I decided it was probably the restaurant; I would try again when I left there.  I found a seat close to the gate and tried to get online again.  No luck.  There was only one network available that responded at all; and it wasn't free.  To use this network, I would have had to subscribe and pay a fee.  No way!  I was so put out.  The longest layover, and no internet!  What gives?

I ended up reading for an hour.  When we boarded, we were told there would be a delay because we were waiting on a mechanic.  This was a little disturbing.  We waited...and waited...and WAITED.  Finally, after 45 mintues, the captain announced that we were waiting on an airline mechanic that was needed in Fort Smith. After over an hour, he finally showed up and we took off about 8:30--an hour late.  By the time we left, the sun was down, but we caught up with the sunset because we were flying west.  I thought this was cool.  We also passed a large thunderstorm cloud a short distance away in which I saw lightening.  I was never able to catch it on camera, though.

We landed in Fort Smith about 9:15. Almost home.  More waiting...this time on luggage.  At last I had my luggage, my friend drove up out front, and I was homeward bound.  All in all, a very good vacation, even with the airport delays.  I am glad I got to go.