There and Back Again: A Mother's Journey to Arizona

It has been 4 weeks since my trip to Arizona, and I hadn't taken time to blog about it until today. When I arrived back home, I stepped off the plane into another dimension; the one where we enter the crazy, hectic, last two weeks of school where I work. It's certainly been life in the fast lane lately. Finally, I am getting around to writing about my trip.

And so my story begins....

Mother's Day morning at 4:15 am, I left for the airport to catch a 5:15 am flight to Dallas, where I would have a 2 hour layover and fly from there to Phoenix. Because there's a 2 hour time difference in Arizona, I would leave Dallas at 8:20 and arrive in Phoenix at 9:05. My son, his wife, and her mother and I would have all day to frolic in the Arizona sun and enjoy each other's company. That was the plan.

But that's not how it played out.

I arrived at the airport in plenty of time and got checked in.  By shortly after 4:30, I was sitting in the waiting area by the gate. We boarded the plane on schedule, even though there were thunderstorms in the area. We sat on that plane for about 45 minutes, then were told that our flight was delayed due to storms in the Dallas area.  After over an hour, we finally took off, but my connecting flight was supposed to be at 8:20, and I knew I would miss it.

They put me on another plane to Phoenix, and it was boarding when I landed.  I had to practically run to get there, since the Skylink was down due to lightning. I made it, and boarded that plane.

And we sat there an hour.

Eventually, the pilot announced that this flight had been cancelled.  We all had to deplane, and get in line to get yet another flight to Phoenix.  I stood in line for probably 45 minutes to an hour and was finally given another flight, but I was told it wasn't a boarding pass.  They told me I would have to go to the gate where this plane was departing and get a boarding pass. I encountered some very unhappy American Airlines personnel who proceeded to take their miserable attitudes out on anyone who dared to ask them anything.

By the time I found where my flight would board and get someone to make the effort to print me a boarding pass, it was mid-afternoon. My sweet little plan to arrive in Dallas about 6:30 am and have a leisurely breakfast during my 2 hour layover had totally fallen apart. I finally got something to eat about 3:00 or so. There was a Starbucks and a Wendy's in that part of the terminal, so I had myself a caramel macchiato and some chicken nuggets. Unorthodox combination, I know, but I had my heart set on Starbucks coffee for breakfast and by George, I was going to have it!  I knew I needed some protein, though, so that's why the chicken nuggets.


My flight was delayed a couple of times, but it finally took off about 6:15 pm.  I was finally headed for Phoenix, and landed about 6:45 pm Phoenix time.  At least I got a couple of hours of my miserable day back due to the time difference.

The graduation ceremony was the next day at 10 am. Pictured is my view from our seats. This ceremony was just for graduate students; those getting a Masters or Doctorate. My daughter-in-law received a Master of Arts in Music. I'm really proud of her; she has worked hard for this for the last 2 years. I'm so glad I was able to fly out there for this.

After the ceremony, we had lunch at a quaint little restaurant near the campus called The Normal Diner. Of course, with a name like that, you might know it would be anything but normal. The food was really good, and the fellowship was, too. My son, daughter-in-law, and her mother, along with a couple of Alli's friends that also graduated sat and visited for a couple of hours.  We had a great time.  

The picture to the right supports my claim that this eatery was anything but normal. It had a flair for pop culture that was quite charming. For instance, there was an entire wall of 8 track tapes. Yes, that's right. Eight tracks. If you don't know what those are, I'm really, really sorry. They were great.

Google it.  

You can get online and find out more about them. They were very popular in the 70s and they had a great sound. Sadly, they didn't really catch on. When cassettes finally came on the scene, they faded out.  

Alli had play rehearsal and her mother had to fly back home that night, so they didn't get to go the the Botanical Gardens with us. This was one of the activities we had planned to do on Sunday but didn't get to, thanks to my being stuck in Dallas all day.  *sigh*

Jeff and I spent a couple of hours touring the gardens.  There were more types of cacti than I ever knew existed. It was a neat place but SO HOT. I'm sure it seemed extra hot to me, since we had been having an unusually cool spring this year.  The day I flew there, it was a 65 degree, rainy day at home. It was in the 90s when we toured the gardens, though, so I felt like I was being roasted alive. 


But it's no secret I'm not a fan of hot weather, so I'm probably not the best judge of how hot it really was.

One of the neatest things was this sundial, pictured above. As you can see, it was 5:00 pm when we were there. This sundial was completely accurate, thanks to the fact that Arizona does not observe Daylight Savings time. 

We talked it over, and we decided this sundial is probably the reason they decided to stay with standard time. They wanted it to be accurate.  (Haha. Just kidding. Not about talking it over; we did that. We have no idea why Arizona doesn't observe Daylight Savings time, though.)

After we left the Botanical Gardens, Jeff, Alli, and I went to downtown Tempe to find a place to eat.  I saw something I hadn't seen before. I don't know what to call them, but they put out a mist of water to cool down the people walking on the sidewalks there. We were there at night, but it gets very hot in the daytime, as I had just experienced at the Botanical Gardens. I wish they had these there.

It was a great trip, even it it was short. I flew back home the next day after graduation. This time, the flights left as scheduled. I was back home Tuesday night about 10:30 pm. I am so blessed to be able to go and see my children.  It's tough sometimes, with them all living away from here, but I get to go some neat places to see them.

 

Because I Said So

"But why do I have to?" 

"Because I said so, that's why!"  

I know the parents reading this can relate to this. All of us, at one time or another, have uttered those words to our children.  

Kids question why we say to do what we do, just like we questioned our parents, and they questioned theirs.  

We do the same thing with God.  He prompts us to do something, and we want to know why. He directs us to not do something, or go somewhere, and we want to know why.  

I think when God directs our path, as we ask Him to, we question what He directs us to do or not do because it's human nature to question things. Sometimes He is protecting us from harm when the thing He gently guides us away from would be bad for us. Sometimes, though, it's a completely innocent thing that we want to do and He urges us not to do it.

And then we ask "Why?"

God doesn't exactly say "Because I said so," but he does say in Isaiah:

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord."For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB).

Recently I went against the still, small voice that was urging me to stay home instead of going somewhere.  

What I wanted to do wasn't bad; not at all.  It was a really good thing.  I just wasn't supposed to go.  I needed to stay home.

I may never know the reason I was hesitant to go where I did. This was my first clue, though: I was hesitant to go. Sometimes the Holy Spirit's leading is very subtle and quiet and comes in a mere uncertainty about the situation at hand. I know this from experience, but I need to be reminded at times.

There are times when His leading is very strong and I have no doubt at all if it is His voice or not. I know His voice when He is emphatically telling me yes or no about something.

This was not one of those times. This was more a learning experience; an exercise in listening to even the slightest urging of the Holy Spirit. 

In fact, it is very possible that He set me up so He could show me this. Or maybe He knew I was tired and He wanted me to stay in and rest.  It could be that God wanted to speak to me. I did have a slight word for a blog brewing in me just a little before I went. It's gone now, though. 

It's all good if I learn from it.  He has a plan and a purpose for each of us. I didn't "blow it" by ignoring the slight urging of the Spirit.  I just learn from it, and do better next time.

And write the blog He gave me about it, even if it is after midnight.

Good night, folks!  

Fingernails on a Chalkboard

We've all been there. That person that gets on your nerves so badly. Every time you're thrown together with them, you just want to scream, or cry, or pull your hair out. Or pull their hair out. 

Which is, of course, frowned upon in most social settings. 

Yes. I'm going there, because the Lord is insisting on it. This may not be a very popular post, but it is one I have to do. The fact is, I have put off writing this one for a while now. It's not an easy one, but here goes.

How do you get along with a person if they are just unreasonable? Because, it's them, right?  Of course, it has to be!  It could not possibly be us. 

I can't tell you how many times in my life I have found myself in a social situation, such as work, church, or a volunteer group that included one person that totally rubbed me the wrong way. 

It's like everything they do or say is "fingernails on a chalkboard" to me, you know?  

A lot of this type of irritation happened early in my Christian walk, but it still happens from time to time. So what are we to do?  

It is my experience that sometimes the Lord allows us to be irritated or annoyed, maybe even mistreated some in order to mold us into the people He knows we can be. If we remove ourselves from all unpleasantness, we might just be hurting ourselves in the long run. I've found that you can run, but you can't hide. You may be able to remove yourself from this type of situation sometimes, but before you know it there is another one. Sometimes a worse one that the one you ran from.

Because, face it; the Lord knows what, or perhaps who, is needed to be "sandpaper" to us to help us become more like Him. 

It is also very possible that the person that is so offensive to us might just be hurting and in need of some kindness, even though they haven't been kind to us. Every time we react in love instead of hate we display Jesus to them. 

They may be very much in need of the love of Christ, just as we all are. Luke 6:31 says, "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you" (NASB).  

I've had to ask myself how I would want to be treated if I were the irritation to someone (because, I'm sure I have been before and may be again).

This is a challenge for me, but it is one that I am doing my best to embrace.

No Longer Needy

One of the definitions that Merriam-Webster gives for neediness is:

"needy:  marked by want of affection, attention, or emotional support"
 <emotionallyneedy> — need·i·ness noun

Yes, that would be the one that described me. For many years, I was that needy person. I'm not proud of it, but part of what I do on this blog is tell about my struggles in the hope that someone will be helped or encouraged. Sometimes, it really helps to know you're not the only one. So here goes.

I'm not going to go in to the details of why I was so needy. Let's just say that seventeen years ago I found myself newly divorced. It was certainly not what I had wanted; I believed when I got married that marriage is forever. I still believe that God intends for it to be; it just didn't turn out that way for me. 

This new-found state of singleness was overwhelming and downright scary most of the time. I had always been a nervous, easily frightened person. There was no peace in my heart; it was always in turmoil. Suddenly, I was the responsible adult in the house with custody of my youngest child, who was 15 and a sophomore in high school. I was scared out of my mind.  

Adding to this, at this point in my life my worth was reflected in the eyes of my friends. There was no one else. My dad, mom, and brother were deceased. My two eldest children were in college a whole hour away (which seems like nothing now!) and the youngest was, as I said before, in high school. I had a cousin, kind of like an older sister to me, but there was really no other family. Many times I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone and so afraid. So the stage was set for the drama that my life was becoming.

In time, I found myself seeking the company of friends to fill the void in my heart. In my mind, at least subconsciously, if people included me in their lives I was loved and accepted. I desperately wanted to be accepted. 

I was a relatively new Christian, having given my heart to Jesus only about 3 years earlier. Even though I had been raised in church, it was all head knowledge. I had no concept of what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus; in fact, I did not recall when I was growing up ever hearing the phrase "personal relationship with Jesus Christ." So, I had no idea that I was already accepted and loved by Him.  

Thus began a journey toward emotional freedom that lasted for over fifteen years. 

I prayed, read the Bible, got in lots of prayer lines, and took every workshop or Bible study that came along in an attempt to be free of the pain I felt: the pain of rejection.  

God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, gave me some solid, Bible-believing, praying friends along the way that helped guide me forward in this quest for emotional freedom. Of course, I proceeded to drive them crazy with my neediness. Oh, dear Lord, I was a mess. At the time, I had no idea just how messed up I was. I just felt empty and rejected all the time.

The turning point came in 2003 during a Beth Moore Bible study called Breaking Free.  If you are struggling with emotional issues, I highly recommend it. It started the process of turning my life around. You can read the post where I tell about that by going to this post:

http://debbiev120.blogspot.com/2010/03/emotional-freedom.html

You may have to copy and paste the address into your browser to open it. 

I would love to tell you that I was completely free and no longer needy immediately after that course, but I wasn't. I did start making more progress after that Bible study, but it was several years before I woke up one day and realized my worth and value are in Christ and I am accepted by Him. 

It was years in the making (mostly because I was hard-headed and did not yield to God's leading) but He has filled me with such peace! I seldom feel lonely anymore; those times are brief and happen less often. I don't feel rejected anymore, either. That chain has been broken! Anytime I am even slightly tempted to give in to that, I remind the enemy that I am accepted and loved by Christ and quote scriptures until the feeling passes. For this reason, I kept scriptures taped up everywhere for a long time until they became a part of me.

Today, I am no longer the same person.  I am a new creation in Christ! I am complete in Him! 

At times the pain was intense, but with every battle I grew a little stronger and became a little freer. If you are going through a battle with feeling needy, take heart! God has set me free, and He will do the same for you. 

Not for a Select Audience

I just posted a day or so ago, so I'm sure readers are wondering why I'm posting again so soon.

I started this blog in 2009, and for a couple of years I just posted on the blogspot site without putting a link to it on Facebook. I guess I wanted to hide away safely, letting this blog sit there in the background, and trust God to lead people to it. It made me feel more secure, knowing I wasn't "out there" on the internet for anyone to read.

There was just one problem with that. There was no way of knowing if anyone was seeing it. I was convicted that I was "hiding my light under a bushel," as the children's song goes. So I dealt with that for a while.

The Lord continued to deal with me to make my writing more public. After all, He gave me a desire and ability to write for one primary reason: to be an encouragement to others who might be going through some of the same trials and battles I have been in during my life, especially after I became a Christian. 

But I was not sharing it nearly enough. Then I started a couple of years ago posting a link to each post to my Facebook page, and I felt better. 

I felt somewhat safe; after all, only my friends could see my Facebook page, and therefore, only my friends could find their way to my blog.  A few times I noticed it got shared, so that took it outside my friends' list, which was great. I am always blessed when someone shares one of my blog posts to their wall. However, for the most part, it was still only a select audience. 

Jesus didn't die for a select audience; He died for everyone. And then there's the Great Commission to "go into all the world" with the Gospel of Christ. Yeah, there's that. Hmm. What am I doing with that?  

So, lately I've been feeling the pangs of conviction again. Even though my spiritual gift is encouragement, I still am responsible to share the Gospel, too. Oh boy. I do have some work to do.

Therefore, there will be some changes on the blog in the next few days and weeks. I have to get the plan of salvation on here where it can easily been found, in addition to the encouragement I hope to bring in the blog posts.

Getting out of my comfort zone for sure. 

So, with fear and trembling, I am going forward with this. In addition to the improvements on the blog, I will now be posting it to my Twitter feed, which is set up to automatically post on my Facebook wall. Twitter, unlike Facebook, is completely public. This scares me, but as Joyce Meyer says, sometimes you have to "do it afraid."

And so I press on.

"I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness."  Psalm 40:10 NLT

In Defense of the Quiet

I woke up on my own this morning, which is a rare treat for me. Normally I am rudely awakened by a combination of an alarm clock and my cell phone alarm (it's hard for me to wake up). For work I have to get up about six in the morning, but this morning it was almost seven when I opened my eyes.  That doesn't seem like sleeping in to many of you night owls out there, and it really doesn't to me, either. In days gone by, this self-proclaimed night owl has been known to sleep until nine or ten, after being up until two in the morning.  However, as I have grown older, I have noticed it harder to sleep past seven or sometimes eight, and I have found it increasingly difficult to stay up for very long past the ten o'clock news.  I attribute this to the many years of having to get up at six for work. We'll just go with that and leave the joys of aging to another post.

Yesterday, the cold temperatures finally got the timing right and coincided with the arrival of precipitation in our area and the result was: SNOW! I am home today on a snow day, and enjoying it immensely. I love snow, as I have written on here before. However, that's not what this post is about. I am merely setting the stage for something that I observed this morning in the few minutes after I got up.

As I always do when I am home on a snow day, I went to the door and opened it to look out on my street and marvel at the beauty of the fresh snow. Why do we do this? The snow didn't melt or disappear during the night. It was still there, and I knew it was, but I opened the door and looked outside for a moment just the same.

I noticed it as I was about to close the door on the beauty of it, with its 25 degree temperature that caused me to shiver. The quiet. There was absolutely no sound. I opened the storm door to listen better. There was a hush in the air, a stillness that probably always comes when it is early, and cold, and people are not out and about yet. I just hadn't taken the time to notice before. I stood there for a minute more, just listening, straining to hear something. There were no sounds of cars driving by, even on the usually busier street a block away. There no sounds of children on the playground at the nearby school. There was not even the sound of a dog barking or a siren in the distance. It was just so SILENT.

As I shut the door, it occurred to me that all these sounds that are usually present because people are up getting their kids to school and going to work were not there because of the snow. The snow and ice on the streets had temporarily shut everything down. Many who did have to work were going later, when the snow had melted some.  

Most people are irritated at the inconvenience of snow and ice. It is considered a nuisance, breaking our routines and causing an interruption in our daily lives. I totally get that. As I said before, this post is not in defense of snow, per se. It is in defense of something else; a side-effect of the snow:

Being still.

This post is in defense of being quiet. "Be still and know that I am God," Psalm 46:10 says. I'm as guilty as the rest of rushing through my day and making sure all the important stuff gets done. However, I'm only shortchanging myself when I don't go to Him in the times when He allows something to slow me down. Strength and refreshing can come in those quiet times, when it seems that life is at a standstill.

Perhaps these inconveniences are in our lives at times so we will stop, just for a moment, and listen. Sometimes, in just a few minutes, the Lord can bring rest to our souls or healing to our hearts. Everything we need is found in Him.  

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul." 

Psalm 23:1-3 NIV

Love That Makes the World Go 'Round

Ah, romance.  Hearts, flowers, candy...this month is brimming over with all the mushy, gushy, "love that makes the world go 'round."  In fact, from a marketing standpoint, the Christmas decorations were still on half price when "pow!" Out came all the pink and red Valentine stuff.  

I have steadfastly avoided all the mush and goo for many years now, mostly because I was hurt, really really hurt in a very deep place in my heart.  The reminder that I was not in a loving, romantic relationship was just too much. I couldn't take it. So I asked God to heal me, and He has been doing just that--I'm a work in progress. In the meantime, though, while He works on me, the pain that is still remaining is buried, and I manage to forget most of the time that my heart was once broken and I feared it would never, ever be the same. 

Except during February.  During this month, the world will not let me forget. 

Valentine ads on TV scream, "You are a failure, you know. No one loves you." The card rack at the front of the store, an explosion of pink and red, whispers as I walk by, "There is no one special in your life that loves you."  Even Valentine banquets, couples' retreats, and marriage seminars, all very good things done with the very best of intentions remind me,"You are alone, so therefore, you are less valuable."

Can anyone relate?  I'm sure someone reading this is feeling alone and unloved and dreading the 14th of February, known to singles as "Single Awareness Day" because of what a good job that day does of pointing out to us just how single and alone--and therefore unloved--we are.

However, I don't feel that way anymore.  I am not unloved, and I am not less valuable, and I can prove it.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness" says my God in Jeremiah 31:3 NIV. 

So you are wrong, TV ads. I am not unloved.

The cards in the hearts and flower section may be saying "No one special in your life loves you," but God's Word says:

"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us," Romans 5:8 NIV.

God loved me so much He sent His Son Jesus to die for my sins. He went to great lengths to redeem me from my sinful state so He could have a relationship with me. So, I guess you are mistaken, Valentine cards.

If I listen to all the negative voices around me, I will be convinced that I am "unloved" and "less valuable." But if I turn to God when those voices start to get to me, I can be assured of God's love for me. In Psalm 66:19-20 it says, "God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, Who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me!" NIV.

I may live alone, and not be in an earthly relationship, but I am far from alone.  God loves me more than I could ever fathom, and He is with me 24/7, never leaving nor forsaking me. He will never stop loving me, no matter what I do. I didn't deserve His love in the first place, and yet He loves me.  

I was praying and asking God to show me how to approach this Valentine season.  During our praise team practice this week, while my heart was turned toward Him in worship, He showed me. I am to put all the energy I have spent hating and avoiding this season into loving Him. In other words, turn my focus outward, away from myself.

He will show me as we go along how to love Him back.  For starters I can:

Love my neighbor as I love myself.

Really pray for others. It took some time, but I have formed a habit of stopping and praying right then when I tell someone on Facebook that I will pray for them.

And most importantly, tell the world what He has done for all of humanity to save us because He loves us and wants a relationship with each one of us.

"For this is how God loved the world:  He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NLT

Because love is more than just feelings.  Love is also an action.