I had gone back though them 8 or 9 years ago in much the same way, when I typed them into Word documents. As I typed, I put in little notes like "I was very spiritually immature in those days" or "my focus was all wrong back then." Then I proceeded to impart, in the "editing notes," with all the wisdom and insight that hindsight gives to a person ten years in the future how much better I am today.
This made me chuckle. Of course I can see the folly of my ways 10 or 20 years later. Anyone can look at something they wrote eighteen years ago and feel superior to that foolish, immature, baby Christian.
This is one of the reasons I journal. I want to remember the good things in my life, and I am thankful for how far God has brought me, even though I cringe at some of the things I thought God was saying to me. I really do know more who I am in Christ these days than I did in 2001. However, the main reason I have to write it all down is so that I don't forget the miraculous things God has done for me.
This is how I encourage myself in the Lord. In the dark times, when I feel like I have nothing to say that is blog-worthy, I can read and remember the times that God provided an absolute miracle for me and be encouraged.
My heart is a little lighter when I am reminded that God touched me in my prayer closet once many years ago when my heart was consumed with grief over a devastating loss and He healed my broken heart on the spot. I was still hurting for a while, but I had hope and was able to function again after that very real and miraculous encounter.
It gives me the strength to keep going when I read that God was still faithful to provide for me even when I wasn't being a particularly good or wise steward of His blessings at the time. I can see that I struggled back then and got through it, so I know I will this time, too.
I read about the times my children, grandchildren, and very dear friends who have become family to me were together and I am thankful they are in my life. We may be far apart geographically, but in our hearts we are next door neighbors. I truly believe that distance doesn't have to effect deep relationships of the heart. We can choose to hold those dear to us in our hearts whether we see them daily or once a year. It's just like no time has passed when we do see each other again, because God has connected our hearts.
Reading tonight, I was reminded that in ten years I will most likely feel the same way about the journal entries I am writing this year as I did about the ones from a decade ago. I will snicker and roll my eyes and think "how spiritually immature I was!"
That's just the way it is, though. We are not staying the same; we who are in Christ are going from glory to glory:
Looking back through old writings every once in a while is beneficial to me because it reminds me of the wonderful things God has done for me. I might try to rationalize them all these years later and downplay their importance and validity, had I not written all about them in my journal.
Also, even though I read about some of my past and shudder at how silly and inexperienced I was in my Christian walk, it encourages me to know that I have grown up a little. God is at work in me, changing me and transforming me, one day at a time.
