It was a particularly busy day at work one day recently. The whole day it seemed that I would no sooner start on one project until 2 more came up almost simultaneously. There was a steady stream of people in and out of my office needing something or asking questions. There were deadlines to meet, places to be, and a stack of things to do.
I fuss about it, but I love the pace of my job. I thrive on it.
I took each thing as it came, as I have learned to do, and pushed through. Days like that, though they may seem overwhelming, do at least make the day seem to fly by. In the midst of all the busyness, though, the Lord prompted me to write about a question that came up as I was reflecting on this chaotic day.
What would I be doing right now if I had been given the perfect life I always thought I wanted?
In the seventies when I was a teenager, I remember thinking a perfect life would be to get married, have children, and be a stay at home mom all during their growing up years. Before you judge me too harshly, remember one little detail: In those days it was quite common for mothers to stay home with their children while the husband went off to work everyday to "bring home the bacon."
I had a brief ambition in high school to go to business college and be trained in office administration before getting married. However, I fell in love my senior year in high school, and the fleeting ambition to go to college fell by the wayside. After high school graduation I got married at eighteen and had three children within the first decade of our marriage. I got to stay home with my children part of the time, but for the most part, my dream life was not working out like I had planned because:
I kept having to return to the workforce.
Except for a few precious years, I was a working mom. I was thinking about what life was like when my children were small. I can never really know what "might have been," like George Bailey did in It's a Wonderful Life. I have an idea, though, that what I thought I wanted was not at all what I needed.
I remember being unhappy about having to go back to work when the youngest started first grade. The monetary strain of raising a family caused the need for me to seek a job. If I had stayed home, though, the chain of events that unfolded over the years would not be the same.
For one, I'm quite sure I would not have gone to college. The job I was forced to seek out got me out of the house and allowed me to be more comfortable around people. Back then, I was such a timid shadow of the person I am today. I gained confidence in my abilities by learning this new job. This reawakened my love of learning--I remembered that I love school! The possibility of college entered my mind. As my confidence increased I worked up the courage to take a chance and enroll in "Intro to PC," my first college class.
Because I found the courage to go to college, I discovered my fascination with technology. Who knows if I would even know how to use a computer if I had my "perfect life?" I love working with computers; I continue to learn as I go and have never been afraid to try the next new technology.
After I had been at my job for about 6 years, I felt led to apply for another job. It was almost a year later that I got that new job. Here I was around technology more and more, and as communication in the workplace evolved from memos on paper to emails, I adapted to the changes. Because of this job, I now had access to email in the nineties, about the time when it was becoming a new way to communicate. The internet was a new, exciting thing and I was eager to learn about it.
Finally, and most importantly, I might not be a Christian. It may sound like a stretch, but if I hadn't been forced to go out and get a job, I might never have had the courage to try a new church. It was only because my daughter wanted to go to a local church after she had a God encounter at a youth outreach they held. Even though I was raised in church, I never knew Jesus as my personal Savior. I gave my heart to Christ while going to this church that my daughter wanted to go to.
My life began to change when I accepted Christ as my Savior at age 39.
So, though I was unhappy about it at the time, the adversity in my life that caused me to get a job outside the home in the first place was actually a good thing. It led me to college, which sparked a fire in me to learn more. This in turn caused me to get the job that led to my present job, which I believe is a gift from God.
I can honestly say I am thankful to God for allowing the pain and need that caused me to seek out that job back in 1988. I so desperately did not want to stop being a stay at home mom; I felt like I was deserting my children at the time. Now I see it was all part of God's plan for my life.
As I was reflecting on all the pain and struggles I have been through, I remembered a story I heard. It is said that if the caterpillar has help getting out of the cocoon, it doesn't form properly into a butterfly and will soon die. It's the struggle of getting out of the cocoon that causes it to become what it is meant to be.
My struggles over the years have been painful, and sometimes I just wanted to give up. Literally. In other posts I have shared about my battle with depression, and how I was suicidal at one time. I wasted a lot of time and energy being unhappy about having to work outside the home because it was not what I had wanted.
It was all part of God's plan, though.
These days, I am so very grateful for God's intervention and guidance. He has guided me every step of the way and I have not one doubt that I am exactly where I was supposed to be all along. I am actually glad that I had to work, because I believe it was part of what God used to help make me who I am today.
Put your life in God's hands and trust Him to lead you in the ways you should go. He always knows what we need, even if it's not what we think we want at first.
He always knows best.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5,6 NLT
