Wednesday, September 23, 2009

And so I begin...

I have journaled my whole life. When I was a kid, it was one of those little diaries with a key. What little girl hasn't written in a diary at some point in her childhood? I have always felt the need to record my thoughts and feelings, keep an account of the events in my life. I found out after my mom died that she was also a journaler. I never knew that; if I had known it, I would have bought her a journal and she could have written all about her life. As it was, I found scraps of paper all over her house after she died. I saved all of them. Someday I will organize them into a journal of sorts.

I wrote in a spirial notebook during the early years of my marriage. I kept an account of my pregnancy with my first-born, but I got busy and quit writing for a long time. When I picked it back up again, it was to vent about the misery I found myself in. My marriage was in deep trouble, and I was constanly unhappy. As a result, the entries became caustic and full of venom and hate. After the divorce in 1997, I burned this journal in a friend's fireplace. It was the only way to get rid of the constant reminder of the unhappiness of those years. If I had written about the good times, I would have saved that part, but I only wrote to complain and rage about what was making me unhappy.

When I gave my heart to Jesus in 1994, a miraculous change took place in my heart. I found that God was always speaking to me, and I recorded these words in a small spiral notebook which I called My Spiritual Journal. The first entry was October 31, 1994, the day I got saved. For several years I wrote in My Spiritual Journal, so much that there are 3 volumes, all in the same size little spiral notebook.

After the 3rd volume, I decided to get a nicer journal; something actually meant for journaling. I have quite a few of these; even up through the present time. I currently still write in my handwritten journal, a practice that is a dying art in this era of laptop computers and online journals. I have decided that when I have filled up the current journal, I will do my journaling on the computer. It's a heart-wrenching decision, but it's just easier. I am much more prone to record my thoughts these days if I can just type it.

So, all that being said, let the online journaling officially begin. I intend to record some "archives;" some journal entries from several years back in order to try and lay the groundwork for this work and give it some background.

Until next time. =)